The Diary of a Nobody – Sunday, May 6, 2018

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Sunday, May 6
Some of you might be wondering if I’ll be buying another house shirt…The first two I bought – the brick red and the navy blue ones – have, of course, been utter and complete triumphs, providing both the looks and comfort gentlemen of distinction – like me – demand while sleeping and farting around the house…They’re super comfortable, come in a variety of colors and are popularly price.

The other colors, tho, are barfy…One is light blue and the other option is gray, which are completely boring even to a dullard like me…So I think I’ll stick with brick red and navy blue, although maybe I should pick up a couple more of these because they’re not selling too well and are a seasonal item anyway, so they won’t be around forever…Could be good to stock up.

I don’t like the word diet, but the first couple of days of ol’ Sparrow not eating enough for two is going well…Recall I want my Navy dress blues to fit even better than they do now (kinda snug up top) for the Post’s Memorial Day ceremony this Memorial Day…Key is not to go too long without eating…In the past, I’ve been notorious for eating a lot and then not eating for half a day and this only leads to more eating a lot…A little here and a little there is providing benefits, such as never being too hungry or too stuffed…Also key is not eating too much before you go to sleep…I was notorious for this, especially fast food or convenience store crap after I leave work in the morning.

Took the quarterly active shooter training class today…The module always has the same information tho thankfully they present it differently every time…Today it was a very laid back black guy who was so mellow it seemed like he wanted to sell you weed as much as he wanted to provide information on how to handle an active shooter situation…One time the training showed a group of employees fleeing the building from the back office and it was funny because the first thing you noticed was all the men scooting out the door first, all but pushing the women out of the way.

Your options are basically to flee because they go out of their way to let you know your first obligation is to protect yourself…No heroes…If the dairy case gets shot up, that’s OK…If fleeing doesn’t work your instructions are to hide and if the shooter finds you then you try to beat the crap out of him, though how in the hell a matronly woman from the fabrics counter is supposed to smack around a shooter isn’t known…It did show some employees picking up assorted office supplies as the shooter lurks outside…Exactly what help a stapler and three-hole punch are supposed to offer isn’t detailed…Maybe that’s in another module. 

It’s pretty useful training, though, as far as it goes because you never know how you’ll respond until you find yourself having to respond to something…You could end up being Rambo or you could end up huddled in the corner weeping and sucking your thumb…You never know until the deal goes down.

I’ve been armed off and on over my working life and I’ve never had to use my weapon, tho I was prepared to once…I was a security officer at a hotel in Sin City and it was 3am and we were chatting with a drunk who had been doing something or another…I forget what…I am standing behind the dude, a step or two back and off to his right and he’s drunk and belligerent and he is also wearing an oversized shirt and who knew what was underneath that???…I probably just should’ve shot him for making me work in the middle of the night, but as it was I did unsnap my holster and had my hand at the ready, just in case…You simply never know, especailly when someone is wearing jacket or a large shirt…Nothing came of it, though, and soon enough I had the holster snapped shut again.

The module took about 20 minutes and I missed nothing up front…Heck, we are so slow right now I could spend my time earning a Bachelor’s Degree and still not miss much at the service desk.

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 9:30am Sunday morning until 3pm Sunday afternoon…Boy, I had a tuff time getting to sleep this morning, surprising because I was pretty tired the second half of the shift at the hotel, but that’s the way it goes sometimes…I read some of the book on the Chinese and started dozing off and put the book down and rolled over and it took a while…This is ironic…I can doze off instantly while reclining in an office chair watching MST3K but it takes time while lying in my own bed in my fave house shirt…Go figure.

It’s always exciting when a new sleep week starts…Well, maybe exciting is a strong word, but it is almost interesting…Five-and-a-half hours isn’t a great foundation for the week, but I’ve got all you can get sleep the next couple of days, so I’ll be able to catch up.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

The Diary of a Nobody was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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