The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, September 1 For the record, the first load of laundry in the new washer – and mark well the date, August 31, 2016, – was a mixed load: a couple of towels, some of my underwear and shirts, plus some stuff of The Wife’s…There wasn’t too much because The Wife had gone to the laundromat the day before and I was kinda disappointed we didn’t have a full load…There will probably other opportunities for full loads, however.

Her Majesty started school this week…She is taking some prerequisites for nursing school and she reported she’s already bisecting (dead) pigs in anatomy lab…Crap, a pig!!!…I remember getting squeamish cutting up a worm in high school…She showed me a pic of it, too…It looked pretty gross:

– This is bacon???-
– 
Naw, it’s too young for bacon, I think.
– But it would’ve been bacon one day???

In other news from the Animal Desk, a guest had a funny at work today…I was checking him, his wife and another couple they were with in…The gentleman said they were both more or less celebrating anniversaries this weekend and I offered congratulations and asked how many years???…He said their combined years married was in the 60’s…His wife then started prattling about anniversary presents and such things that amuse women…After she piped down I wondered aloud what the traditional gift for the 61st anniversary was…With perfect timing the gentleman said:

Salmon.

For reasons I am not prepared to explain I thought that was a lot funnier than it probably was and laughed appropriately…The wives didn’t think it was all that funny, tho…Looking back, it was probably more of a fishing joke than anything.

Work otherwise was a complete fiasco…Stephanie is on leave…She is not well…Today was the first of the month and Araceli, the Assistant GM, asked me to go over the Income Journals for the month…She said Stephanie had trouble balancing them the last couple of days.

All right…I go looking for it and can’t find it…Stephanie must have been working on a spreadsheet located in thin air, because I couldn’t find it in the usual place on the usual drive…So Araceli uploads a blank one, which means the whole month needs to be done in about ten minutes, but then I have front desk duties to attend to and by the time I leave I’ve gotten exactly three days done.

And even that wasn’t easy because the final report for the day generated by Mic the Nite Auditor at the POS machine, called the Double Z (ZZ) report can’t tape it properly to the back of the sheet.

The tape is very dark…It is not your usual Scotch tape, but rather resembles the adhesive tape you get out of the first aid kit…It is virtually opaque and renders the figures it covers up unreadable, at least to me…So I had to go to the POS machine to generate the reports again so I could get the sales tax revenue for each day.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence. It was inspired by a 19th century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, August 30
Phil was here right on schedule today with the washer…I timed him and it only took him 18 minutes from the time he knocked on the door to the time he pulled out…That included disconnecting and hauling away the old washer and professional installation of the new one.

Phil and I had met yesterday when we bought the washer and he’s a quiet guy with a low key sense of humor.

Sparrow: Looks like a pretty routine installation job there, Phil…
Phil: Yeah…Any idiot could do it…

Phil winked when he said that because yesterday I had blabbed about how I stood a good chance of mucking up the installation and was glad to fork over for his expertise…I may even had used the word idiot.

I even cleaned up the floor under the washer during the changeover…It was pretty dirty…There was some spilled detergent and no small amount of lint and a moderate amount of general dirt…I swept it up and then got some all-purpose cleaner and an old towel and sprayed and wiped it down – twice – and it didn’t look half bad…It wasn’t ready for inspection by the Commandant of the Marine Corps, but you leave cleaning to ol’ Sparrow you take your chances…Phil, the type of regular guy you’d expect out of a small town appliance installer, looked it over before putting the new washer in and said I did OK…I’ll take it.

The Wife, by the by, was nowhere to be found during this evolution…She was off working at the spa and then spent some time in town with Her Majesty and by the time she got back I had half of the first load ready to go.

I was kind of disappointed I didn’t get a laundromat run in…I’ve logged many a session at laundromats, including many times with Pa Sparrow as a kid…My favorite memory was the time my late younger brother drank some bleach…That completely ruled, at least if you were a 12-year-old like I was…After he had finished ralphing, a matter of no more than 45 minutes, my brother, then all of six, reported he had thought the measuring cup was filled with a refreshing beverage and not a substance used to make whites springtime fresh.

