The Daily Dose/January 16, 2017
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Notes from around the Human Experience…

INCOMING!!!…OR NOT: The text message sent out was ominous:

BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

We must be honest: we chuckled when we first heard this. And, perhaps, there was a time when, collectively, America would have chuckled at it, too. If not for the fear it caused, at least over how it happened. But that time has passed. There is no humor in events like this anymore. Everybody gets their shorts in a knot. 

Dry, Technical Matter: What happened was this: those zanies at the Hawaii Emergency Management Agency (HEMA) were conducting a change-of-shift test of their emergency missile warning system. Included was an internal test of the warning system that alerted the public to the fact they had, more or less, ten minutes to live. The test is done on a computer and the worker conducting the test is presented with a drop-down menu offering two options: Test Missile Alert and Missile Alert.

Fly In The Ointment: The worker, obviously selected Missile Alert.

A missile alert test and an actual missile alert on the same drop-down menu? Good gravy, this was asking for trouble from the start, the surprise not being that someone clicked on the wrong option, but that this nonsense hadn’t happened before.

A Warm, Personal Remembrance: Many years ago we were working security at the Monte Carlo Hotel on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip. An alarm of some sort went off and after the matter was attended to the wizard in charge of pressing the All Clear button inadvertently hit the Emergency Evacuate button, which was right next to, and as unprotected as, the All Clear button. Similar hilarity ensued.

And The Darwin Award Goes To…: Us humans never learn. Why the Missile Alert command was as easy to access and activate as the Test Missile Alert command isn’t immediately clear. For Pete’s sake, make it take some work to activate the real thing. I don’t suppose HEMA needs two people each with separate keys – and armed to prevent shenanigans by the other – like they have for launching nuclear weapons, but having the test command and the actual alert command on the same drop-down menu was/is silly.

Suggestion Box: Hey guys, how about a big red button on the screen that says Press Here To Activate Real Alert and have one or two more following steps like clicking another button and entering a code. Or have the button in the bottom of a jar of Macadamia nuts or, better yet, have a hula dancer in the office holding a remote control button in a coconut. Have anything, really, as long as it is not on the same drop-down menu as the test command.

WELL, THIS SHOULD END DRINKING FOREVER AND EVER: America completely loses its goddamned mind when the Eighteenth Amendment to the Constitution – prohibiting the manufacture, sale or transportation of intoxicating liquors in the United States – takes effect on this date in 1919. North Carolina, Utah, Nebraska, Missouri and Wyoming all ratify it on this date, with Nebraska’s ratification actually making it official. Congress had sent it to the several states for ratification in December 1917.

Initially, booze consumption in the United States actually fell, but that was just until the bootleggers could get up and running. The Eighteenth Amendment would be repealed by the Twenty-First Amendment in December 1933.

Great Moments In Showing The Evil United States Who’s Boss: Not for the first time, the Soviet Union makes space history when Soyuz 4 and Soyuz 5 become the first manned spacecraft to dock in orbit on this date in 1969. Their crew transfer between spacecraft is also a first and it remains the only transfer to be done by spacewalk.

Take Me Out To The Courtroom: Curt Flood, traded from the St Louis Cardinals to the Philadelphia Phillies earlier in the offseason, files suit against major league baseball on this date in 1970.

Flood’s suit challenged baseball’s reserve clause, which bound a player to one team even when the terms of their contract had been fulfilled. Flood was peeved that he had been traded and refused to play for the Phillies, who back then were not any good and played in one of the worst stadiums in the league. In December, Flood had petitioned Commissioner Bowie Kuhn to make him a free agent, a request Kuhn denied.

Fly In The Ointment: Flood’s suit would be rejected in United States District Court in August 1970, with the judge merely citing baseball’s antitrust exemption and declining to rule on the merits of Flood’s claim. This ruling was upheld by the United States Supreme Court in 1972. Flood sat out the entire 1970 season, accepted a trade to the Washington Senators for the 1971 season, but retired after 13 games. He died in 1997.

Quotebook: All I’m saying, I suppose, is that if the temptation to humanity does assail you now and then, I hope you won’t take it as a weakness in yourself, but give it a fair hearing. – John LeCarre, The Secret Pilgrim

Answer To The Last Trivia Question: Four Super Bowls (XX, XVI, XXXI and XXXVII) have been played on January 26, the most of any date.

