The Diary of a Nobody – Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, May 2
Had more fun at Mic’s expense today at the retailer…I report for duty after Hotel B and Tiffany was there and Mic was regaling Tiffer with some thrilling tale about God knows what…Regular readers of this crap know a Mic tale could be anything from something actually having to do with work to how men in his native Senegal get four women to his talking point of last week, wanting to install a bidet on his crapper at home.

I walk up to Tiffer as if Mic isn’t even there and announce she has two options when Mic is talking to her…The first is to show him a palm and tell him to shut up…The second is to turn away, punch some numbers into the register and pretend to do something, because the registers aren’t good for anything except transactions although, now that I think about it you can answer some training questions on them….Both work, tho both company policy
and decorum frown on smacking him in the face. 

Mic pretends to take this seriously…He worms his way in front of me and taps his chest with his fingers and informed me what he was telling Tiffer was important…It’s in his usual English-is-my-93rd-language accent and is rather funny…I ask Tiffer if this is true and she demurs…She’s been here about a year or so and his working her way thru school…She volunteered for the wonders of the service desk after working the pick-up desk…She was polite and said whatever Mic was talking about was genuinely interesting, which I don’t think even Mic believed. 

Later I handled a sunflower seed return…Not the sunflower seeds you eat, the ones you grow…This was a first because most people use the seeds they buy…The guy bought them for work and said his boss wanted the ones that grew 12 feet or some such ungodly height…I checked the back of the packages and sure enough one package said it grew 20-inch plants while the other one said it grew 12-foot plants…Almost interesting is the fact the price was the same…I neglected to ask what business he was in that required 12 feet of sunflower plant, but he walked out with four packages, so there will be enough of them.

I spent a good amount of time working a register today…One guy came thru with what looked like a good bachelor purchase – frozen pizzas, Cheez-Itz, a gallon of chocolate milk – and I asked and he said no, he was married, but his wife had made the mistake of sending him to the store unaccompanied.

– She get’s what she gets…
I nodded knowingly.
– Yeah, wives take their chances here…There’s no doubt…

I received an email today from the Secretary of State’s office…It said they had reviewed my qualifications and the paperwork received from the party’s state office and everything was good, they are placing me on the ballot this November for the United States House of Representatives…I half-expected it to say they had reviewed my qualifications and decided that no, they were declining to put me on the ballot this time, but they didn’t have much choice…The only requirements for being a member of the US House of Representatives are being at least 25-years of age, a citizen for at least seven years and, at the time of the election, a resident of the state they are elected from, so there wasn’t much they could do.

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 7:30ish Wednesday night to 8:00am Thursday morning…The usual Wednesday night equalizer…I even took a PM, which was unnecessary because I’d been up a long time and would have slept that long regardless, but you know.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

The Diary of a Nobody was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.


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