The Daily Dose/September 3, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.
EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT: The New York Post headline caught our eye:
Majority of New Yorkers Think Big Apple Rotten To The Core
Friends, New Yorkers don’t have an exclusive on that: there are a lot of people outside of the Big Apple that think the same thing abut our country. And they’re right because our country is rotting.
Fly In The Ointment: It’s more than rotting actually, our country is dying, right before our eyes, too, and so far we’ve proven unwilling to do anything about it.
USA! USA!: Anyone who thinks America can continue on her present course with impunity is high, legally in more and more states. We can’t. Left uncorrected, America will eventually collapse, perhaps before this half-century is out. America today is at the midway point between the influence and esteem she once had and the oblivion that awaits us.
The Bottom Line: We have only ourselves to blame. You and me – we the people – keep rubber-stamping the status quo and reelecting those who got us into this mess in the first place. Ask yourself this:
Why should any elected leader hold themselves to a standard the electorate isn’t going to hold them to?
There’s no reason for them to. In 61 days we will herald to ourselves and the world whether we’re content with the status quo or whether we’re ready to make some changes, whether we are going to expect more of ourselves and our government or whether we are not.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow goes to the local restaurant for dinner.
The big news at the restaurant is they start dinner service at 1700 and I was in time for that…The chicken fried steak sounded wonderful and after ordering that ol’ Sparrow stroked his beard and made a pointing motion in the general direction of the menu.
“Look, I really want one of those quesadillas that are on the kiddy menu, too…Is that possible???”
Of course, it was…They weren’t going to turn down a sale simply because an old fart wanted to eat like a 5-year-old and yours truly came back strong, accenting everything with a local beer that had a citrusy taste to it and was really good, my first drink since two Scotches on New Year’s Nite.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Finally, some decent nudity in the hotel.
X-Ray and I rolled on a noise complaint in a hot tub suite on 29. A pretty ugly Mexican guy answers the door. The music is pretty loud and we see a stark naked young lady walk in from the bathroom.
We tell the guy he’s got to keep it down. Then the girl, still buck naked, sashays over and announces they are getting married in a couple of hours so, on behalf of the International Henry Units, I offer congratulations.
X-Ray and I were also thinking – as you, no doubt, would’ve been – “Look, it’s none of our business, but if you’re getting married in a couple of hours, who the hell’s the naked blonde in the sack? The maid of honor?”
The Bottom Ten Presented By COVID-19/NCAA Week 1: The Best of the Bottom Ten season kicks off with the NCAA Week 1 column from 2019. Offered with our compliments.
With three (3) wins past two seasons, [Rice} Owls hoping for 2019 breakthrough to finally shed “worst-team-to-never-win-B-10-title” moniker…
Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.
The Regular Guys
Coming soon! Meet Lenny and Larry, two comedians going nowhere on their own who team up and become the biggest act in show business.
Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal.
On This Date
The long march to today.
In 1935 – Man drives faster than 300 mph for the first time as Sir Malcolm Campbell reaches a speed of 304.331 mph on the Bonneville Salt Flats. Campbell broke the record of 276.816 mph he had established in March in Daytona Beach, and this was the ninth and final time Campbell would hold the land speed record. Campbell’s car, the Blue Bird, had a Rolls-Royce R V-12 engine commonly used in airplanes.
In 1986 – The Houston Astros and Chicago Cubs establish a new major league record for most players used in a game in an 8-7, 18-inning win by the Astros, a game that had been suspended after 14 innings the previous day. The teams combined to use 53 players, including the major league debut of Chicago’s Greg Maddux, who was the losing pitcher. Research into whose record the teams broke was inconclusive. The record is now 58 players, done by the Colorado Rockies and the Los Angeles Dodgers, on 9/15/2015.
In 1967 – Donovan is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only week with Sunshine Superman. It was the second of eleven top 40 hits for Donovan, his first of four Top 10 hits and remains his only #1 song. The song also went to #2 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s 26th biggest song of the year. The song features future Led Zeppelin members Jimmy Page on electric guitar and John Paul Jones on bass.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
The secret of happiness is action, the exercise of energy in a way suited to a man’s nature and circumstances. – Will Durant, The Story of Civilization, Vol. II: The Story of Greece
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The major league record for most RBIs in a game is held by Jim Bottomley (9/16/24) and Mark Whitten (9/7/93), both of the St Louis Cardinals and each with 12 runs batted in in one game.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What is the current land speed record? – Answer next time!
