The Diary of a Nobody/June 12

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

June 12
Renewed my acquaintance with drunks passed out in hotel hallways tonight…I’d run into this pretty much every hour on the hour working security in Sin City, but it’s rare in small-town hotels…It started right as I reported for duty with a call from a guy who said he had just received a call from his brother who apparently said he was about to pass out in one of our hallways…All right…We’re a classy joint that frowns on sleeping in our hallways – that’s why we gave you a room key – so I head out and find this young guy sprawled out in the hall of the east wing of the second floor…Fortunately, he was responsive, sleeping it off and not truly passed out, which could have obliged me to implement Official Sparrow Revival Techniques, such as pouring water in an ear or a sternum rub or, as a last resort, kicking him in the side of the head. 

He wakes when I yap at him, tho…He stands up and has no idea what room he’s in and is kind of peeved he has come with me to the front desk so I can verify who he is, find out what room he’s in and make him a key for it…He continued to get snitty, too, which happens sometimes when you are trying to help people and I’ve long suspected this is because they’re embarrassed…I’ve generally found that if you make them feel comfortable they’re generally nice but not this guy…He was determined to be cross…When I asked for an ID at the front desk, he not only pulled out his driver’s license but also his concealed carry permit and some credit and debit cards and other things with his name on it…I verified he was in 241 and I don’t think he made it because an hour later a man who turned out to be his boss drug him by the scruff to the front desk to verify his room number, after which he personally took him to it and poured him in.

Recall last week at the VSO I dealt with a guy named Dave…Dave was coming to town this past weekend for some concert and was looking for a barn or a garage to crash in…A homeless vet, he obviously felt that in my role as Veteran Service Officer I had a line on barns and garages for folks to crash in…Also, recall, he had shown up at the hotel looking to scam a free room from Brandon.

Well, I wasn’t in Monday, but he stopped by and then called and left a message…I also had a phone call from a lady at a local outfit that runs a thrift store and a food bank…Seems Dave had, instinctively probably, found them which isn’t easy because they are on the far side of town and not on the main drag, either…She called to tell me he had been hanging out there and they really do not have “transitional” housing and could I help…Well, he ended up at the Human Services office across the street where he was told we don’t have transitional housing up here.

Duane, a VSO in another county and buddy from the Legion, called to warn me the state veterans board – of which is outgoing chairman – is going to have their June 2020 monthly meeting up here…Specifically, he wanted to warn me not to let any of the bastards from the state office pawn any work off on me…It is completely their deal to organize and run…to quote Duane all I have to do is show up and look pretty…Good, because I don’t have any skills planning meetings of boards I am not a member of.

Kelly, the Human Services department head, emailed me a spreadsheet with some budget figures for next year on them…Christ, I might as well have been reading Chinese…Adding to the horror is she said she can take care of the Veteran Affairs part this year, but I would be allowed to do it next year…Good gravy…I am not a complete idiot and like everyone else I have my talents, but boy, asking Sparrow to work any financial element more complicated than a gratuity is asking for trouble…As it was I looked it over and the travel budget looked reasonable and there is some modest advertising monies available, but overall I was confused…Red number, black numbers, above/below average, percent of average, dear me, this is why The Wife handles our money…I know almost nothing about budgeting and if you try to explain it to me don’t be surprised if my eyes gloss over or roll to the back of my head because my interest level in this is, officially, Very Low.

After the 1400 staff meeting I’m at the Human Services front desk farting around with Denise and this kid walks up and announces he’s in receipt of a letter announcing his EBT benefits (the 21st century version of food stamps, they come on a debit card) are going to end June 21…I’d seen him drive up and park and walk up and I thought to myself, well, maybe that Jaguar you drove up in had something to do with it…I kept my mouth shut, tho, having learned at the retailer you never know who qualifies for help putting food on the table…I did mention it to Jennifer after he left tho, because Jennifer’s a funny sort and she laughed, too, noting the car belonged to the kid’s mom and I thought maybe mom could fork over some grocery money instead of classy wheels, but, in a display of might be my only real talent, I kept my mouth shut.

Filled out the monthly paperwork today, too…The state pays most of my salary and there’s a form I have to fill out…There are numerous boxes with duties like phone calls handled and claims filed and whatnot and I put a number next to them, representing the number of times that month I did those things…Fortunately, they don’t require documentation with it because I don’t keep track of phone calls and emails and whatnot, preferring to wing it.

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: As usual, there was no sleep to report on Wednesday.

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The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence.

It was inspired by the 19th century British novel of the same name.

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