The Daily Dose/July 16, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Note from around the human experience.

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest gas mileage figures for the new ride. Today’s Diary.  

As sometimes happens in life, the once seemingly unattainable has become routine, as regular readers of this crap know this now makes consecutive 40 mpg fill-ups…As usual, yours truly remains clueless as to why. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: X-Ray, Lee and Gaylon eavesdrop and a couple getting busy in their room.

“Boy, they’re really going at it, aren’t they?” X-Ray asks.

I purse my lips, stroke my chin and nod solemnly. 

“He certainly appears to be delivering the goods.”

Right then Lee turns the corner and – and this was really funny to see – starts trotting down the hall. He had just wrapped up 482 and was taking a crap when X-Ray and I caught the squeal. With Lee, the crew comes first, of course, and he knew we’d need back up so he selflessly wrapped matters up in the bathroom and hustled up. 

X-Ray nods at the door and says, “Listen to them.”

Ever the professional, Lee puts his ear to the door.

“Fuck, what does that guy have for a cock, a howitzer?” Lee said. 

“No shit,” I said. “It sounds like he’s using a plunger.”

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On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1969 – Apollo 11 – man’s third visit to the moon and the first to land on it – lifts off from Cape Canaveral, Florida. Commanded by Neil Armstrong and manned by Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins, Apollo 11 would land and walk on the moon on July 20 and return to Earth on July 24. The previous December, Apollo 8 had become the first mission to reach and orbit the moon and in May Apollo 10 had done everything but actually land on the moon, flying the lunar module to within nine miles of the lunar surface. 

In 1909 – The Washington Senators and the Detroit Tigers establish a major league record for the longest scoreless game, playing to an 18-inning, 0-0 tie in Detroit. There was no shortage of baserunners with 13 hits and nine walks and only three double plays, but no one was able to score and the game was called despite reports indicating there was still daylight left for further play. Research into whose record the teams broke was inconclusive and the record is now held by the Brooklyn Dodgers and Cincinnati Reds who played a `19-inning, 0-0 tie in 1946. 

In 1977 – Shaun Cassidy is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only week with Da Doo Ron Ron. The song spent twelve weeks in the Top 40, seven of them in the Top 10 and was the first chart single for Cassidy, his first of three Top 10 and four Top 40 hits and remains his only #1 song. The song also went to #1 in Canada and did not chart in Great Britain. It was the third appearance on the chart for the song: in 1963 the Crystals peaked at #3 with it and in 1972 Ian Matthews peaked at #96. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

One must wait until the evening to see how splendid the day has been. – Sophocles

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The Providence Grays won two National League pennants, in 1879 and 1884. In 1884 they won what is now considered the first World Series, defeating the New York Metropolitans, champions of the American Association 3 games to zero in a three-game series. The Grays folded in 1885. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Shaun Cassidy’s mother also had a #1 song on the Hot 100. Who is Shaun’s mother and what is the song? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/July 15, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Note from around the human experience.

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: There is something going on at the abandoned diner. Today’s Diary.   

The big news is something is actually happening at the abandoned diner…Recall, we reported here there was a sign saying a skate park and “hangout place” was going in…Exactly how in the hell you get a skate park inside an old, not-particularly-large diner has never been clear and they seemed to be having some logistical problems trying to get a ramp in one of the doors…It was kind of funny, actually…There were several youngsters milling about on the sidewalk, more than one with arms crossed in front their chests indicating annoyance, one guy was on the phone pacing back and forth and another was working a tape measure on the ramp.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Gaylon accepts a matching bra as an acceptable form of ID.

Her drivers’ license is with some friends at Bellagio, she reports. She pulls a t-shirt out of her suitcase, which is on the bed, and when she tells me what is on the t-shirt I am ready to declare this whole episode code four when she throws the t-shirt aside and pulls up the front of her dress. 

The front of her thong is brown with white polka dots. Then, in a move so brilliant it would’ve had Reid and Malloy literally and figuratively sporting wood from here to Reno, she pulls the matching bra out of the suitcase! 

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On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1815 – Deposed French emperor Napoleon Bonaparte surrenders to British Royal Navy Captain Frederick Maitland on board HMS Bellerophon at Rochefort, France. The British transported Napoleon to Saint Helena Island in the south Atlantic, where he remained in exile for the rest of his life, dying in May 1821. The cause of Napoleon’s death has been subject to some debate. The official autopsy stated stomach cancer, however the presiding physician declined to sign the official report and other causes, including the effects of his damp living conditions and arsenic poisoning, have been advanced over the centuries.