Today’s Stumper: When did the United States first accomplish the docking of two manned spacecraft? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/January 15, 2017
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Notes from around the Human Experience…

CAPSULE MOVIE REVIEW: Darkest Hour: Darkest Hour follows Winston Churchill from May 9, 1940 – the day before he becomes Great Britain’s prime minister until his Fight on the Beaches speech before the House of Commons on June 4. The main focus is Churchill’s battle with Lord Halifax over whether to fight or negotiate with Hitler and Churchill’s precarious position his first few weeks in office. Gary Oldman is brilliant as Churchill, and there are the usual capable performances you’d expect from a movie of this sort.

“Those Who Do Not Change Their Mind Never Change Anything.”: This movie is brilliant. Like 2012’s Lincoln, which covered the last four months of Abraham Lincoln’s life, you got the impression the History Channel had dispatch dozens of film crews to chronicle this moment in history. There will be some, of course, who will get their shorts in a knot over whether the color of Churchill’s pajamas is accurate and the fact Churchill likely did not ride the subway – known as the tube across the pond – to get the opinion of commoners, but do not let this detract from your enjoyment of this splendid film.

A Note To Guys: Be prepared, as we did, to fall in love with Dame Kristin Scott Thomas, who played Churchill’s wife Clementine, and Lily James, who played his secretary Miss Layton.

“He Mobilised The English Language And Sent It Into Battle.”: Warnings about some parts being unintelligible because Churchill mumbled from time to time are issued. It adds some realism to the film, frankly, so we didn’t fret over it. Also adding realism was the non-stop smoking that went on. Churchill smoked cigars constantly, even while taking lunch with King George VI, who usually was working a cigarette himself.

This Planet Is Going To Hell: Society being what it is today, the producers felt obliged to include a disclaimer during the credits to the effect that the smoking scenes were for historical accuracy and that the filthy and vile habit of smoking was in no way being condoned.

Oh Yeah: It was fun renewing our on-screen acquaintance with Britain’s King George VI, the father of Britain’s current monarch Elizabeth II. We had first gotten to know him on the big screen in The King’s Speech, a brilliant and touching movie about George VI attempting to overcome his stuttering problem, which he still has not completely conquered in Darkest Hour.

FunFact: George VI was played by Ben Mendelson in Darkest Hour and Colin Firth in The King’s Speech.

Final Rating: A – As Good As The Medium Can Produce: We do not issue the top rating too often here at The Daily Dose. And we did note our affection for Winston, not to mention our affinity for historical dramas of this sort. So we gave no small amount of consideration to this, but anything less than our top rating simply does not do this film justice.  

Our only complaint was it was too short and we would not dismiss out of hand the prospect of a movie of this sort covering Churchill’s entire first term as prime minister.

MORE BRITISH MONARCH STUFF: Elizabeth I is crowned Queen of England and Ireland on this date in 1559. The daughter of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, Elizabeth I had actually ascended the throne the previous November when her half-sister Mary I died. Elizabeth I  reigned for 44 years, never bothering to marry or produce an heir and was succeeded in 1603 by her nephew James I, who was also King James VI of Scotland.

This Really Happened: 21 people are killed when a large tank containing over two million gallons of molasses collapses in Boston on this date in 1919. The incident happened about 12:30 pm, with a wall of molasses reaching a height of 25 feet and a speed of 35 mph making its way through the streets.

Dry, Technical Matter: Cleanup took several weeks and involved both washing the streets with salt water and laying sand down for absorption. Boston Harbor was reported to have remained brown until summer.

Hut, Hut Hike: Super Bowl I  – then known as the AFL-NFL World Championship Game – is played at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum on this date in 1967. The Green Bay Packers, champions of the National Football League (NFL) defeated the American Football League (AFL) champion Kansas City Chiefs 35-10.

Dry, Technical Matter: The attendance was 69,946 and Super Bowl I remains the only Super Bowl not to sell out. Though unofficially known as the Super Bowl even then, Super Bowl would not come into official usage until Super Bowl III.

Running The Numbers: The top ticket price was $12, about $89 in today’s value and the cost of a 30-second commercial on both CBS and NBC was $42,000, about $315,000 in today’s dollars.

Quotebook: Oh, what low joke was Fortuna playing on her now? Arrest, accident, job! Where would this dreadful cycle ever end? – John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces  

Answer To The Last Trivia Question: The four American television shows that have been on the air longer than Today are Hallmark Hall of Fame, Music and the Spoken Word, CBS Evening News and Meet the Press.

