The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 5

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 5
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Foremost Humorist


Long-time Bottom Ten fan(s) are accustomed to tight races for the Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – but it’s rare, even after three games, to have so many teams with a legitimate shot at the title.

Sure, the unvictoried teams – Cleveland, Chicago, Jacksonville and New Orleans – are getting most of the ink, but veteran Bottom Ten watchers know you bet against two-time defending Bottom Ten champion Tennessee or Detroit at your peril.

This week’s mess, as the nags approach the clubhouse turn:

  1. Cleveland Browns (0-3; lost to Miami 30-24) – Uncertainty surrounding Browns isn’t how they missed three (3) field goals or lost in overtime – they do those things as a matter of course – but how they managed to tie the game late in the fourth quarter in the first place……Next Loss: at Washington

2. Chicago Bears (0-3; lost to Dallas 31-17) – Bears second consecutive 0-3 start…Though Bears still have to play Lions twice, Chicago in strong position for B-10 medal stand run if they can avoid two (2) game winning streaks that plagued them in 2015…Next Loss: Detroit

3. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-3; lost to Baltimore 19-17) – Jaguars stiffen in fourth quarter as defense gives up field goal, offense chips in interception on last drive to secure the type of close, come-from-ahead loss that generally leads straight to B-10 glory…Next Loss: Indianapolis

4. Detroit Lions (1-2; lost to Green Bay 34-27) – Lions outscore Packers 14-3 over last 30:32…Of course, they were already down 31-3, showing Lions are fully recovered from Week 1 win and poised to challenge for another B-10 title…Next Loss: at Chicago

5. Tennessee Titans (1-2; lost to Oakland 17-10) – Not only are Titans bad, they’re dull, punting or turning ball over nine (9) times while showing mastery of fundamentals with eight (8) penalties…Two (2)-time defending B-10 champions need to peel off long losing streak to get back on B-10 medal stand…Next Loss: at Houston

6. New Orleans Saints (0-3; lost to Atlanta 45-32) – Saints show versatility, following up close, low scoring loss with exciting, high stepping 13-point home fiasco…New Orleans showing how tough 2016 B-10 race is going to be as winless record still sees them trailing Detroit and Tennessee…Next Loss: at San Diego

7. Cincinnati Bengals (1-2; lost to Denver 29-17) – Bengals back in survey after five straight playoff appearances…They’re 0-5 in those games, of course, and Bengals fan(s) hoping team can reclaim magic that once made them B-10 darlings…Next Loss: Miami (Thu 9/29)

8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-2; lost to Los Angeles 37-32) – While defense certainly doing its part, offense takes charge late in this one, fumbling ball in red zone and allowing Rams to return it for touchdown…Need big home loss to undefeated defending Super Bowl champions to really catch eye(s) of B-10 pollsters…Next Loss: Denver

9. San Diego Chargers (1-2; lost to Indianapolis 26-22) – Three fumbles by offense overcomes a not-too-bad defensive effort…Chargers fans starting to regret team not moving to Los Angeles and are petitioning team to build new stadium “anywhere but here” …Next Loss: New Orleans

10. Chicago Cubs (101-56) – Cubs continue march to first World Series win since 1908, topping 100 win mark for first time since 1935…B-10 pollsters dismissing talk of inevitable World Series title as  jinxing Cubs as “so much hot air”…Next Loss: 2017

This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Detroit at Chicago
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Tennessee at Houston

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