The Wife did report that her laundromat session had cost us $14.50…That was for four loads and you throw in going twice a week and you’re talking $30 bucks a week to clean clothes, so the new washer will pay for itself in three months.

Phil also thank me for shopping local…Yeah, well, you know…Shopping local is sometimes a euphemism for paying more with lousy service – or paying less for a cheap product – and I told him honestly we spent our money with him because he offered quality gear at a good price, not to mention his friendly, expert installation…He said you couldn’t beat that, shook my hand, and headed off…He did say he probably wouldn’t bother fixing the old washer, either.

The Wife’s apple sauce had turned to apple butter overnight!!!…Oh baby, is it good…She said it would great on hotcakes…She didn’t make me hotcakes, she had to get out the door, but she said she would one day.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence. It was inspired by a 19th century British novel of the same name.

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The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 1

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 1
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Foremost Humorist

And they’re off!

Coaching changes, key injuries and lousy drafts all come to a head as the race for the most coveted trophy in sports – the Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – is about to kickoff.

Sure, all eyes are on the anticipated dog fight between Tennessee and Cleveland, but veteran Bottom Ten fan(s) know you ignore the long shots only at your peril. The race for the Dan Henning Trophy is a 16-week sentence that only the weak, unfocused and untalented survive.

The opening week mess, as the nags enter the track:

Editor’s Note: 2015 records, final Bottom Ten ranking in parenthesis.

1. Super Bowl 50 Fiasco of a title game was easy pick for 2015 B-10 Game of the Year honors…18 penalties, 6 turnovers and 12 sacks made this a B-10 Instant Classic…First Super Bowl to achieve Week 1 top ranking since that one were Garo Yepremian tried to throw a pass that one year …Next Loss: Never…There will never be a Super Bowl worse than this one.

2. Cleveland Browns (3-13; 2nd) – Browns fans ecstatic over 2015 runner-up finish, of course, but B-10 perennials must avoid crushing late season win(s) if they hope to ascend to B-10 promised land…Opening Loss: at Philadelphia

3. Dallas Cowboys (4-12; 3rd) – While B-10 pollsters firmly convinced Cowboys could contend for B-10 title with Tony Romo at QB, they are super double-sure they will do worse than another medal stand berth now that he’s broken his back again…Opening Loss: New York Giants

4. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11; 5th) – 19 wins over last five (5) seasons and a 2013 medal stand finish have made Jaguars one of B-10’s most stable franchises, but morale-depleting consecutive wins and failure to lose the big one has kept team from coveted B-10 title…Opening Loss: Green Bay

5. Tennessee Titans (3-13; Two-time defending Bottom Ten champions) – 2014…2015…2016?…Dare Titan fan(s) dare to dream of a B-10 three-peat???Team officials hoping glow of offseason B-10 Hall of Fame induction doesn’t cause team to rest on their laurels  lose focus……Opening Loss: Minnesota

 6. AFC South (25-39; 7th) – Defending Pete Rozelle Award winners – issued to NFL’s worst division – early picks for repeat performance…Could get competition under seldom used NAFTA clause from CFL East, where three teams have four wins and one has three and none have a winning record…Opening Loss: Entire Week 1 schedule

7. Chicago Bears (6-10; 9th) – Midgets of Midway at crossroads…Not too bad and not too good in 2015, Bears must do some deep soul searching to see if they have what it takes to contend in 2016…Six (6) of ten (10) losses were by less than a touchdown, so they’ve shown they can blow the close ones…New Soldier Field still ugliest stadium in history of mankind…Opening Loss: at Houston

8. NFL Relocation (0-3) – Played king maker and allowed the favored Rams to move back to a city they’d once abandoned but allowed Dean Spanos to play by the rules then gave it to him in the shorts, forcing him to either work a deal in San Diego or become tenants of the Los Angeles Rams…Next Loss:

