The Diary of a Nobody – Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, April 25
The first flower of the spring has appeared at The Shire…As usual, it’s a tulip in the bed just to the right as you face the front door…A yellow one has bloomed first, tho there will other colors, too, if I recall correctly, which I may not…I do remember tho, that the tulips don’t last all summer, they tend to call it a day in late spring for some reason…The Wife explained why this was to me once, but the lesson is long forgotten.

I’m hoping to get the lawn mowed in the next couple of days, too…The Wife and I have a day off together Thursday and we are taking a day trip, but Friday morning should be good, we’ve haven’t rain or snow for a couple of days and it should stay dry.

Mic was babbling, as usual, at the retailer today…Recall he’s from Senegal and speaks several languages, most of them better than English and he can be difficult to understand which means you can ignore him…This morning at the service desk, though, he cornered me and for reasons I am still not entirely sure of, Mic starts talking about bidets…It’s funny because not only did he not know what they are called he also seems to be under the impression they are a relatively new invention.

Again, I don’t know what brought this up!!!…But here I am having a conversation – and a rather one-sided one at that – about exciting new bidet technology and Mic is going into some detail about how they work…He is motioning with his hands, apparently demonstrating the taking of a crap…I don’t know…Maybe they were hand motions consistent with that in Senegal, but for an American like me he looked like he was having a seizure…First, he started with a rather technical briefing on enjoying a constitutional – this was where the hand motions got confusing – and after a while I showed Mic a palm and advised him I was familiar with the procedure having enjoyed one as recently as that morning, which made him laugh…It didn’t stop him tho…He announced he wanted to find out more about these things and was determined enough to consult the Internet on it…He seemed surprised when I told him they were called bidets and that bidets have been around for centuries…Then I got out my phone, tapped a few buttons and in fairly short order was able to present him with the sum of human knowledge on bidets…After some research Mic said he could get one for a couple hundred dollars…Mic works 80 hours a week, making me look like a slacker, and has two kids so you would think bidet acquisition wouldn’t be all that high on the to-do list, but he seems determined…I did not tell him to keep me posted.

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 4pm Wednesday afternoon until 12:30am Thursday morning…I don’t know what in the hell is going on here.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

The Diary of a Nobody was inspired by the 18th century British novel of the same name.

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