The Diary of a Nobody/October 21

Read Free Fortnight continues!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Sunday, October 21
One of the points I like to make here from time to is for the love of all that is sacred be careful when buying clothes at the retailer…If it’s a Leading National Brand (LNB) you’re generally OK, but their house brands can be hit or miss…Recall last week I bought a thermal shirt which looked pretty nice but I got it home and the sleeves started a couple of inches down the shoulder instead actually at the shoulder and this blew so I took it back…This experience caused me to think long and hard before pulling the trigger on a house brand sweater…Offhand, they look OK…Sharp, actually…They’re crew neck and come in colors I like and they’re $10 and you can’t really expect top quality for that price, but it’s the retailer not Rodeo Drive and it looked OK so what the heck.

So I tried one on yesterday and fit well and provided the comfort I demand so I bought a burgundy one because they didn’t have the dark green one I wanted in my size…I wore it for my shift at the retailer tonight and it went great…It’s warmer than you might think and looks good, too, and I am going to get at least one more and maybe two, depending…They will go well at work where it is usually cool at the service desk, which is right in front of the doors.

Still dead slow at the retailer…I spent most of the shift at my favored Aisle 5 and I was generally the only checker open and I still was not all that busy…One kid came thru with one heck of a bachelor purchase…I knew right off the bat, too…Cold cuts, cheap bread, house brand mayo (which is really good, by the by), ramen, macaroni and cheese (the LNB, yay!), pizza rolls…I asked if he was a bachelor and he said no, which was a lie, but he looked confused and may well have not known what bachelor meant…Which brings up the question what did he think I meant by it???…Anyway, he said he was new to town, here to work on the mountain this winter and he was buying for himself and I wanted to smack him and say that is the definition of bachelor you wizard but I am not paid to slap customers, only serve them.

Autumn brought a phone someone left at her register by the service desk…I put it in the bin in the cabinet and a few minutes later it rings…Call it the instincts all the great ones have if you must, but I knew – knew! – it was someone calling about the phone, so I answered it and it was the husband of the lady who left it…

Retailer service desk…
Yeah, this is my wife’s phone…
A pause, as if he was expecting me to utter a code word or something.

We’re in the parking lot…
She is going to come in and get it…

It was like pulling teeth, but eventually, she came in…Just to make double certain sure I was giving it to the right person I totally unnecessarily asked her name of the guy who called me and it turned out she did, in fact, know her husband’s name.

I was walking out after my shift and one of the Senegal guys who works graveyard summoned me…I cannot pronounce his name, correctly at least, without slobbering all over myself, but his first name begins with D and J…He usually stops by the service desk when he comes in to have me write out an envelope and check made out to the IRS…What’s almost interesting is he caught me after I had clocked out and was heading out…He was stocking stuff hear the paint section and I happened to be nearby buying my fave house brand donut shop knockoff coffee…DJ was prepared, tho, having his checkbook and the envelope ready to go…I do stuff like this for them all the time…Writing checks, translating official government documents, reading emails, you name it…The Wife told me once the word is out among them I’m trustworthy, which is both flattering and true, and one guy even let me enter his username and password for his bank account.

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 0900 Sunday until 1330 Sunday, tho I couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed until 1500 or so and it is entirely possible I nodded off during this time…This was not an official Sleep Management Day…There was the Sunday night shift at the retailer, of course, but not a hotel shift and regular readers of this crap know I don’t like to stay up all night in these situations, but I decided screw it, set the alarm for the usual time and see what happens.

What with the relatively odd hours I’ve been keeping this month and not sleeping days as much I used to I have not been keeping weekly totals like I used to…I know History will end up lamenting this fact, but rest assured I am getting my rest. 

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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