The Daily Dose/September 17, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
Americans are so pissed at Nike over their new Colin Kapaernick ad campaign Nike stock closed at an all-time high Friday of $83.49. Since announcing the ad campaign earlier this month, it’s stock price is up four percent.

Good for Nike shareholders, of course, but as we’ve noted here before, getting too worked up over this is silly. This is nothing of substance: it is merely an attempt to sell us some shoes. That’s it. Nothing more. Nike is merely doing it by exploiting a rather gutsy young man who had the nerve to protest racial inequality on the National Football League stage. It is on par with the Pepsi Challenge and that old lady wondering where the beef was.

What’s more, the message of the ad completely misses the point of our human experience. It encourages people not merely to be good or their best, but to be the best ever. Well, that is certainly a nice thought, and Lord knows what a human wearing Nike gear can accomplish, but not everyone can be the best there ever was or live down the ages. That takes talent and focus in measures that most people were not burdened with and urging mere mortals to do this does no one any good.

All of us can maximize our talents and be the best we can become, but that is not the message Nike is peddling. Too bad, because maximizing our talents – and the work that goes into that – leads to the life we were meant to live.

Today at the Site
Sparrow is back! All the details from his dental work and the two days of more or less bedrest are included in today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody. Included is the harvesting of the infamous onions, plus the fact Sparrow’s prescribed pain pills don’t make him loopy.

My smile no longer looks like an archaeological dig…It looks even and straight and white, tho not movie star white for Pete’s sake…It met, frankly, the high expectations I had for it.

Garrison Keillor has The Thought for the Day. At the top of each page of this site is some drivel about us doing this so you will remember it forever and ever. Today’s quote is the inspiration for that.

…if we are not writing so you will remember it forever and ever every time we sit down to ply this trade, then we are not writing, we are merely typing. Your time and my time is being wasted.

On This Date
In 1859 – Joshua Norton of San Francisco, unhappy with the government and dispossessed of his mind, declares himself Norton I, Emperor of the United States. Despite the fact he was not the emperor of the United States, or anywhere for that matter, Norton I was treated with respect in San Francisco. He conducted regular inspections of his adopted hometown in his ornate blue uniform and his currency was honored in certain places he frequented. His funeral was well attended and his obituary made Page 1 in the paper.

In 1983 – Carl Yaztremski of the Boston Red Sox appears in his 3,299th major league (ML) game, breaking the record that had been held by Henry Aaron. He would go 0-for-4 as the Red Sox won in Detroit 2-1. Yaztremski would retire at the end of the season with 3,308 games played, still the American League record, though Pete Rose would break his ML record the following season. Rose retired with 3,562 games played.

In 1966 – The Supremes are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second and final week with You Can’t Hurry Love. It is the seventh #1 song for the Supremes, and their twelve #1 songs are still the most by an American vocal group.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
There wasn’t a trivia question last time, silly.

Today’s Stumper
What hit by the Supremes spent the most weeks at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/September 13, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
Friends, we are going in for some fairly substantial dental work later today, we are not entirely sure how long or how many medications will make up the recovery process, so we don’t know when we will be willing and able to string words together again.

Historically, of course, nothing has come between us and The Bottom Ten, so we anticipate being back in time for that, and all the other features will return as soon as we are able to produce them.

Today at the Site
Sparrow whines about how the repair work at Hotel B keeps from getting a nap in at work on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody. Also, the cat goes completely bonkers when the heater is field tested in preparation for winter.

The Thought for the Day returns with a quote from a book by Robert B Parker about liking yourself and enjoying your time alone.

On This Date
On This Date will return. 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Ranger 4 was the first United States spacecraft to reach the moon, crash landing on the far side in April 1962.

Today’s Stumper
The Trivia feature will return.

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The Daily Dose/September 12, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
We are not going to argue the merits of the call that led to the Serena Williams imbroglio in Saturday’s US Open final. In fact, we are going to presume umpire Carlos Ramos got it wrong when he warned Williams about receiving coaching from the stands. We’ve officiated many events over the years and we’ve blown a call or two ourselves. It happens.

Yes, the warning was against Serena but that was only because she was the one playing. The incident was instigated by a thumbs-up signal her coach had given and was not an indictment on William’s sportsmanship, which has always been above reproach. It was Serena who then chose to slam her racket and call the umpire a “thief”. For these actions Serena was docked a point and then an entire game.

As she should have been. Calling an official a thief cuts right to the heart of what we do. In some games, including one I’m working, you call an official a thief you are a removed from the game. You may not particularly like my day’s work, but you will respect it.

Everyone is taking Serena’s side on this, with even the World Tennis Association taking a couple of days to say Ramos acted within the rules. It’s understandable. Serena is among the very best ever at what she does and, as noted, it is beyond comprehension to think her integrity is anything but above reproach. Plus, America being America, the incident has been cast along both gender and racial lines with Ramos, who’s Portuguese, being derided the world over.  

