The Diary of a Nobody/March 27

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Friday, March 27
Well, I am still essential at the Veterans Service Office (VSO)…Having not heard from anyone I headed in for my usual Friday shift this morning and my office didn’t have yellow tape across the door and no one barred me from entering, so this is one job I still have. 

I had an email from Jenn, my nominal supervisor in the Human Services office, that had a doc on it about work from home procedures, which no small number of county employees – including, I think, Jenn – are doing…Part of it involved me filling in exactly what I did…The form she sent was for a caseworker, and I was to delete that and fill in my job description.

I dunno…We haven’t been that busy lately and a completely accurate description would include staying hydrated and working on projects, but instead, I included a bunch of official crap that basically could be boiled down to yours truly being available 20 hours a week, helping veterans deal with the VA and filling out state paperwork. 

The big news at the county is while the call center is still being manned, it is being handled remotely now…There was an email this morning detailing the change: callers will be instructed to leave a voicemail and we are charged with calling from home, retrieving the message, finding an answer and calling the person back…This is both good and bad…Good because I can change into my jammies and sit in front of my computer and do project work, but that was what I was doing during idle call center time anyway: sitting in front of my laptop and farting around. 

Then I came across an email from Julie, our assistant director, saying that department personnel are to stop working the call center (officially the Joint Information Center) for reasons having to do with the fact we are not particularly well informed on what we are talking about, a point not entirely without merit. We are neither doctors nor public health professionals…I’m the VSO others work in elections and whatnot and more often than not we referred the caller to the Ask A Nurse Hotline or somewhere else…So, on Julie’s instructions, I canceled my session this afternoon…It was OK with me…I would, frankly, rather sit in the VSO waiting for the phone to ring – which it hasn’t been – than working from calling in to retrieve voicemail every 15 minutes. 

And as far as I can tell the hotel is still open…I can’t be bothered to call and see if Tammy or Devani answer or if it goes to voicemail, but recall I lost a shift so I don’t go back until Saturday nite and if they have closed I’m sure someone will tell me…I checked their website, just for funsies, and it noted the restaurant was closed but said nothing about the hotel being closed, so maybe we’re OK. 

To celebrate the impending end of mankind, I’ve taken to growing a beard…I haven’t shaved since, I think, Tuesday night before heading into the hotel, so I got a pretty good head start…No human being – except a woman, perhaps – looks worse in a beard than I do but, as shown by my walk yesterday, unprecedented times call for unprecedented measures…I fiddled around with it a bit this morning, too…I shaved the upper part of my cheeks, where I know from experience it doesn’t really grow completely in and – get this – I shaved the part between the end of the sideburns and the bottom of the ear!!!…I am not making that up…I have some zero clue what compelled me to do that, but it’s done now so there’s no going back and in a few days we’ll have a better idea of how it looks….I also shaved a good portion of the neck.   

The wash-that-gray-right-out-of-your-hair shampoo I use specifies it’s not for beards, but I used it for that anyway when I showered this morning because even after three days it’s plain there will be no small amount of gray. 

I was so confident I would have the next five weeks off I didn’t clean the house Thursday…I had planned to get at the piles of stuff off my desk – and the bedroom still needs attention – but it’s still looking pretty good because I’m keeping up with the kitchen…I’m still thinking of moving the microwave from the top of the dryer so I can put folded clothes there, but having it there forces me to actually put folded clothes in drawers and whatnot, so I may keep the microwave where it is. 

Sparrow’s Sleep Log: 1830 Thursday until 0130 Friday…7.0 hours for the night and 37.0 for the week and I am here to tell you it was a lousy night of sleep…Recall I’d had macaroni and cheese for dinner Thursday nite – a whole box, which is enuff for two people and it caused the old problems of constant thirst and getting up to use the can every two hours.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence. 

It was inspired by the 19th-century British novel of the same name. 

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