The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 1
By Gaylon Kent – America’s Funniest Guy™
Game on.
As Bottom Ten contenders and pretenders announce “we’ve got next’ in their quest for the most coveted trophy in sports – The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere have a spring in their step because they know there will be no shortage of lousy teams this year and the 2023 race for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – may well be the tightest ever.
And between the defending champion Bears, the Rams, not to mention the entire AFC South, there will be no shortage of losing streaks, upset losses, and called-back touchdowns to keep everyone on the edge of their seat(s).
The opening week imbroglio:
1. Chicago Bears (3-14) – Defending B-10 champions, Bears have league-best ten (10) game losing streak, which B-10 pollsters respect so much they are content to let them remain in top spot until they actually win…Opening Loss: Green Bay
2. Los Angeles Rams (5-12) – With holes everywhere, B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” Rams can become first team “like, ever, dude” to go from Super Bowl champs to five (5) wins to B-10 medal stand in only three seasons…Opening Loss: at Seattle
3. AFC South (23-43-2) – Defending winners of coveted Pete Rozelle Award – issued to NFL’s worst division – AFC South looking to repeat putting all four (4) teams in final Bottom Ten survey…Half of 2023 Week 1 survey either division itself or its four (4) teams.
4. Jacksonville Jaguars (9-8) – A B-10 perennial, history on Jaguars side as team has not had consecutive winning seasons since 2006-07…Owner Genghis Khan has again promised stonings, kidnappings if team does not win second B-10 title…Opening Loss: at Indianapolis
5. Houston Texans (3-13-1) – 11-48-1 record last three (3) seasons commands instant preseason respect from B-10 fans everywhere, though Texan fan(s) hoping new coach, rookie quarterback can avoid late-season slump that saw Texans fall from B-10 title hunt by winning two (2) of last three (3) games…Next Loss: at Baltimore
6. NFC North – Any division with Bears in it demands consideration for Pete Rozelle Award – issued to NFL’s worst division – but something tells B-10 pollsters other teams aren’t going to be any good, either, and this could be the season’s sleeper division.
7. Tennessee Titans (7-10) – Another team on a roll, Titans lost last seven (7) games, which in the AFC South meant you are eligible to play for division title in final game…Strong B-10 pedigree should ensure Titans don’t sabotage title chances by winning consecutive games…Next Loss: at New Orleans
8. Indianapolis Colts (4-12-1) – Another team determined not to let momentum from season-ending seven (7)-game losing skid fade away, Colts confident new coach, rookie quarterback can break down door to B-10 glory in 2023…Next Loss: Jacksonville
9. NFL Overtime – It will again be possible for an NFL game to end without a winner, as overtive rules still allow games to end in a tie…B-10 pollsters still “strongly suspect” this will end when bookmakers NFL is in bed with start losing money.
10. Detroit Lions (9-8) – B-10 fan(s) everywhere not fooled by 2022’s winning record, as Lions still have not won playoff game since first Bush Adminstration…Prime time loss against defending Super Bowl champions expected to set tone for strong B-10 run …Opening Loss: at Kansas City
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Jacksonville at Indianapolis
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Green Bay at Chicago
