The Diary of a Nobody/October 7

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Sunday, October 7
More biscuits and gravy fun today for breakfast at the hotel!!!…Recall last week I couldn’t find the crockpot to keep the gravy warm in, obliging ol’ Sparrow to pull a solution out of his arse and I was thinking on my feet again today.

It was about 0615, 15 minutes before we go tactical with breakfast…The gravy had been warmed up and was on station in the crockpot and the sausage was out, too, and I had just pulled the biscuits from the rack they had been resting on…They weren’t stale but when I pulled them from the package they smelled like an old shoe, an exaggeration that is only slight.

Hell, a complimentary hotel breakfast isn’t to be confused with Sunday brunch at the Ritz, but even I know you can’t toss out biscuits that smell like old shoes and you can hardly spray Febreeze for Bread on them…So I got some biscuits from the freezer and thawed them out in the microwave…I’d never done this before but I am not a complete idiot and between the TIMED DEFROST button my ability punch in a time, I was able to have nine thawed out biscuits out on time, God bless all of you.

We were sold out but it was dead slow at the front desk and I didn’t see anybody – including Assistant GM Puja, who evidently had already retired for the evening – until a couple of drunk dudes stumbled in and spilled cereal all over the goddamned place, which they cleaned up in good spirits…Good thing nobody called because Puja had the cordless phone with her….Now, I could still answer the phone at the PBX station, but the ringing would have woken her and Dustin up.

Puja did none of the breakfast dishes from the previous day…I don’t really mind this…She works an awful lot and it is no big deal to wash serving trays, prep bowls and utensils…I had scoped this out, of course, soon after reporting for duty so it was not a surprise, and she had them neatly stacked in the kitchen in the manager’s apartment and it was a simple matter to take them to the laundry room and wash them.

Answered another candidate’s survey today…These questions came from the local paper, the same one sponsoring Tuesday’s candidate forum. The questions concerned my top three legislative priorities, my plan to lower health care costs (they’re higher than both the national and state averages here, I don’t know if that includes my new falsies.) my position on immigration, whether I support the new tariffs and a couple of others.

I wrote my three legislative priorities would be 1) not fighting wars that haven’t been declared by Congress, 2) a flat tax of five percent on incomes and elimination of the corporate income tax because that is just another expense they pass on to us and 3) setting up a section in the Justice Department that would devote its time to exonerating the innocent. My plan to lower medical costs is to return doctors and insurers to the free market…This would make them answerable to consumers which would lower costs and spur innovation…My immigration plan is let’s allow those currently here to stay here…Let’s give them a work card, allowing them to continue to build a life here tho this would not allow them to become citizens…If they want to vote and get a passport they can go back to their home countries…Citizenship must be reserved for those who play by the rules…Finally, I wrote I do not support the latest rounds of tariffs because they will only result in higher prices for us and American businesses deserve better than the ensuing retaliatory tariffs.

They would like it by Wednesday, so I will sit on it for a day or two and then take another look at it to make sure I still like it before sending it in.

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 1000 Sunday until 1300 Sunday…A nap, really, but I don’t have a hotel shift tonight and I want to avoid going to bed at 0300 or 0400 again.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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