Today’s Stumper: On what date has the Super Bowl been played the most times? – Answer nest time!

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The Daily Dose/January 14, 2017
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Notes from around the Human Experience…

CIRCLE OF LIFE AND ALL THAT: We don’t get too worked up over death here at the Daily Dose, and very little space in this column is spent on people dying. The death rate remains – as it has since time immemorial – a healthy 100 percent and each of us has a death to look forward to. Even our own death is a foregone conclusion, though we hardly see how humanity will muddle forth without this column, The Thought for the Day and The Bottom Ten.

Fly In The Ointment: Not only is our end inevitable, but to make our journey on this planet completely fraught with peril the extent of that time is unknown its end is indeterminate. So we’re not in a state of depression over the recent deaths of three men who influenced a wanna-be sports announcer and, later, a new sports official.

We would, however, like to respectfully request of those who are in charge of these things stop having my early influences die in packs of three.

Dry, Technical Matter: Earlier this year Dick Enberg died. We grew up in LA when Enberg still did California Angels games and boy oh, boy, LA was a great place, and the 1970’s were a great time, to be a kid who wanted to be a sports announcer because Enberg was just the tip of the iceberg. Vin Scully, Chick Hearn, Jiggs McDonald and then Bob Miller were all there to be enjoyed and influenced by. Not only that, Jimmy Lennon was the greatest ring announcer ever and John Ramsey is still the ideal PA announcer, doing PA at seemingly everything except the high school track regionals. There was Chick Anderson calling races at Santa Anita. All of these men are on the short list of the best there was at what they did.

Then Keith Jackson, the Voice of College Football for a lot of us, died Friday and Doug Harvey, one of ten umpires in baseball’s Hall of Fame, died Saturday. 

We’ve done some umpiring ourselves and Harvey’s influence, primarily about how a good umpire conducts himself and goes about his work, was profound. We met him once, too. Many years ago we were radio announcers and amongst our duties was announcing the games for Central Union High School in El Centro, California, where Harvey graduated from. He noted the best pitcher he ever saw was Sandy Koufax and the toughest call was a close swipe tag. Harvey’s death gets personal, too, because we know his son Todd.

The Bottom Line: We don’t get too worked up over death. The ashes of my dad, mom and brother are under the bed and their deaths didn’t cause us to weep and rend garments and we kept their ashes mainly because the had to go someplace.  

But if whoever is in charge of these things could space these out a little more, we’d be obliged.

ON THIS DATE! ON THIS DATE!: The Congress of the Confederation ratifies the Treaty of Paris, which ended the American Revolution, on this date in 1784.

All Over But The Shoutin’: While the war was long over, the Treaty of Paris still had not taken effect yet. Great Britain ratified the Treaty in April, and the Treaty officially went into force on May 12 when everyone exchanged ratified copies in Paris.

Dry, Technical Matter: The Treaty of Paris has ten articles. Some were ignored and some, especially the ones concerning boundaries, were difficult to enforce because no one really knew what in the hell was going on there. Only the Article 1, which grants the United States sovereign and independent status, is still in force.

Great Moments In Meeting To Defeat Hitler: American President Franklin Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill begin a ten-day conference in Casablanca, Morocco on this date in 1943. Known by History as the Casablanca Conference, it was held to plan further Allied strategy in World War II. The conference produced the Casablanca Declaration, which announced the Allies would accept nothing less than unconditional surrender from the Axis powers.

Up, Up And Away: Prior to the Casablanca Conference, FDR became the first president of the United States to fly by airplane, leaving from Miami to Casablanca on January 11.

“We’ll Be Back After A Station Break.”: The Today program debuts on this date in 1952 with Dave Garroway hosting. It is still on the air today, the fifth oldest American television show.

Hut, Hut, Hike: The first NFL Pro Bowl is played on this date in 1951. 53,676 fans wander into the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum to watch the American Conference, led by Cleveland Browns quarterback Otto Graham, defeat the National Conference 28-27.

It was the first NFL all-star game since 1942 and came three weeks after the Cleveland Browns had defeated the Los Angeles Rams 30-28 in the NFL Championship Game.

Quotebook: If you are extraordinary, be extraordinary. People only err when they try to be who they are not. –  Deng Ming Dao, 365 Tao

Answer To The Last Trivia Question: There wasn’t a Trivia feature last time, silly!