9. Los Angeles Rams (7-9; NR) – Returning for three seasons to stadium they rejected as inadequate in the Carter Adminsitration…B-10 pollsters, who were in LA at the time, still flummoxed as to why they left in the first place…Few teams and cities had the bond the Rams had with LA…Next Loss: at San Francisco (9/12)

10. San Diego Chargers (4-12; 6th) – With offseason chaos concerning moving and being unable to sign top draft pick, Chargers should easily have sufficient momentum to build on losing ten (10) of last twelve (12) in 2015 (2015)…Opening Loss: at Kansas City

This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Entire AFC South schedule

This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Cleveland at Philadelphia

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

 Tuesday, August 30
The Wife spent the day making crab apple sauce…Or maybe it was crab apple butter…I’m not really sure and, honestly, I don’t think she is either…Her test batch was more like applesauce than anything, but The Wife advised me the stuff she canned will turn into crab apple butter.

OK…Whatever it ends up being the free sample The Wife provided was really good…I was very proud of The Wife because she has talked about canning since we got here a few years ago and this was her first canning attempt in a couple of years and you could tell she was very pleased with herself…She said it will be really good on hotcakes.

She spent a lot of time on it, too…I’m not going to provide a complete recipe, but it took all of the afternoon and she was still fussing with it when I retired to do some reading.

Purchased a new washer today…Recall the old one was on the fritz, the repair guy never called me back and the washer was pretty old and would have to be replaced anyway.

I did some research…First, we found a national chain had one on sale for $299…That’s a pretty good price, but low enough to get you wondering what’s wrong with it…The Wife had gone to the store’s outlet in town, but they didn’t have the model and some further research found more negative comments than I felt comfortable with, so I searched for appliance stores over in the next country…There were a couple-three options and I found a name-brand washer that looked good for $369…I emailed them because they had a button that said “Request A Quote” and Veronica wrote back saying she would be thrilled to knock $20 off and that delivery to The Shire was complimentary and they would be pleased to install it and haul away the old one for $75.

Well, hell, even I know that’s a pretty good deal…So we went out today and bought it…The Wife looked it over and said it would be a nice addition to the house…It was big enough and she approved of the fact it was a leading national brand.

We were grateful for the complimentary delivery…Had we gone with the national chain store delivery would’ve been over a hundred bucks, tho I told The Wife Ben, Her Majesty’s friend, would probably jump at the chance to make big points with us and deliver it for us in his nice, large pickup truck…Installation would’ve been a hassle, tho The Wife probably could’ve handled that…Regular readers of this crap know I certainly wouldn’t.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence. It was inspired by a 19th century British novel of the same name.

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The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 1

The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 1
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Foremost Humorist

It’s time to open the manhole cover.

Hopes are up and expectations are low, as usual, as the hemisphere’s worst college football teams duke it out for the ESPNCup, symbolic of collegiate Bottom Ten supremacy.

While the sheer depth of the past few season might be missing, the 2016 Bottom Ten campaign does welcome back two (2) 0-12 teams, not to mention Army and the entire Sun Belt conference and most of the MAC.

The opening week fiasco:

Editor’s Note: 2015 record and final Bottom Ten ranking in parenthesis.

  1. Kansas (0-12; Defending Bottom Ten champions)
    Mitigating Factors: Defending ESPNCup champions have lost nation’s-best 15 straight…Brutal early schedule features opener against I-AA team that went 1-10 in 2015 and Week 2 tilt against usual MAC powerhouse, which could leave Jayhawks in prime position to win third Tostitos Plaque – issued to team with longest losing streak in a season that actually includes a win… Kansas has not won consecutive games against teams that finished season with winning records since 2009.
    Dust In The Wind: With B-10 under their belt, Jayhawks mid-decade favorite for B-10 Team of the Decade honors, having gone 12-60 since 2010.
    Opening Loss:
    Rhode Island

