The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 17

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 17
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The champagne corks are popping in Detroit and Cleveland, as they will, for now, remain the only 0-16 teams in NFL history. The race for the most coveted trophy in sports – The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – was thrown into complete chaos as the Jets won their first game of the season this past weekend. 

This leaves Bottom Ten pollsters with the toughest of calls, choosing between two (2) 1-13 teams, with Jacksonville getting the nod based on their league-best 13-game losing streak. 

This week’s fiasco as the nags are in the home stretch:

1. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-13; lost to Baltimore 40-14) – Owner Genghis Khan elated over ascending B-10 throne, calling off jihad against coaching staff, players, for failure to lose opener…Jaguars’ first-ever B-10 title there for the losing…Literally…Next Loss: Chicago

2. New York Jets (1-13; defeated Los Angeles Rams 23-20) – Inability to blow lead costly, as Jets go from adorable ragamuffins chasing B-10 immortality to just another one (1)-win team with problems…Next Loss: Cleveland

3. Carolina Panthers (4-10; lost to Green Bay 24-16) – Playing as lousy football as anyone right now, losing eight (8) out of past nine (9) enough to give Panthers edge in race for final, coveted, B-10 medal stand spot…Next Loss: at Washington

4. Houston Texans (4-10; lost to Indianapolis 27-20) – Current three (3)-game skid expected to produce head of steam heading into final two (2) games…With half (½) of win total against Jaguars, Texans could earn strength-of-schedule points should, when Jaguars lose out…Next Loss: Cincinnati

5. Atlanta Falcons (4-10; lost to Tampa Bay 31-27) – Falcons looking to lose out, as team knows how impressive an 0-5 start and 0-5 finish would look to easily bedazzled B-10 pollsters in what promises to tightest race for final B-10 medal spot in years…Next Loss: at Kansas City

6. NFC East (20-35) – Another easy win for alleged NFL division in race for weekly Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL’s worst division…Point of No Return reached as it is now impossible for any NFC East team to finish season with winning record.

7. Philadelphia Eagles (4-9-1; lost to Arizona 33-26) – Eagles finishing strong after two (2)-game win streak, having lost four (4) out of five (5)…Despite frequent use of bar tabs, B-10 pollsters still “pretty sure” they have no idea how tie will affect final B-10 rankings…Next Loss: at Dallas

8. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-3; lost to Cincinnati – Cincinnati! – 27-17) – Wow…Loss to lousy Bengals has Steelers in type of freefall that tends to crash land on final B-10 survey…Current three (3) game skid tied for second-best in league…Next Loss: Indianapolis

9. Cincinnati Bengals (3-10-1; defeated Pittsburgh 27-17) – Hardly for the first time, Bengals unable to lose big one, blowing coveted spot on B-10 medal stand…Bengals appear destined to add to B-10 legend as worst team never to win B-10 title…Next Loss: at Houston

10. New York Giants (5-9; lost to Cleveland 20-6) – While chance for B-10 title, spot on coveted B-10 stand shot to hell, Giants back in survey with hot, new two (2)-game skid…Next Loss: at Baltimore

This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Cincinnati at Houston
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Philadelphia at Dallas 

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