The Diary of a Nobody/November 11

Yay for Read Free Sunday (RFS)

It’s Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Saturday, November 11
AGM Brandon was there when we reported for duty at the hotel…He was relieved to see me because he’d been by himself most of the nite and there had been 90 arrivals – an insane total for a 117-room hotel – and been going full tilt boogie (FTB) all nite…(Assistant Front Desk Manager Q, by the by, is enjoying some PTO). 

There was some hilarity with the right cash drawer, ol’ Sparrow’s home drawer…Brandon came and got it because he used it and when he returned it he noted it was 15 cents over…There’s no point in dropping a 15-cent overage, you just leave it in the drawer or, perhaps, take it out, but then you have to fuss over where to put it, so most people simply leave it in there…Anyway, when it came time for us to count the drawer, we had it at four dollars over of all things, I am not making that up…We counted the ones again and because Brandon doesn’t leave Cash Drawer Spreadsheets (CDSS) there wasn’t anything to check my total against, so we dropped the $4 

Then we’re making a sundry stand sale to this rather scruffy looking guy when three police officers wander it…When the scruffy guy is done, but still around the front desk, one of the constables approaches and asks what our policy is about giving the fuzz information and I tell him I will tell him whatever he wants to know…He said he appreciated that and asked if Mr X is staying with us…I tap a few keys and report that no, he is not…All right the officer says, thank you for looking. 

(Actually, some keeping score at home might note that Mr X may very well be staying with us and that his name is simply not attached to any room.)

A few minutes later the scruffy guy comes back and starts asking questions about when we give out information…This is certainly not a hotel FAQ, but it’s not unreasonable and we told Scruffy Guy that while guest information is given out to civilians only under circumstances that seldom, if ever, arise, we do cooperate with the police, mainly because you never know when your safe stay might depend on such cooperation…He saw the point to that but – showing a tad more interest in the matter than we were starting to feel comfortable with – he rewords the question a couple of times, obliging us to repeat ourselves, with Brandon eventually stepping in and saying ol’ Sparrow has been working hotels a long time and he knows what he’s talking about, which is true enuff. 

Recall the basketball court at the gym has been closed for a couple of days for a function, which turned out to be a fundraiser held tonite…We get there and there are cars all over the place, with the festivities well underway by the time we favored everyone with our presence and we ended up asking one of the caterers if the weight rooms were open…It was (there had been nothing on the signs saying they wouldn’t be) so we started in on our new twists/ropes/bike sprints workout…This really didn’t bother anyone, either, with me only visible for the second or two it took to walk between the weight and cardio rooms. 

We only did half a workout – five sets – tho, because after the fifth set the water bottle needed refilling and the required walking the length of the gym, in full view of everyone…This really wouldn’t have been that big of a deal save for the fact the comedian was up doing his nite’s work and he deserved better than having ol’ Sparrow wandering out and stealing his thunder…He had the crowd producing real laffs and not those fake -he’s-a-comedian-so-we-should-probably-laff laffs, so we called it a nite. 

There was a good turnout at the event, too, with some small-towners dressing up, which, as in small towns everywhere, could mean anything from untorn jeans and fussed-over boots to what’s probably their only suit. 

Friends, we have some modest experience here and have an official Sparrow ProTip for you: suits only work if they fit properly and not suit there tonite did…It really doesn’t matter what kind of suit you wear, either…Before we started putting on airs and shopping at Brooks Brothers, we wore JC Penny suits and those will draw you deserved compliments…But you will look like an oaf in a Brooks Brothers suit if you do not do the following: 

  • Make sure your suit fits…This seems obvious, but this point was not heeded by every guy tonite. 
  • Get the sleeves of your coat tailored!!!…If you do nothing else, do this, because nothing says “Small Town Hick” or “Big City Rube” more than sleeves that are too long…This ain’t cheap, but spend the money…It’s one of the first impressions your suit makes and, dude, first impressions are hard to forget…Any chick you’re chasing will notice and you can damn well bet your woman will notice it, too…In fact, she probably pestered you to get them tailored and a pox on you for ignoring your good wife. 
  • Get your pants hemmed to a proper length…Now, styles change regarding hems and drapes, so find something you like, even if it’s not the current trend…We like a cuffed, rather wide leg with very little break, but that’s us…You’re mileage probably varies, but for goodness sake, show your pants some attention, too. 

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 1030 Saturday until 1900 Saturday…8.5 hours for the day and 49.5 hours for the week, less than the past couple of weeks, but still a solid total. 


The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence. 

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name. 

Coming soon! Gaylon’s books in actual book form!

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