2. Cheney (0-11; 5th)
Mitigating Factors: Division II Wolves still basking in glow of triumphant 2015 campaign, expected to contend – strongly – for third straight and fourth overall Continental Cup – issued to team with longest all-division losing streak in NAFTA sphere of influence…Cheney has lost 43 straight and 77 of 81 and has gone winless ten (10) times this century…They also went winless 16 times in the last century, too.
Bound For Glory: With an 0-3 start Wolves will tie Minnesota-Morris’ all-time D-II record of 46 consecutive losses.
Opening Loss:
at Lincoln (9/1)

3. Defense Department (Army: 2-11; 4th, VMI: 2-9, NR)
Mitigating Factors: Black Knights of Confusion barely miss out on 2015 B-10 medal stand berth, but do claim 8th straight Sgt Bilko Trophy – symbolic of service academy lousiness…Army expected to be severely hampered by preseason Defense Secretary ruling requiring offense – in order to gain valuable trench warfare experience – to gain only 14 inches per play in 2016.
Ten-Hut: VMI has compiled three (3) consecutive two (2) win seasons, and have not had a winning season since earliest years of Reagan Administration…Keydets expected to be so bad in 2016 Student Joint Chiefs of Staff forcing squad to play of four (4) of first five (5) games on the road, with home games scheduled for 2am on Tuesday mornings.
Opening Losses: Army: at Temple; VMI: at Akron

4. St Mary’s (0-8; NR)
Mitigating Factors: A NAFTA-mandated Canadian entry, Huskies have lost Great White North-best 16 straight and have posted two straight losing seasons, pretty good, but still a far cry from the six (6) consecutive losing season Toronto had from 2002-07, inclusive, which itself is a far cry from Tijuana Tech’s 23 straight losing seasons in mid-20th century…Poor US/Canadian exchange rate taking toll on athletic programs as Canadian fields now have two 50-yard lines and 25-yard end zones and teams now only get three plays to make a first down.
Dry, Technical Matter: The Uteck Bowl – one of the two Canadian college football national semifinal games – was named after Larry Uteck, a former Saint Mary’s athletic director…B-10 pollsters realize there was nothing funny about the previous line, they just like saying “Uteck Bowl”.
Opening Loss: at Acadia (9/10)

5. Duke (8-4; NR)
Mitigating Factors: B-10 Team of the Decade for Double Aughts gets customary preseason ranking mandated by B-10 bylaws…Bleu Devils actually have been pretty good the past few years, as B-10 Hall of Famers have not filed a losing season since 2012 and consecutive winless seasons since 2000-01.
All Is Lost: Historic 2015 season saw Duke finish year with consecutive wins for first time since 1985 and Pinstripe Bowl triumph over dreaded Indiana was first bowl win since 7-6 thrashing of Arkansas in 1961 Cotton Bowl.
Opening Loss: North Carolina Central

6. Vanderbilt (4-8; 10th)
Mitigating Factors: Always a darling of B-10 pollsters, Commodores get usual, lofty preseason B-10 ranking…Traditionally strong finishers, Vanderbilt roared into B-10 contention after losing four (4) of last five (5) in 2016…Vanderbilt still benefiting from turn of the century decision to merge Student Affairs, Athletic departments as 2016 special teams to be manned mainly with transfers from Vienna Boys Choir.
Those Were The Days: Sometimes part of hilarious Tri-Lateral Commission entry with Rice and Duke, Commodores looking to make big VB-10 splash on their own in 2016…Key will be to avoid annual mid-season, momentum depleting win against lower level team.
Opening Loss: South Carolina

7. Sun Belt Conference
Mitigating Factors: Defending B-10 Conference of the Year winner, Sun Belt easy pick for 2016 repeat…Conference so bad B-10 pollsters had to – again – deny B-10 staffers pleas to name award for conference and retire them from contention in order to open up opportunities for other deserving conferences to win award…Soccer, more soccer and chick volleyball all featured on Sun Belt homepage before first football story.
Oh Come All Ye Faithful: Despite non-conference woes, Sun Belt expected to rebound for strong .500 mark in conference play.

