The Diary of a Nobody – Mon 6/11/2018

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Monday, June 11
I was pestered left and right at Hotel B this morning, the phone ringing even before I could sit down and put my feet up…I had been told a VP with the owners – or maybe it’s the management company, I can never be sure – was in-house and I half-thought he was calling to see if I knew how to answer the phone but I don’t think it was…Night auditors who show up every night and don’t cause problems, like me and JoJo, who works the other nights here at Hotel B, are generally left alone because we are hard to find. 

The first guy who bothered me was looking for a room for the night…I said sure, I can do two queen beds and the $99 rate sounded good to him…Then he asked if we had a rollaway and I pretended to look that up before saying no, we were out for the night…This was a lie; I was too tired and lazy to look and after we hung up I felt bad about it because this is not in the spirit of what I’m there for, so when he checked in I went and looked and we had plenty of rollaways and for the mental anguish of not knowing whether or not he’d have a rollaway I didn’t charge them for it….I should have actually given him a discount because like rollaways everywhere it has a conveniently located bar of death and produces a lousy night’s rest.

And I issued another rollaway, too!!!…I am not making that up…After not issuing in any in my time there I toss out two in one night…This one was a for a guy with a reservation and it was the same deal: three heterosexual male coworkers, two queen beds…The housekeepers do their work well and the rollaways were ready to go, complete with pillows and linens and they’re on both floors, too, so ol’ Sparrow wasn’t obliged to lug them up or down the stairs.

Another caller wanted a discounted rate for checking in at 0300…I declined, saying the room was $99 regardless and he noted, in that tone all cheapskates have, that he’d only be in there for a few hours…Well, you have a point, but that is not the way it is usually done…We are not some by-the-hour sleaze joint, we’re a pretty nice mid-range chain hotel…If you hadn’t sounded like a cheapskate maybe we could have worked something out because I do have some latitude, especially at 0300, that line some might feed you about not being allowed to give discounts being a bunch of hooey…I have yet to work at a hotel where the desk clerk didn’t have some flexibility…As it was, he said he needed it for two nights and that room class was only available for tonight, so he said no.

Then at 0630 218 calls to inform me their toilet was clogged…Oh crap, so to speak, this could be bad…I’ve had it bad in the past but this was OK, except for the fact I couldn’t find a plunger…So I head up and they’re getting ready to head out and the toilet wasn’t a complete fiasco and I was able to write a work order up for it…Exactly for who isn’t clear because Jimmy the Maintenance guy quit last week, but I’m sure someone will get to it.

You are probably wondering how the retailer’s new dress code is affecting me…Well, the same khaki work pants are still in rotation…The home office’s centerpiece of the new dress code was jeans, and they’re making them seem like they are some hot, new invention, but the only denim I own are my overalls and the new dress code isn’t that relaxed.

Liberated from my blue dri-fit polo shirts, I completely lost my mind and wore a black, dri-fit crew neck shirt today…I have several of them, and they’re Under Armour’s too, and I’ve had them for at least 14 years and they’re still almost as good as new…I did this because in warmer weather I wear a khaki colored vest with it and at work it’s a simple matter to trade it out for the retailer’s vest.

It gets better: the black, dri-fit crew neck is the perfect undershirt for the button-up uniform shirt Hotel B has for me!!!…I am not making that up…Now, Hotel A does not have a uniform shirt for me, so on days I have both the retailer and Hotel A, I will wear a dri-fit polo.

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 1030 Monday until 1530 Monday…Five hours…I actually started drifting off about 0830 or so, but I slept like crap, never for more than a couple hours at a stretch and it always took a while to get back to sleep, so the five hours more accurately reflects how much I actually slept and even that might be a tad generous…I woke up feeling exhausted, tho today was the last alarm clock for a few days…It’s all you can get sleep for the rest of the week and I am even considering taking PM gelcap before retiring Tuesday morning.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

The Diary of a Nobody was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

Read Gaylon’s latest: We The People: Making America America Again at


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