The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 4

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 4
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Foremost Humorist

The great lesson Bottom Ten fans have learned is the Detroit Lions are capable – at any time – of announcing the road to the Bottom Ten title goes through Ford Field.

The Lions did it again Sunday, dropping a 16-15 thriller to two-time defending Bottom Ten champion Tennessee…With the loss, the Lions have tossed their helmets squarely in the middle of the race for the Dan Henning trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.

This week’s fiasco, as the nags pass the grandstand for the first time:

  1. Cleveland Browns (0-2; lost to Baltimore 25-20) – Browns easy pick for top spot, blowing 20-point lead for clutch home, divisional loss…First sign lead might not last came in first quarter, when Browns’ special teams allowed Ravens to score two-point conversion following Cleveland touchdown…Next Loss: at Miami

2. Chicago Bears (0-2; lost to Philadelphia 29-14) – Bears showing all the right moves in quest for B-10 medal stand, getting outscored 26-7 after leading 7-3 in second quarter…Win Probability technology – which calculates chances of victory after each play – immediately goes to 0.000 percent for Bears after coin toss…Next Loss: at Dallas

3. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2; lost to San Diego 38-14) – Jaguars back on B-10 medal stand following brilliant 14 penalty, three (3) turnover performance…It’s never particularly difficult to cross the country and lose in the NFL, but it’s usually not this difficult…Next Loss: Baltimore

4. Detroit Lions (1-1; lost to Tennessee 16-15) – Lions on prowl for another B-10 title, in huge come-from-ahead loss to Titans…Lions put on offensive clinic while showing mettle of B-10 champions, going from first-and-goal on Titans one-yard-line to kicking a 42-yard field goal…Next Loss: at Green Bay

5. Buffalo Bills (0-2; lost to New York Jets 37-31) – Bills blow two (2) leads as defense takes charge, only allowing offense to be on field for 20 minutes…Bills so intent on B-10 glory they fire offensive coordinator after game which produced 393 yards and 31 points …Next Loss: Arizona

6. Indianapolis Colts (0-2; lost to Denver 34-20) – Colts trying to make name for themselves in always tough AFC South, which includes Tennessee and Jacksonville…Offense saves day, allowing fourth quarter interception, fumble to be returned for touchdowns…Next Loss: San Diego

7. NFC North (4-4) – With Minnesota in first place despite losing starting quarterback, running back, and both Bears and Lions in survey, NFC North easy pick for Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL’s worst division…Next Loss: Automatic berth in NFL playoffs, as division GM’s look to secure berth in CFL playoffs for division champion.

8. Tennessee Titans (1-1; defeated Detroit 16-15) – Titans drive for B-10 title 3-peat takes it in the shorts with rare come-from-behind road win…Fan(s) taking heart that 2015, 2014 B-10 champions also started seasons 1-1…Next Loss: Oakland

9. Tennessee at DetroitFirst B-10 Game of the Year nominee for 2016, as B-10 perennials show mastery of fundamentals with 29 penalties, eight (8) punts and a safety…Regional TV audience also thrilled by four (4) field goal attempts, three (3) of which were good…Next Loss: Short of a tie, someone had to win, but everyone glad this fiasco played in Week 2 and now safely out of the way.

10. Chicago Cubs (96-55) – Cubs well on their way to first World Series title since 1908 after clinching NL Central title…Will spend rest of season resting regulars, doing charity work on South Side until quest for 17th NL pennant begins in October…Next Win: Cincinnati

This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Cleveland at Miami
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: San Diego at Indianapolis


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