In 2007 – The Philadelphia Phillies become the first major league team to lose 10,000 games in a 10-2 loss to the St Louis Cardinals. Since then the Phillies have lost 1,000 more games, their 11,000 losses still the most in the major leagues and their .472 win percentage (9,825-11,000-115) is the lowest of any non-expansion team. Since then the Atlanta Braves, Pittsburgh Pirates, Chicago Cubs, Cincinnati Reds and St Louis Cardinals have also lost their 10,000th game. The Phillies’ first loss came on May 1, 1883, 4-3 to the Providence Grays. 

In 1967 – Jack Greene is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the fifth and final week with All The Time. It was the second of five #1 country songs for Greene and his second of nine consecutive Top 10 hits. Like no small number of singers of the era, Green got his start in radio, at WGAP in Maryville, Tennessee, his hometown. The song had originally appeared on Billboard’s country chart in 1959 when Kitty Wells took it to #18. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Oh, what low joke was Fortuna playing on him now? Arrest, accident, job! Where would this dreadful cycle ever end? – John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Garth Brooks’ biggest hits on Billboard’s country chart are What’s She Doing Now and Friends In Low Places, both of which spent four weeks at #1. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many National League pennants did the Providence Grays win? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/July 14, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Note from around the human experience.

HIGHER…STRONGER…FASTER…EVENTUALLY: One of the things we find interesting about sports records is how long some of them last. Yesterday in On This Date we noted David Bedford breaking the 10,000-meter world record in 1973 and how the current record has stood since 2005. Now, that’s a long time, but not that all that long track and field standards. There are a lot of records that stood much longer. 

Dry, Technical Matter: By definition, a record is something no one’s done before, but the difference between champion and runner-up, on a percentage basis, generally isn’t all that great and two decades for a track record to stand seems like a long time. 

Fly In The Ointment: This isn’t true in every event, of course. For example, the men’s 100-meter record has been broken nine times this century. 

USA! USA! Our favorite remains Bob Beamon’s world long jump record that stood for 22 years and 10 months before broken by Mike Powell in 1991, probably because the way completely obliterated the old record. Even Beamon’s mark isn’t that all impressive anymore because Powell’s mark has now stood for 28 years and since the record was first noted in 1901 four men (Peter O’Connor and Jesse Owens besides Beamon and Powell) have held the mark for at least 20 years. 

FunFact: Beamon’s mark is still the Olympic record. 

Back On Message: 28 years is relatively recent compared to some others. The oldest track and field record is in the women’s 800-meter mark, which has stood since 1983. In fact, 13 current track records, 11 by women, were set in the 1980s, all but a couple of them by Soviet-bloc athletes on PEDs.

The Bottom Line: PEDs don’t account for all the long-standing records, however. Certainly, like Beamon, some people completely lost their minds and soared so high we took a long time to catch up, but that doesn’t account for all of them, either. There are simply too many track records that have stood for too long for these two factors to account for every long-standing mark. You would think that professionalism, meaning athletes can train full-time and modern training techniques would see records fall with greater frequency, but that’s not happening, either. Not to mention the fact that us humans have been getting bigger, stronger and faster since time immemorial. 

None of this is the case, though, and track remains a stark contrast to swimming where every official record has been set since 2008. Your guess why is as good as mine.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: The cat tries to get Sparrow out of bed. Today’s Diary.   

The cat continues to lose her mind, remaining fixated, for the first time in eight years, on attacking my feet…It’s to the point where I keep my feet covered because sometimes you don’t use the blankets in the summer but exposed feet appear to be on the menu now…It’s been the same thing for the past few sleep sessions: she hears me stir or the alarm goes off and she trots in and hops on the bed and meows and gives me a head bump and then dispatches herself to the foot of the bed and tries to attack my feet.

She did that this evening after I woke up to use the can and then sat on my left shoulder blade only this time she faced backward – probably to keep tabs on my feet – and her tail was in my face, making it tuff to get back to sleep, so I had to shoo her off, which I don’t like to do because I rather enjoy it when she’s resting on my back like that. 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Code Four Carlin and Gaylon discuss supply and demand.

Code Four Carlin then goes into a very basic lesson on the whole supply and demand dynamic which is funny because while Code Four Carlin is not stupid, he does not come across as the type for whom Supply and Demand would be an area of expertise. 