But what should Ramos have done when he was called a thief, give Williams a prize? No. White or black, male or female, Williams deserved her penalties.

Today at the Site
Sparrow starts taking some medicine in preparation for Thursday’s dentist trip on today’s exciting edition of The Diary of a Nobody. Also, Hotel B is such a mess, even by Sparrow’s low standards, that he is moved to actually clean up and throw some trash out.

Patty was hell bent on getting everything done as soon as possible, too, dropping cash from registers and self-checkout lanes about an earlier than most supervisors do it and I’m surprised she didn’t just shut the entire front end down at 2000 and send us all home.

Hut, hut hike, The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 3 is ready for your review, with Cleveland’s tie against Pittsburgh throwing the Bottom Ten medal stand into more disarray than usual. Also, the usual Pete Rozelle Award – issued to the league’s worst division – is being replaced by conference awards, the Ray Malavasi Pin and the Marv Levy Broach.

5. Pittsburgh at Cleveland – Barely nudges out Dallas/Carolina borefest for Week 1 Game of the Week honors…Not having winner key, but 23 penalties, 19 punts, seven (7) turnovers thrill regional audience, too.

The Thought for the Day will return.

On This Date
In 1959 – The Soviet Union launches the spacecraft Luna 2 to the moon. Earlier in the year, the Soviets had launched Luna 1 with the intent to crash it into the moon, but a ground control error caused it to miss the moon by several thousand miles. The following day, Luna 2 would become the first spacecraft to reach the surface of the moon, crashing into it, and became the first man-made object to land on another celestial body.

In 1962 – Tom Cheney of the Washington Senators strikes out 21 batters in a 2-1, 16-inning victory over the Baltimore Orioles, establishing the major league record for most strikeouts in a game. Cheney pitched in 118 games in his eight years in the big leagues and his 16 strikeouts in this game represent five percent of his career strikeout total of 345.

In 1981 – Diana Ross and Lionel Ritchie are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the fifth week with Endless Love. The song would spend nine consecutive weeks at #1 and was Billboard’s second biggest song of the year, behind Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Carnes, which spent nine non-consecutive weeks at #1, and the third biggest of the decade.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The Hope Diamond, though considered priceless and irreplaceable, is insured for $250 million.

Today’s Stumper
What was the first US spacecraft to reach the surface of the moon? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/September 11, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
Today is the 17th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Anyone who believes 9/11 was not caused by the United States’ violent interference in the affairs of other nations is deluding themselves. They were. America has been at war daily since 1989 and the consequences are a violent world and a violent America. Had America been at peace daily since 1989 9/11 would not have happened, our world would be infinitely more peaceful and America would not be the shooting gallery it is now.

17 years later we still have not learned the lessons the 9/11 attacks provided. We are still meddling, violently, in the affairs of other countries and the results are a planet that is, perhaps, as violent as it’s ever been, save for our two world wars.

We deserve better. Our country deserves better and our planet deserves better. All of us deserve to see the world that would be produced by an America at peace.

Today at the Site
From the front desk to the breakfast room and prep areas, everything is completely out of hand on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody…Plus, based on an incident at the retailer, Sparrow has tips on how to spot and avoid being scammed.

Excerpt:
I chuckled…This is hardly my first shift at a hotel front desk and a provisional room request from a young lady at zero dark thirty in the morning generally means she is working and might have a client but she isn’t sure yet…As it was, she never called back or showed up.  

It’s full speed ahead on The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 3, as UTEP has lost 14 straight and New Mexico State becomes the first team this season to start 0-3 and the MAC claims the Week 3 Conference of the Week award, thanks to its stellar 2-12 non-conference record.

Excerpt, from #6 Kansas entry:
Win sees surge in stadium renovation donations, as infusion of $113.22 ensures east concourse’s new Denny’s Taquito Shack can now be upgraded to pavillion.  

The Thought for the Day will return.

On This Date
In 1792 – The Blue Diamond of the Crown of France, and other French crown jewels are stolen from the Royal Storehouse. It would turn up, recut, again in England in the 19th century and today is known as the Hope Diamond. It is believed to have originated in India and today is housed in the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, DC.

In 1985 – Pete Rose of the Cincinnati Reds singles in the first inning of a 2-0 victory over San Diego. It’s Rose’s 4,192nd career hit, breaking the all-time major league record for career hits that had been held by Ty Cobb. Rose would retire the following year with 4,256 hits, still the all-time record.

In 1971 – Donny Osmond is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 with Go Away Little Girl. It spent three weeks at #1 and remains Donny’s only #1 solo hit, though he and his brothers hit #1 in 1970, as The Osmonds, with One Bad Apple. Steve Lawrence had hit #1 with Go Away Little Girl in 1o62, and this was the first instance of a song going to #1 seperate artists.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The current world record for the men’s marathon is two hours, two minutes and 57 seconds, by Dennis Kimetto of Kenya, set in 2014.

Today’s Stumper
How much is the Hope Diamond currently insured for? – Answer next time!

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