8. Eastern Michigan (1-11; 3rd)
Mitigating Factors: Despite another medal stand finish in 2015, Eastern Michigan fan(s) starting to get antsy for first B-10 title…With losing streaks of ten (10), eight (8), eight (8) and seven (7) games all since 2012, Eagles turning into type of B-10 juggernaut that earns Team of the Decade consideration…Eagles get big strength of schedule points for playing in MAC – everyone in the MAC gets big strength of schedule points for playing in MAC – and Eagles B-10 success will depend on blowout non-conference losses.
Commitment To Excellence: Broncos in tough in opener against lower level team, and mettle will be tested with 9/17 game against Charlotte, a school in their second year of major division football.
Opening Loss: Mississippi Valley State

9. UMess (3-9; NR)
Mitigating Factors: UMass – or UMess, as B-10 pollsters like to call them – have gone 8-40 since resuming major division football in 2012 and still have not beaten major division team that finished season with winning record since beating Holy Cross in 1901…While other schools jockey for positioning to join big 12 conference, independent Minutemen – who were more or less thrown out of the B-10 powerhouse  MAC – are hoping a couple of wins might get them consideration into New England Collegiate Flag Football Alliance.
We Get The Point: UMess has not had a winning season since 1904 squad went 5-2-1, which includes a win over Worcester Tech, which is actually a high school.
Opening Loss: at Florida

10. Central Florida (0-12; 2nd)
Mitigating Factors: Not satisfied with being only second team in B-10 history (Eastern Michigan, 2009) to run the table and finish in the runner-up spot, UCF fired their coach in an attempt to earn their first ever ESPNCup…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” Knights first team “basically ever” to finish a season ranked 120th or worse in nine (9) official NCAA stat categories.
Running The Numbers: With zero (0) five (5) star recruits, two (2) four (4) star recruits and 793 walk-ons from local continuing education satellite campus, incoming freshmen expected to lay foundation for years of B-10 success.
Opening Loss: South Carolina State

Opening Week Clash of the Titans: Army at Temple

This One’s Going To Suck, Too: Mississippi Valley State at Eastern Michigan

Up Next On ESPN3,723: VMI at Akron

Strategies of the Great Coaches Series: “We’re not gonna set our sights on big goals. We aren’t gonna talk about national championships.” New Central Florida head coach Scott Frost.

Read past editions of The Bottom Ten here.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Monday, August 29
The washing machine is on the fritz…The problem is pretty obvious, too: it is not catching the spin cycle and just sits there filled with water and wet clothes.

We will probably get a new washer tomorrow or Wednesday on our days off…One, the repair places we contacted haven’t followed up…Now, of course, I could call them again but this could be a sign because The Wife and I talked about it: a repair probably is going to cost a hundred or a couple of hundred dollars and the washer, which came with The Shire, is not new…We are not entirely sure how old it is, but I’m thinking 20—25 years old, so eventually we’re going to need a new one.

It is going to be a tight fit, because our doors our only 27.5 inches wife, but the preliminary research I’ve done shows a lot of washers are 27 inches wide and they got the current one in here somehow, so we should be OK….To avoid this hassle I suggested a roof cut, but The Wife vetoed that idea.

The Wife was going to go to the laundromat tonight, but while I was pulling my first cashier shift at the retailer she got busy washing some crab apples she’d collected, so laundry didn’t get done.

The time passed pretty quickly at the retailer…It wasn’t slammed but it was steady the whole night and I was only there a few hours…I was thinking I’d get an hour or so of training in, but I watched Darcy checkout a couple of people and the I was thrown in there…It’s not particularly difficult and I was moving along pretty well in short order.

One customer was a guy probably in his late 20’s…His items included a frozen pizza, a couple of frozen lasagnas, some chips and soda…I looked up at him:

Bachelor???

Actually, it really wasn’t a question…I knew…I was a bachelor for many years…I know a bachelor when I see one…The guy chuckled and said, yeah.

– How’d you know???
– I recognized the food groups.

I have completely lost interest in the lawn…Where the hell is winter???

