The Diary of a Nobody/July 18

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, July 18
Long-time readers of this crap know I am fond of saying that our lawn is an eclectic mix of grasses, weeds and whole grains, but this year fungi must be added to the list because we have more than the usual amount of mushrooms…We usually get them under the big tree near the front door, which we never use, but now they’re in the back near the alley, just up from the big tree near the front door, which we never use, near Main Street, underneath the tree near the heart garden that faces Main Street, and in the back corner, near the shed…I’m pro-mushroom, but even this is an awful lot and I’ll be honest, I just mow over them. 

The lawn is starting to take some time…The problem is two of our trees have really long branches now and I have to spend no small amount of time either fighting my way thru them or working around them…The big tree near the alley is almost a jungle, thick enough so you half-expect to see colorful parrots and lemurs is the three…The other is a smaller tree near on Maple Street, right where we put the trash out on Tuesdays and its branches are long enough where I can’t go straight thru to the street obliging me to mow the entire area under and around the tree at one time. 

I’ll tell you what, the weeds are everywhere this year, way more than in years past…I’ve been pulling them somewhat regularly with that implement we have where you stick it in over the weed, push it to one side and the offender is pulled up by the roots, but I think that only pisses them off and they just produce more weeds…I mean, I’ve pulled buckets of weeds and it looks like rather than trying to get rid of them I’ve been cultivating them…I am not even breaking even in the weed battle this year. 

The Wife went out and hired a maid for four hours of labor this morning…Our cabin was still a long way away from the Sparrow Level of Tolerance, but it was well past The Wife’s and, of course, ol’ Sparrow tries but he has his limits in a cleaning environment…The maid was a great hire…Her name was Maria and she knew exactly what she was doing…The Wife even made some changes to how the cabinets were stocked…To the right of the sink there is a cabinet that held water bottles and to-go coffee mugs, plus some other stuff…These were moved to the cabinet above the sink and replaced by our places and bowls…The extensive cabinet network to the left of the sink now has glasses and cup, but also food now, which had been stored on the counter…The only think on the counter now is the coffee pot, toaster, knives and a couple of other things…This orderly state of affairs should last a week.

This reminded me of the time I actually broke down and hired a maid…This was back in the bachelor days in Sin City and interest and opportunity had coincided and a chick was coming over and it had been a while since a chick had come over and I seemed to recall having a clean pad would be mission critical to scoring…The pad was my usual pigsty and it took two professional cleaners several hours – no small amount of which was spent in the bathroom – to get it even remotely presentable.

I was so into today’s cleaning evolution I completely lost my mind and cleaned my desk…I am not making that up…It had been so long I didn’t even bother with the box I keep under the desk for trash, I went straight to one of those 33-gallon trash bags…Filled half of it up, too…Most of it was stuff from the Legion – as district commander I am sent stuff all the time – but there was also the usual assortment of desk detritus I accumulate, mainly notes written to myself, but there was other crap, too.

Dinner was in the next county…The choice was left to me and in the Upset of the Year I didn’t select the Mexican joint…There’s a nice family style chain restaurant there I selected that, mainly because I craved a burger and they do those pretty well. 

I started the day at the gym…I had excellent strength but I didn’t have unlimited time, so I did a short workout…Still tho, I was beat by 12 noon…I don’t understand this…I don’t get this tired this soon on the other days I workout, but every Thursday, BOOM like clockwork, I’m yawning and ready for sleepies by early afternoon…Not that I’m complaining…It’s nice to know it’s only early afternoon and the land’s been worked and the chores are done and the rest of the afternoon can be spent at leisure. 

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: The sleep log will return. Sparrow screwed it up. 

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence. 

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name. 

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