The Daily Dose/September 29, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.
HUT, HUT HIKE: The news that the Big Ten Conference would be resuming football, naturally, drew the interest of Bottom Ten pollsters. Then the Pac-12 Conference announced it would, too. Then came the news Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere were waiting for:
The Mid-American Conference will be resuming football!
Our Long National Nightmare Is Over: With this news, it means that all ten major college conferences will be playing at least some games this season and with that, your fearless Bottom Ten pollsters – after due consultation with their bar tabs – are pleased to announce both the NCAA and NFL Bottom Tens will resume.
Dry, Technical Matter: To date, both the NCAA and NFL Bottom Tens have been in reruns, the NCAA survey because there is, was, no point to it without MAC participation and the NFL because there is no point to it without its collegiate counterpart.
Fly In The Ointment: The only question is when the 2020 surveys will debut and Bottom Ten pollsters are in constant consultation both with each other, Dr Fauci and their bar tabs in order to figure out the best possible date for a return.
The Bottom Line: As many of your fave Bottom Ten awards as possible will be handed out. There wasn’t an NFL preseason so the Jim Hanifan Medallion – symbolic of NFL preseason ineptitude though once award to Colin Kaepernick’s ‘fro won it once – can’t be issued and the small colleges still aren’t playing so the Continental Cup won’t be, either, but The Bottom Ten will be back.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow makes a case for keeping a messy desk.
…one of the benefits to never clearing off your desk is the scraps of paper you write your phone messages down on are always nearby…It took some looking but I found Mike’s number – ‘dental work’ was written next to it – more or less where I’d thought I’d find it and I called him and left a message…Had I thrown away the slip of paper – or, worse, written his name and number down in one of those phone books without the notation – I would not have been able to contact him.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Sparrow interrupts a sex act.
I go and inspect and the engine is running and the windows are tinted but I do notice a human form in the back seat. It takes a couple of seconds to get his attention because he appeared to be receiving the act of fellatio. Confirmation seemed to come – so to speak – when a female head pops up and the guy starts pulling his pants up. I felt bad, of course, though probably not as bad as he did, and told them to move on.
The Bottom Ten Presented By COVID-19/NCAA Week 5: As Bottom Ten pollsters limber up for the return of real Bottom Ten columns, they are pleased to offer this really funny column from 2019.
Commodores continued to be hampered by turn-of-century decision to merge Athletic, Student Affairs departments as ROTC detachment calling defensive plays get “war games” and “football game” confused, drawing NCAA-record 2,345 penalty yards for Illegal Incoming Mortar Fire.
Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip. – Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. – Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.
Click on the button to get started to read The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo and Criminals, Courtesans and Constables for only $4.99, a steal.
On This Date
The long march to today.
In 1789 – The opening session of the 1st Congress of the United States adjourns in New York City. The session had convened in March and would, among other things, send what would become the Bill of Rights to the states for ratification and it also established the State, War, Treasury and Justice departments, as well as organized the federal judiciary. It would reconvene the following January in New York City and its final session would be held in Philadelphia.
In 1979 – Manny Mota of the Los Angeles Dodgers establishes a new major league record for most career pinch hits in a 3-0 loss to the Houston Astros. Mota’s eighth-inning single, batting for Jerry Reuss, was the 146th pinch-hit of his career, breaking the record of 145 established by Smokey Burgess between 1949 and 1967. Mota’s first pinch-hit had come on June 2, 1962 for the San Francisco Giants, a fourth-inning single batting for Jim Davenport. The record is now held by Lenny Harris, who had 212 pinch hits between 1988 and 2005.
In 1958 – Tommy Edwards is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of six consecutive weeks with It’s All in the Game. It was the third of eight chart singles for Edwards and remains his only #1 hit. The song also went to #1 in Great Britain and was also in its first of three consecutive weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart. The song has returned to the Hot 100 on two other occasions: by Cliff Richard and the Shadows (#25, 1964) and by the Four Tops (#24, 1960).
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
You don’t have much hope of getting the truth if you think you know in advance what the truth ought to be. – Robert B Parker, Pale Kings and Princes
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The New York Cosmos won five North American Soccer League titles, the most of any team.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Which vice president of the United States co-wrote It’s All in the Game? – Answer next time!
