The Diary of a Nobody – Tue 6/19/2018

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Tuesday, June 19
Got the lawn done today…I am not making that up!!!

I had planned to let it go until I got back from the Legion state convention because I wanted to give it some time to grow on the exciting, new medium setting I used last week, but it was a gorgeous day, not too hot, and the lawn needed a trim and Lord knows I was up early enough, so there I was.

First, tho, I had to go and get gas…Not only was the mower low, but the gallon can was out, too…Then I had to clear the yard…Good gravy, we’d had some wind recently and there were twigs and branches everywhere…The smaller ones, of course, I just mow over, but the big ones even I know you gotta move and today my commitment to Total Lawn Care was such that I even broke them down and put them in the trash can.

I started with Quadrant D today, which runs parallel with the alley…As I got started I see Jerry opening his garage and we wave at each other and the next thing I know he’s got his motorcycle out…Jerry on a motorcycle!!!…I didn’t even know he had one, frankly, but there he was hellbent for leather in full biker regalia…I don’t know if he was heading out to rob a bank or chase women, but he wasn’t gone long…In fact, I was still on Quadrant D when he returned, so maybe he just went and cruised the cemetery or something…He wasn’t done tho…He’s got several vehicles and the next thing I know he and Mrs Jerry were off in his pickup truck…His new one…He’s got a couple-three.

The lawn was a treat to do…The day was nice and the exciting, new midrange setting means it isn’t cut as short so it’s a tad bit easier…The only problem with the exciting, new midrange setting is it is not as easy to tell where you left off as it is with the really short setting – and sometimes you miss a strip!!! – but that’s pretty rare.

After that I sprayed for weeds…Don’t tell The Wife because she would prefer we keep the lawn organic but, boy, the lawn is not looking all that great…Certainly not a contender of Yard of the Year, like it has been in the past…The dandelions are gone, but there are other weeds all over the place, a lot more than in past years…The biggest culprit is some ugly, low-growing pox that has three leaves that are really annoying me…So I dug out the weed spray I bought last week and looked it over and was about to open it when I noticed the words ‘Weed and Grass Killer’ on it…Based on the instructions it is primarily designed to clear a garden of weeds and unwanted grasses.  

Well, hell, that’s not what I want…I want the grass to live…That’s why I mow it and water it…So I hauled off to the new hardware store here in our small town…They have some pretty good options, and I end up with a hose applied weed and feed deal that will not only kill weeds but might also provide some benefit for the lawn’s brown patches.

The directions weren’t entirely clear on how much of a soaking you should give an area, so I winged it and one quart turned out to be just enough – based on the official Sparrow Application Technique – for the entire lawn…It was pretty easy to use, too…You hook the hose up, turn it on, press a tab on the bottle and turn the knob and voila, you’re applying weed and feed to the lawn…At the end I tried to unscrew the bottle from the hose without having turned off the water and I got a splash in the face, but the bottle had been emptied, so I don’t think I took insecticide to the face, but I did wash my face when I got inside and if I sprout a third eye or something tonight at Hotel B, we’ll know why.

I got everything ready for the Legion state convention, too…Two suits, navy and olive, are ready to go…The olive suit I am reserving for Saturday’s banquet…It will be paired with black crew neck shirt and it is a look that will have the poor women in attendance disrobing…The navy shit will see duty at the Friday and Saturday session…I’m bringing a pink shirt for one day, and a light blue shirt for another, with appropriate neckwear, of course…I’m also bringing a pair of khakis and a polo shirt, just in case I feel casual one day…In my role as district commander, a suit is expected, even in today’s more casual society, but khakis and a polo shirt are part of the middle-aged white guy uniform, too, and they won’t kick me out if I were them one day.

I continue to get relieved late at Hotel B…Every day…It’s down to only a few minutes now, but late is late…Yeah, it’s not that much but you know what???…I always – and always means every single time – relieve early…I’m thru whining about it, tho, because it is plain no one is going to do anything about it…If the guy worked for me I would have fired him two weeks ago, but if I continue to whine pretty soon I’m the complainer and the problem and we don’t want that.

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 0830 Tuesday until 1330 Tuesday…Five hours…I am not sure why I am not sleeping more…Maybe the mammoth 12 and 13-hour catch-up sessions leave me a bit too rested…Maybe I don’t need as much sleep as I used to…I mean, I wake up on my own and feeling pretty good, so I’m sleeping pretty well, I’m just not sleeping all that long.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

The Diary of a Nobody was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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