The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 13
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
The surviving members of the 2008 Detroit Lions – the NFL’s only 0-16 team – keep a case of RC Cola on ice, only opening them when the last NFL team wins their first game. This year, the case might end up in deep freeze as the Cleveland remain the NFL’s only unvictoried team following Sunday’s inspired 19-7 loss to Jacksonville. The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – is, literally, Cleveland’s to lose.
And with thirty percent of last week’s Bottom Ten resting for the stretch run with a bye week, the Week 13 field is wide open for down-and-coming losers to strut their stuff.
This week’s imbroglio, as the nags enter the far turn:
1. Cleveland Browns (0-10; lost to Jacksonville 19-7) – The first ‘worst team ever’ chants are starting to be heard as Browns dutifully move to 0-10…Browns heralding in a whole new era of B-10 excellence, having lost 11 straight and 44 of 49…Browns 26th NFL team to start season 0-10…They were also the 25th…Next Loss: at Cincinnati
2. Denver Broncos (3-7; lost to Cincinnati 20-17) – New kids on the B-10 block show B-10 regulars who’s boss with clutch home loss…Broncos gallop into coveted B-10 runner-up spot with sixth straight loss, losing games by average score of 30.2-to-14.1 during skid …Next Loss: at Oakland
3. Chicago Bears (3-7; lost to Detroit 27-24) – With 49ers getting week off, Bears get opportunity test drive B-10 medal stand…Chicago getting hot at just the right time with third straight loss, though with losable game this week they cannot get caught looking ahead to 12/3 showdown vs San Francisco…Next Loss: at Philadelphia
4. New York Giants (2-8; defeated Kansas City 12-9) – Giants confounding everybody…One week after snapping San Francisco’s nine (9)-game skid Giants up and beat division-leading Chiefs…With Denver and Chicago streaking, win comes at inopportune time for team chasing B-10 glory…Next Loss: at Washington
5. Kansas City at New York Giants – B-10 staffers would file B-10 Game of the Year nomination papers for this bore fest but they fell asleep before game ended…Chiefs and Giants thrill regional audience, Don Criqui, with 14 penalties, nine (9) punts, one (1) touchdown and one (1) missed extra point.
6. Cincinnati Bengals (4-6; defeated Denver 20-17) – Already worst team never to win B-10 title, Bengals shoot selves in foot with win in B-10 medal stand showdown game…Head coach Marvin Lewis still unable to shake ‘can’t lose the big one’ tag, as Bengals need big loss this week to even think about B-10 medal stand finish….Next Loss: at Cleveland
7. Green Bay Packers (5-5; lost to Baltimore 23-0) – Following shutout loss head coach firmly announces Brett Hundley will remain starting QB for B-10 stretch run…With losses in next two (2) games, Packers can head into 12/10 showdown at Cleveland with big head of steam..Next Loss: at Pittsburgh
8. NFL – Hey guys, TV ratings are still down, attendance is down, players are still kneeling during the anthem, fewer kids are playing football and now Jerry Jones is taking on the entire league…Right now it’s 50/50 there is a Super Bowl 75.
9. GOP – Party of Lincoln now completely unable to govern, with Republican controlled Congress barely able to pass motion to adjourn, much less substantive legislation that will do our country some good…Led by president whose only real talent – drawing attention to himself – is on display daily.
10. AFC West (17-23) – With bellwether AFC South enjoying resurgence, AFC West easy pick for coveted, weekly Pete Rozelle Award, issued to league’s worst division…First place Kansas City has lost two (2) straight and nobody else is over .500…Next Loss: If this keeps up, entire division expected to be forced to relocate to Delmario, Texas for 2020 season.
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Cincinnati at Cleveland
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Denver at Oakland
