The Diary of a Nobody/December 25

Yes, it’s Read Free Sunday (RFS) at The Diary.

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Saturday, December 25
Amy has dandruff emergency or something, so Assistant Front Desk Manager Q was holding down the fort when yours truly reported for duty…A bit later we were both in the back office when there was a pretty funny moment regarding the 3-hole punch…Recall with the addition of the monitor for the new key system there isn’t as much room on the back office desk as there used to be and the 3-hole punch was displaced from its usual place off to the right, where it was convenient for ol’ Sparrow, who uses it a couple of times every nite. 

Yours truly kept putting it back there but people kept moving it…First, it was placed off to the left near the printer and more recently it’s found a home at the very end of the desk, behind your right shoulder (next to the shredder, for those of you keeping score at home), which is actually a pretty good place for it…Regular readers of this crap know it was never entirely clear who was responsible for moving the 3-hole punch after yours truly kept moving it back. 

Until tonite…I was in the back office buttoning up my uniform shirt when Q wanders back and stops just inside the door…He looks towards the edge of the back office desk and points at the 3-hole punch…Q, it turns out, was the one who kept moving it. 

– I see you’ve given up all hope in locating the 3-hole punch to your satisfaction.
I stared at him, mouth agape.
– So it was you!!!
Q responded by – and this was pretty funny – pursing his lips and slowly nodded his head…Q was not to the manner born, but he can affect a snobbish air at need.
– It was I. 

Recall we all got pretty nice coffee cups here at the hotel and Q has decided to put his to work by becoming a coffee drinker…He noted it tastes like crap, so he’s putting some French vanilla creamer in it, which makes it pretty good, at least in the quantity he’s using…He’s also noting the time-honored, centuries-tested benefit of increased energy, reporting he is going about his duties with increased alacrity…I told him to be careful and to drink the stuff too late in his day because it will keep him up, something he plainly hadn’t considered, judging by the horrified look on his face. 

At about 0530 two things happened at the same time…First, this dipwad who simply could not get his cardio work in without the benefit of tee vee calls to whine that he can’t get the TV in the gym working…So I’m walking down the 101-125 hall when a guy exits 113 on his phone…(He had recently been by the front desk with his boys, by the by) and his end of the conversation makes it plain he’s on the phone nine-one-one…Well, can I be of service, sir???…He needs some ice because it seems his kid fell and hit his head so I get him some ice and deliver it to his room and then the paramedics are on the scene and I escort them to the room and I’m not really needed so I scoot to the gym where the dufus managed to figure out how to get the TVs working.  

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 0930 Saturday until 2130 Saturday…12.0 hours for the day and 54.0 hours for the week, just a half-hour behind last week’s all-time high (ATH)…The weekly average for December is also headed straight for the history books, a record 52.83333 hours per week, demolishing the old record of 52.3333 hours established last month.

Sparrow: The Year In Sleep: This is, of course, not only the end of the sleep week but also the sleep year and 2021 was a fabulous year in the sack: a calendar year average of 48.5 hours per week, a Sleep Log record…All told, ol’ Sparrow spent ruffly 2,522 hours sleeping this past sleep year, about 29% of the year and this year’s average is more than the 2020 weekly average (46.83 hours), 2019’s average (46.48) and is three hours more than 2018’s weekly average (45.4). 

All credit, of course, is due fo ti, that wonderful Chinese root I started taking over the summer and which has produced regular 50+-hour sleep weeks and while you don’t count your chickens before they hatch, we could be looking at 50-hour weekly average when we gather for the 2022 sleep numbers in a year…God bless all of you. 


The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence. 

 It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name. 

 Gaylon’s books can also be found at The Reading Salon.

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