I was obliged to sit through a thrilling lecture on how an item is worth what someone is willing to pay for it. I told Code Four Carlin I was down with that, adding that all I was saying is that I would be unwilling to pay 73 cents for something that has “Five Cents” engraved on it. 

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On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1969 – The Federal Reserve begins removing the larger denominations of US currency – $500, $1,000, $5,000, $10,000 and $100,000 bills – from circulation. Public circulation of the bills had been rare and they were mostly used in transactions between banks, but advances in bank transfer technologies began to preclude their further use. The bills remain legal tender in the US, though most of the remaining large denomination notes are in private collections. 

In 1952 – Wal Dropo of the Detroit Tigers goes 5-for-5 with two RBIs in an 8-2 win over the New York Yankees. The performance was the start of a streak of a major league record of twelve consecutive plate appearances with a hit. Dropo had seven hits the following day in a doubleheader at Washington and the streak was broken in the seventh inning of the second game when he fouled out. Dropo’s twelve hits in twelve at-bats tied the major league record established by Pinky Higgins of the Boston Rex Sox in 1938. Higgins had two walks during his streak. 

In 1990 – Garth Brooks is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart  – then known as the Hot Country Singles and Tracks chart – for the first of three consecutive weeks with The Dance. It was the second of 18 country chart #1s for Brooks and the fourth of 13 consecutive Top 10 hits to start his career. The song did not chart on the Hot 100, but did peak at #36 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s 13th biggest country song of the year. A version by Rockell peaked at #27 on Billboard’s dance chart in 2000. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

In our desire to have government become our benefactor and sustainer, we have allowed it to become our taskmaster and overlord. As a result, we have become little more than well-fed, well-entertained slaves to the state. Freedom, as envisioned by our forefathers, is gone. – Chuck Baldwin

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

No American male has held the world record in the 10,000 meters. Four American women have: Kathy Gibbons, Julie Brown, Peg Neppel and Mary Decker-Slaney. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What were Garth Brooks’ biggest hits on Billboard’s country chart? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/July 13, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Note from around the human experience.

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has an ID problem while checking in a guest. Today’s Diary.   

But I book him for tonight – a room I technically didn’t have – and when he gives me a credit card and ID the ID isn’t for him…The ID is of an older black gentleman and this kid is white.

“Uh, do you have an ID that is actually of you, sir?” 

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: D-Dawg’s poignant final night.

We both really wanted to have one last chance to use our Procedures, where we would be forced to make entry into a room, flashlights drawn and fan out and scope the room out to make sure al-Qaeda wasn’t in there or anything. 

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On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1973 – Alexander Butterfield, a former assistant to H.R. Haldeman, discloses the existence of a taping system at the White House in private testimony before Senate Watergate Committee staff members. Previously the existence of a taping system had been strongly suspected but not known for sure. Butterfield had no role in Watergate and had left the White House in March to serve as head of the Federal Aviation Administration. 

In 1973 – David Bedford of Great Britain establishes a new world record in the 10,000-meters at a meet in London. Bedford’s time of 27 minutes, 30.8 seconds, broke the record of 27:38.4 established by Lasse Viren at the 1972 Munich Olympics, a race Bedford had finished sixth in. Bedford would own the record until 1977 and the mark is currently held by Kenenisa Bekele of Ethiopia, whose mark of 26 minutes, 17.53 seconds has stood since 2005. 

In 1963 – The Essex are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the second and final week with Easier Said Than Done. It was first of two Top 40 hits for the group and remains their only #1 song. The song also went to #1 in New Zealand, peaked at #41 in Great Britain and also peaked at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart. All four members of the group were in the United States Marine Corps at the time and The Essex remain the only group to hit #1 whose members were actively serving in the US armed forces. As sometimes happens with #1 songs, the song was recorded at the tail end of a session, the group did not particularly like the song and it had originally been released as the B side of a single.

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

You can deal with your problems by the time-tried method of shutting up and letting them pass. – Garrison Keillor, Love Me

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Two pitchers have thrown extra-inning complete games in their only major league appearance: Monty Swartz, Cincinnati Reds, 10/3/1920, 12 innings, a 6-3 loss to St Louis, and Hal Schwenk, St Louis Browns, 9/4/1913, 11 innings, a 5-4 win over the Chicago White Sox. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many American men have held the 10,000-meter world record? – Answer next time!

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