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence. It was inspired by a 19th century British novel of the same name.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Sunday, August 28
Some more notes from dinner a couple of nights ago:

It was really good…Her Majesty is a splendid cook, just like her mother…She made a pork roast you could cut with a fork, plus some Brussel sprouts with bacon…Her Majesty quizzed me on my mashed potato consumption tho…The Wife – who like all wives thinks her husband will starve unless he is given 10,000 calories a day – gave me the kind of portion you would give to a kid on the football team and I didn’t eat all of it.

Honestly, I am not the biggest mashed potato fan around…I don’t dislike them but, you know…I told Her Majesty, more or less honestly, that while I liked her mashed potatoes I only had a limited amount of stomach space and I wanted to reserve that for her fabulous roast pork and Brussel sprouts…Now, Her Majesty has seen me eat pizza so she knows this wasn’t completely true, but she knew it was more or less true and gave me a pass.

The boy she brought by Ben, is a nice guy…Determined to make a good impression on us, he was issuing “Sirs” and “Ma’ams” like it was Week 1 at a service academy.

He also washed out the kitchen trash can…I am not making that up!!!…We happened to be standing next to each other in the kitchen when I found this out…I looked at Ben, which was moderately funny because Ben is pretty tall and I probably resembled a kid looking up to an adult.

Wow…You’re really kissing our ass, aren’t you???

The line got the laffs it deserved…Looking back, it might well be a Line of the Year candidate.

The light bulb went out in the bathroom last night, too…Probably to better prepare us for the family camping trip in a couple of weeks, The Wife chose not to replace the bulb just yet, but instead put a battery powered lantern in there.

A little before 4pm I was heading up the stairs to the employee lounge at the retailer to steal from Cheez-Itz from The Wife’s locker and I’m not even halfway up and I can hear her yapping to some of the girls about how we met.

We met over nine years ago and she is still lying about this!!!…As soon as I come into view everyone laffs and I stand there with my hands on my hips pretending to be cross adding we met over nine years ago and you still can’t get it right, which made the girls giggle.

I then turned and walk back down the stairs…I never did get the Cheez-Itz.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Saturday, August 27
More break room hijinks today!!!

I’m there with Victor and Lance and Victor is admiring my bracelet…As he should…It’s really nice, gold, a gift from my mother almost 30 years ago…Victor’s admired it before and even said it was “fly”…I’m neither young nor cool enough to know exactly what in the hell “fly” means outside of an aviation context, but it was plain Victor admired it…Victor then showed me his, too, a platinum one that looked pretty good and then Lance chimed in about a bracelet he had even tho he wasn’t wearing it at this particular moment.

This is great…Three guys talking about their bracelets.

The classic Sparrow pause.

Yeah, we’re studs.

I actually have two bracelets, the other one being a silver I inherited from Pa Sparrow when he died…What is almost interesting is I didn’t even know he had it until mom gave it to me after the funeral…Dad never wore it because Dad did not like wearing jewelry…This is kinda funny because Mom got it for him when they got married and you can forgive Mother for not knowing this because they got married on fairly short notice after Dad knocked her up with me.

I did two interviews at work today…The one by phone didn’t go to well…The company has a list of questions you select from the candidate answered all of them, but not directly, which gave her some negative marks…The kid who came in for his interview was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt but otherwise did well.

Pulled my first part-time shift for the retailer today, too…I spent the whole time taking some online classes…Evidently a Salaried Member of Management is all-knowing and can solve any problem because we are to squeal for them anytime anything out of the ordinary happens and I got the impression a Salaried Member of Management accompanied Moses down from Mount Sinai with the Ten Commandments and if they deployed a team of Salaried Members of Management to Syria the war there would be over in a couple of days.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

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The Thought for the Day – Joseph Heller

The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them. – Joseph Heller, Catch-22


Catch-22 is one of the funniest books we’ve read and still ranks as one of the most significant American novels of the 20th century. It’s one of the few books we’ve read more than once, although we don’t re-read it regularly like some other books.

Like all good humor, it has a point to make.

