The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 18

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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 18
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Count on the Jacksonville Jaguars to make it easy for your Bottom Ten pollsters in the race for sport’s most hallowed trophy – The Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.

In a year when the winless win and even the NFC East will, eventually, crown a champion, the Jaguars’ consistency in losing 14 consecutive games have kept them atop the Bottom Ten throne. 

But veteran Bottom Ten fan(s) know there’s still work to do as the battle for the final, coveted, spots on the Bottom Ten medal stand will probably come down to the final turnovers and false start. 

This week’s fiasco as the nags limp past the sixteenth pole: 

1. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-14; lost to Chicago 41-17) – Jaguars eliminate Bears from B-10 consideration with NFL-best 14th straight loss…Owner Genghis Khan so thrilled at prospect for first B-10 title, he called for special high holy day of fasting before this week’s finale…Next Loss: at Indianapolis

2. Houston Texans (4-11; lost to Cincinnati 37-31) – Finishing strong, as late-season loss to Bengals always good for attracting B-10 pollsters attention…Texans ability lose close ones key in 2020 quest for B-10 glory, as six (6) losses have been by seven (7) points or less (less)…Next Loss: Tennessee

3. Atlanta Falcons (4-11; lost to Kansas City 17-14) – Falcons back where they started season, on B-10 medal stand after squeaker loss to Chiefs…Falcons looking to start, end season with five (5)-game skids, which B-10 pollsters are “pretty sure” is “like, you know, rare and stuff”…Next Loss: at Tampa Bay

4. Detroit Lions (5-10; lost to Tampa Bay 47-7) – If this were a Bottom Eleven survey, Lions all-gray uniforms would have been ranked this week…Lions receive modest bump due to strength-of-schedule points as four (4) of five (5) wins have come vs teams who are either ranked now or have been ranked this season…Next Loss: Minnesota

5. New York Giants (5-10; lost to Baltimore 27-13) – Despite middling season, still lots to play for in finale, as spot in final B-10 survey, division title all on line this Sunday…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” this is latest team as been ranked in B-10 survey while still in contention for playoff berth…Next Loss: Dallas

6. Cincinnati Bengals (4-10-1; defeated Houston 37-31) – While still holding title of worst team never to win B-10 title, Bengals fan(s) taking heart as team still won’t win first playoff game since 1990…Next Loss: Baltimore

7. Philadelphia Eagles (4-10-1; lost to Dallas 37-17) – B-10 pollsters considering new B-10 award named after Eagles for latest first team in division is eliminated from playoff contention, as Eagles finally, mercifully, dismissed from NFC East title race with loss to Cowboys…Next Loss: Washington

8. NFC East (21-38) – Still on cruise control, division still (really) easy pick for coveted, weekly Pete Rozelle Award, issued to league’s worst division…Forgive B-10 pollsters’ sheer giddiness, but three (3) NFC East teams with 17 combined wins are still in hunt for division title. 

9. New York Jets (2-13; defeated Cleveland 23-16) – B-10 title shot? Gone…Spot on coveted B-10 medal stand? Probably gone, as Jets free-fall from winless darlings to just another two (2)-win team that can’t lose the big one continues…Next Loss: at New England

10. New England Patriots (6-9; lost to Buffalo 38-9) – Patriots probably not this bad, but prime-time blowout loss still enough to land them on patented B-10 TitleTrak Radar…Head coach Bill Belichick, who B-10 pollsters actually respect, reportedly having assistant coaches pulling all-nighters to break down B-10 welcome packet received this week…Next Loss: New York Jets

This Week’s Clash of the Titans: New York Jets at New England
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Washington at Philadelphia
This is Tim Ryan Reporting: Dallas at New York Giants

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