The Diary of a Nobody/Thursday, August 30

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, August 30
Made some hotcakes today…Now, regular readers of this crap know that is more cooking than I like to do, and will not be surprised to learn most of the work was done for me…The Wife was off working off her membership at the gym in town when I woke up but she had everything ready…The batter was made, butter and syrup were out and the griddle was set up, too…All that was required was for ol’ Sparrow to turn the griddle on and wait for it to heat up and hell, even I can do that.

They came out pretty good, too…I didn’t put enough oil on the griddle to get the crispy edges I like but no matter…I got one big one, one medium size one and one small one, more than enough for a growing boy like me…I am such a well-trained husband I even did the dishes.

The wife will be off visiting the kids next week until the day before my new teeth get installed, so we prepped the second bedroom for my recovery, which The Wife insists will take every minute of the three days we’ve taken off in support of this evolution….There’s a spare bed in there we’ve set up, and we even cleared enough space for the rocking chair to be moved in there, tho it is unclear if that is for my use or hers…Maybe she can do some knitting while I recover…I recall the dentist saying recovery shouldn’t take more than a day, however when The Wife is in the mood to take care of you, you let The Wife take care of you and I am prepared to follow her instructions the whole time.

A friend of ours is running sheriff, a lady named Kristin and she put a couple of Kristin for Sheriff signs in our yard…This was not a surprise, she had texted me looking for our address and putting them in herself was excellent constituent service.

Kristen and I had actually had coffee a few months back as she quizzed me about what to expect when running for office…I told her to write down the reasons she is running and to be honest about it because it’s for her eyes only…Nobody else needs to see this…I also advised her to have positions on many issues but focus on two or three and for heaven’s sake have a scandal…As long as it doesn’t involve a dead woman or a live boy it was good and I told her about my scandal in my 2014 US Senate campaign.

Long-time readers will recall one Sunday morning a couple of weeks before the election I was up at 0400 using the can and my phone would not stop buzzing…Turns out people were calling me to complain about some robocalls that were going out in my name right then in the middle of the night…Well, that was the best publicity this or any other campaign of mine ever had because I got no small amount of statewide publicity out of it and while I didn’t win my 52,876 was then the highest vote total for a 3rd party candidate ever in a state US Senate election, tho that record was broken two years ago.

Anyway, The Wife is a big fan of her candidacy and I am, too, tho I also am on speaking terms with the current sheriff and it is probably never a good idea to piss off an incumbent, small county sheriff, but I don’t think he knows where I live…Kristin is getting a prime location, too, because The Shire is located right on Main Street on the east edge of town…She also put one on Maple Street for good measure.

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 1930 Wednesday until 0900 Thursday…13.5 hours!!!…With the nap earlier Wednesday expectations for this sleep session were about ten hours or so, frankly…13.5 was completely unexpected, especially since I’d averaged seven hours on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.

Never underestimate a tired Sparrow, tho…The weekly total is already at 38.5 hours and there are still two sleep sessions left.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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