The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 9

It’s Read Free Week. Click here to read the Week 9 NCAA Bottom Ten. 

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 9
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

While all eyes are on the 0-16 chases by Miami and Cincinnati, three (3) other teams have one (1) win and the race for the most coveted trophy in sports – The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – is still as wide open as a receiver in the Cincinnati secondary. 

In other news, the first CFL of 2019 makes the survey, with Bottom Ten pollsters “pretty sure” it’s the first time two teams from national capitals have been ranked since Mexico City Muchos and Havana Harlots were ranked in 1957.

This week’s mess, as the nags start up the backstretch: 

1. Miami Dolphins (0-6; lost to Buffalo 31-21) – Team actually taking some risks on field, though B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” it’s attempt to secure B-10 title and not actual attempt to win games…Dolphins have lost ten (10) straight, best in league…Next Loss: at Pittsburgh

2. Cincinnati Bengals (0-7; lost to Jacksonville 27-17) – With 50 penalty yards and 33 rushing yards, Bengals take Week 9 honors with 1.515-to-1 Penalty-Yards-To-Rushing-Yards ratio…Bengals looking to start 0-8 for first time since 2008…Bengals 65th NFL team to start season 0-7…Next Loss: Los Angeles Rams

3. Atlanta Falcons (1-6; lost to Los Angeles Rams 37-10) – Another team for whom penalty is most efficient way to move football, Falcons have 48 penalty yards and 38 rushing yards…Five (5) straight losses make Falcons easy pick for Marvin Lewis Ribbon, issued to NFL’s worst one-win team…Next Loss: Seattle

4. Washington Redskins (1-6; lost to San Francisco 9-0) – Old adage it isn’t easy to cross country and win in NFL not applicable in Washington in 2019, as Redskins rebound from beating Dolphins with clutch home shutout loss…Anticipated strength-of-schedule points for Dolphins win probably won’t take effect until Falcons win second game ..Next Loss: at Minnesota

5. New York Jets (1-5; lost to New England 33-0) – Jets back on losing schneid, taking advantage of short week for prime time blowout loss…Jets entering make-or-break portion of schedule as next four (4) opponents have combined five (5) wins…Next Loss: at Jacksonville

6. New York Giants (2-5; lost to Arizona 27-21) – Giants gracious hosts, as three (3) turnovers account for 17 (17) Cardinal points…Giants petitioning NFL for ‘technical win’ designation, pointing out that had they not committed three (3) turnovers and if Easter bunny actually existed they probably would have won game…Next Loss: at Detroit

7. Ottawa Redblacks (3-13; lost to Hamilton 33-12) – NAFTA-mandated annual CFL entry, Redblacks have lost nine (9) straight and actually lost a game 31-1, which isn’t easy to do…Though CFL actually has two (2) 3-13 teams, B-10 pollsters unwilling to pay new import duties required to rank two (2) CFL teams…Next Loss: at Toronto 

8. AFC EastWith two (2) teams in survey, AFC East easy pick for (another) Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL’s worst division…Even though Jets, Dolphins play each other twice, AFC expected to remain division to beat, literally, in race for B-10 Division of the Year award.

9. Los Angeles Chargers (2-5; lost to Tennessee 23-20) – Chargers showing grit that leads straight to B-10 glory, as five (5) losses have come by an average of 5.4 points…Chargers kicked out of temporary home stadium for practice so top-ranked Mater Dei High School could acclimate themselves for upcoming high school football playoffs…Next Loss: at Chicago

10. Detroit Lions (2-3-1; lost to Minnesota 42-30) – Lions in survey partly because they’re lousy and partly so NFL’s first 0-16 franchise can keep closer tabs on winless runs by Miami, Cincinnati…Lions third team in NFL history to start season 2-3-1 along 2019 Cardinals, 1981 New York Jets…Next Loss: New York Giants

This Week’s Clash of the Titans: New York Giants at Detroit
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Miami at Pittsburgh

It’s Read Free Week. Click here to read the Week 9 NCAA Bottom Ten. 


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