Today’s Stumper: What are the four American TV shows that have been on the air longer than Today? – Answer next time!

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The Daily Dose/January 13, 2017
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Notes from around the Human Experience…

CAPSULE UNDERWEAR REVIEW: Duluth Trading Company Buck Naked 93 Percent Nylon, Seven Percent Spandex Blend Boxer Brief: Underwear is a pretty standard present from The Wife for me and her kids, so it was not the Upset of the Year when she started making her usual noises about getting me some for Christmas. It was rather pressing, too, because for the past three weeks or so one pair of Under Armour boxer briefs had been MIA. We usually only roll with three pairs, so this meant I was down a full one-third of my personal underwear inventory.

So Much For Brand Loyalty: The switch to Duluth Trading Company comes after many years of loyalty to Under Armour boxer briefs. And, really, we had no complaints with UA. We never have. We go way back with Under Armour, having discovered them when back in our early sports officiating days. Under Armour is first-class gear and some are still providing good service after 15+ years.

But we have lots of Duluth Trading Company stuff, too. Boots, a vest for warmer weather and our winter coat, among other things, and this also is the first-class gear my snotty ass demands.

He Is Risen: At least they got here before Easter. The wife admitted she “probably” had not ordered them in time for Christmas, but she could’ve sworn she’d bought them in time for arrival before the New Year. She didn’t. We did some checking from time to time and were able to track its progress from Michigan to Nepal to Malaysia where, apparently, it was transferred to a Kon-Tiki type raft for transport to the States. They didn’t even make it in time for Epiphany. 

Dry, Technical Matter: We go way back with underwear, too, having worn it since we outgrew diapers. At first, we went with the whitey tighties, first from Sears, then from JCPenny when Dad switched – for reasons which remain a family secret – sometime in the mid-70’s. We wore Penny’s briefs for years, too, the ones with the blue and gold stripes on the waistband

There really weren’t a whole hell of a lot of options back then. You had briefs and you had boxers because us humans had not yet evolved to the point where we were smart enough to combine them into boxer briefs.

There was a period in eighth grade when we did wear boxers. These were the late-70’s in Los Angeles and shorts were short back then and it was cool to have your boxers hanging below your cutoffs. I  am not making that up. I did this for about month before deciding this was silly.

Final Rating: A: Duluth Trading Company puts out first-class underwear. Highly recommended.

ON THIS DATE! ON THIS DATE!: Robert C Weaver is appointed the first secretary of Housing and Urban Development by President Lyndon B Johnson on this date in 1966. He would take office on January 18, the first black presidential cabinet member. He would serve until December 1968 and would later serve as president of Baruch College and would later teach urban affairs at Hunter College.

“Hi Convicts, I‘m Johnny Cash”: Johnny Cash plays two shows at Folsom State Prison in California on this date in 1968. Cash was joined by his wife June, Carl Perkins and the Statler Brothers. 

This Is Casey Counting Them Down: The resulting album, with 15 cuts mainly from the first show, would hit #1 on the country chart and #15 on the national album chart. The album marked a comeback for Cash, who had not had much chart success while be battled a drug problem. All told, including re-releases in 1999 and 2008, At Folsom Prison has sold over three million copies.

This Was Definitely A Violation Of Company Policy: The Italian cruise ship Costa Concordia runs aground and almost sinks off Isola del Giglio off the western coast of Italy on this date in 2012. The Costa Concordia was on the first leg of a cruise around the Mediterranean and of the 3,229 passengers and 1,023 crew members on board, 32 died.

The collision with underground rocks happened when the captain, Francesco Schettino decided to get cute and sail closer to the island than originally planned. The collision caused a 175-foot long gash on the port side and resulted in a loss of propulsion and electrical power.

Schettino bravely fled his ship, though he would later claim he had fallen into a lifeboat, which nobody really believed. He was found guilty of manslaughter in 2015 and sentenced to 16-years in prison, a sentence he began serving last May.

Some Places Have Interns For This: Salvaging the Costa Concordia took time. Fuel and oil were extracted the following March and the ship wasn’t righted until September 2013. In July 2014 it was towed to Genoa and complete scrapping of the ship was completed this past summer.

Quotebook: …there is not effort without error and shortcoming; – Theodore Roosevelt, Man in the Arena speech, 4/23/1910

Answer To The Last Trivia Question: Oprah Winfrey has won one Oscar, the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award in 2011.

Today’s Stumper: The Trivia feature will return.

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