The country was in peril;

Though Catch-22 was set in Italy in World War II, today’s Thought is relevant today. Our country is in peril and while it is popular to blame the media, lobbyists and incumbents, the truth is it’s all our fault. We’ve become complacent in this country. We are entertained and well-fed and we aren’t really paying attention to what our government has done to our once-proud country. We are tolerating a government that is an international embarrassment: a fractured, partisan and bickering mess. Personally, I’m on record as saying our country will collapse before this half-century is out if we don’t do something. Some think we have less time with the biggest pessimists not really believing America will survive the decade.

Our government, which is to say us, has done a lot of damage. We have been at war every day since 1989 – over a quarter of a century – and we are in debt to the mind-numbing tune of $19 trillion dollars, an almost unfathomable sum that went up by a hundred thousand dollars in the few seconds it took to type this line.

…he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.

This is a funny, thoughtful line.

We might think we are jeopardizing our rights by overhauling our government at the ballot box…It’s easy to think that, frankly, because what he have now is familiar and to change that goes against human nature.

But we have no choice because by not exercising them we are forfeiting them. We must dare to exercise our freedom and independence if we are going to save our country from peril. Only you and I – we the people – can do that and the best place to do it is the ballot box. We must have the courage to overcome ourselves and become demanding and participating citizens. No one is going to do it for us.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

 Friday, August 26
It appears the house across the street has been sold…Well, actually I know it’s been sold – the Freemans!!! – but the first signs of occupancy are starting to be seen, as some workmen are painting the outside and there appears to be a handyman or two farting around outside…Still no sign of the Freemans, tho.

Regular readers of this crap will recall the house across Main Street has been on the market for a couple of years…More, actually, because we looked at in the summer of 2014, when we were looking and ended up buying The Shire…The house across the street has a nice yard, but the house needed a lot of work and The Wife and I never seriously considered it.

I don’t actually know the Freemans, they’re friends of someone I see at the gym occasionally, but on the off chance we might be neighbors for a couple-three decades I’ll go over and say hi when they start moving in…The Wife, of course, will be their best friend in ten minutes.

I got home from work about 2:30 or so…No one was home, but I had been advised Her Majesty was cooking dinner tonight, with a boy she met as a special guest…Unknown was what time dinner was planned for…I had no idea, and I was hungry.

Since Her Majesty wasn’t in the kitchen banging some pots and pans, I felt comfortable in presuming it wasn’t going to be in the next couple of hours.

But I didn’t want a sandwich or anything too heavy…Well, there was some peanut butter that looked intriguing, but it was the all-natural crap you have to stir first…I have never seen the point to stirring peanut butter.

Anyway, I was farting around doing some writing and before I knew it it was 3:30…I was still hungry…So I went to the kitchen…The Wife and Her Majesty had gone shopping in the next county recently, so the kitchen was pretty stocked…I decided on some hummus and some whole grain crackers that are generally pretty tasty, tho you could probably side a house with them.

As it was, I made a good call…Her Majesty and Ben arrived about 4:30 and The Wife followed shortly thereafter and dinner was about 6:30 or so.

The only problem was they forget to get breakfast cereal…I am, of course, always looking for an excuse to flee to the local market, so off I went…I got some deodorant, too…Last time I inadvertently got the gel version of my fave brand…I actually turned out to be pleased with it, but I went with the traditional stick I usually get.

Work was very low-key…I went in at 5am…There is not a lot to do at 5am, even for a hard-charging Supervisor like me, and what there was to do could be done by Mark when he came in at 7am…So I watched a couple of episodes of the old Bob Newhart Show…The one where he’s a shrink, not an innkeeper…I’ve always liked it and hadn’t seen it for years and some thoughtful citizen was sufficiently concerned about the future of our country to upload the whole series…So I started at the first episode of the first season and this morning I got three episodes in, enough to take almost to the end of the first season…There are no commercials, so even after three episodes I still had some time to kill, but a fourth would’ve been too much, so I actually did some work.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either made up or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence.

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