The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 6
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
The shot glasses of Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere continue to runneth over as the onslaught of early season B-10 showdown games continues.
Fresh off Sunday’s Cincinnati/Cleveland debacle, Bottom Ten fan(s) have not one (1), but two (2) showdown games to look forward to this weekend, as the Chargers take on the Giants and the Colts host the 49ers. These four (4) powerhouses have a combined 1-15 record. Even taking into consideration someone will win these games, the race for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – promises to be the tightest in recent memory.
This week’s mess, as the nags head into the clubhouse turn:
1. Cleveland Browns (0-4; lost to Cincinnati 31-7) – Browns take big step on road to repeat B-10 title with impressive blowout home loss in huge B-10 showdown game…Rushing game key, as Browns have three players rush for double digit yardage, none for more than 20 yards…Next Loss: New York Jets
2. San Diego Whoops Los Angeles Chargers (0-4; lost to Philadelphia 26-24) – Between tarped off seats, no shows and fans rooting for visitors, approximately 25 Chargers fans in attendance at home games…StubHub Center spokesman assures LA football fans tarps will be taken off seats in time for next month’s high school football playoffs…Next Loss: at New York Giants
3. San Francisco 49ers (0-4; lost to Arizona 18-15) – Showing mettle that leads straight to B-10 medal stand, Niners pull out close road loss against opponent not playing their best…49ers impress B-10 pollsters by blowing four (4) leads…Next Loss: at Indianapolis
4. New York Giants (0-4; lost to Tampa Bay 25-23) – Giants refuse to get caught looking ahead to this week’s showdown with Chargers, continuing B-10 ascendancy with type of morale-depleting, last second loss that tends to lead straight to B-10 glory…Giants 0-4 for second time this decade…Next Loss: San Diego Whoops Los Angeles Chargers
5. Indianapolis Colts (1-3; lost to Seattle 46-18) – Colts show cursory early interest with 15-10 lead before blowing it open and getting outscored 36-3 in second half…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” Colts entitled to “like, a ton” of strength of schedule points as only win was against Browns…Next Loss: San Francisco
6. Cincinnati Bengals (1-3; defeated Cleveland 31-7) – With 2017 field the deepest in years, Bengals quest for first B-10 title takes direct hit with first win of season…Players, coaches, already pointing to 11/26 rematch as opportunity to get even…Next Loss: Buffalo
7. San Francisco at Arizona – 49ers/Cardinals fiasco easy nominee for B-10 Game of the Year honors, thrilling regional audience with 21 of 24 drives ending with kicks….23 combined penalties show mastery of fundamentals…Only touchdown came on last play in overtime, long after everyone had fallen asleep.
8. Chicago Bears (1-3; lost to Green Bay 35-14) – Bears put game away early, producing turnovers on three (3) of their first four (4) possessions…Fan(s), coaching staff still scratching heads, wondering not how they’ve lost three (3) games, but how Bears managed to defeat pretty good Pittsburgh squad…Next Loss: Minnesota
9. AFC South (7-9) – Alleged NFL division easy pick for Pete Rozelle Award, issued to league’s worst division…No team has winning record – hardly news with AFC South – and only win this week came in intra-division game that somebody had to win..Next Loss: team
10. NFL In London – Anthem protests spread overseas, though confusion over anthem order leads Saints, Dolphins to scratch crotches during Star-Spangled Banner, do jumping jacks during God Save The Queen…Actual queen so angry at lousy game she is considering revoking Treaty of Ghent which ended War of 1812.
Game of the Week: San Diego Whoops Los Angeles Chargers at New York Giants
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: San Francisco at Indianapolis