The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Tuesday, July 12
Another busy day.

The Navy being the Navy, Her Majesty was not able to get out of the Navy without a mess…What was supposed to be a 20-minute evolution turned out to be a three hour ordeal…At first they told her they didn’t have her separation paperwork and whomever was authorized to sign it was off at a class somewhere and wouldn’t be available till afternoon, if at all.

She called me more or less panicked…I told her to go and make a fuss…I don’t normally approve of making a fuss, but sometimes you got to, and i encouraged not in the Queen’s English, but in everyday Navy swearing…It worked, tho she wasn’t done till almost 10:30.

This almost screwed up her hair appointment and my lunch with an old friend…Her Majesty’s hair is, of course, the most important thing in the world and she was not only getting a little bit cut off she was getting the lower third colored purple, of all things.

All this was going on as I met Dan and his wife Carmel for lunch…Dan and I go way back and it had been 19-years since we’d last seen each other…Since then they’d put their two sons into college and I’d moved around and done this and that and it was very nice catching up.

Since Her Majesty had the car and she was nowhere done with her appointment, Dan and Carmel drove me to the salon…All told, it took three-and-a-half hours to do Her Majesty’s hair…Three-and-a-half hours!!!…When it was done, Her Majesty got me to fork over for $50 worth of shampoo and conditioner, which I thought was a lot of money, but I have no hair, so what do I know.

There was a funny incident when we drove back on base…Officially, Her Majesty is still in the Navy…She is on terminal leave, which means she is on vacation until her official end of active service next month…In this circumstance, you get your discharge papers so you don’t have to come back at the end of your leave to collect them.

Her Majesty now has purple hair, which is a violation of Navy grooming standards…At first the sentry at the gate checked her ID then waved her in, then you could hear him say “hey wait a minute”…He got to the window and said, what’s with the hair…At first, Her Majesty made matters worse by saying she was no longer in the Navy which, of course, meant she wasn’t entitled to be on base, but she came back strong and said she was on terminal leave and we weren’t shot on sight.

Dinner was with some of her shipmates…It was a very nice…Her thoughts are thoughtful and funny and it was a good time.

Before we headed out to dinner I had Her Majesty stop by the base uniform shop, where I picked up a set of the enlisted submarine insignia, commonly known as dolphins…I had earned these when I was in, but the original pair I had been awarded were accidently tossed overboard by my roomie Rich Ingram…I had forgotten them in the room and I had topside watch and was out of uniform without them…Rich volunteered to go get them and we came back he raised his hand to show them to me and they fell out and over the side…I went and got some really shiny ones, but they weren’t the same as the ones they were issued.

I was on an old diesel submarine, and we have our own dolphins, but they’re unauthorized…I am qualified to wear the enlisted submarine insignia and I wanted my own pair…I also got a miniature pair in case I want to put them on my Legion cap.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements – every single one – are either products of Gaylon’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Everything else is a coincidence.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Monday, July 12
Her Majesty and I had a good day together.

We had the whole day together, actually…When you’re getting out of the Navy they don’t really work you to hard, so all she had to do was go muster and then flee…She went to the barracks and packed and reported to the hotel about 9:30 or so.

We were off immediately after that…She had to do this and had to do that, including manicure and pedicure and she said don’t worry, everything’s 15 minutes away in this town and more or less she was right….Lunch was at a Mexican joint that we all liked when we lived in Sin City but was actually founded here in San Diego…Neither of us had been to Roberto’s in years.

We celebrated four years of honorable Naval service at a very nice restaurant right on the harbor…I can pick a restaurant…Don’t doubt that…When I made the reservation they asked if we were celebrating anything and I said yes and what we were celebrating and perhaps this was why we had a table with a stunning view both of the carrier she is being discharged off of and of the San Diego skyline.

I forked over for a bottle of champagne, too…It wasn’t Dom, but it wasn’t yak p*ss either, and we had a really good cheese plate to start, and we each had a steak and the onion rings were immediately placed in the Onion Ring Hall of Fame…The restaurant gave us a complimentary dessert but, interestingly, it wasn’t all that good, certainly not up to the standard of the rest of the meal.

There was a laff with Stefan, our waiter…Her Majesty had ordered a bearnaise sauce with her steak that turned out not to be to her taste…Stefan noticed this and added their steaks were really good and usually didn’t require a sauce…The line fro ol’ Sparrow:

That didn’t stop you from selling it to us…

Stefan laffed, which he should have because it’s a good line, then noted the sauces were with the compliments of the restaurant.

Her Majesty gets out of the Navy tomorrow…She’s a bundle of nerves, but I’m here and that’s helping somewhat.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements – every single one – are either products of Gaylon’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Everything else is a coincidence.

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Sunday, July 10
It should be too much of a bulletin that our wake-up call came a bit before 4am…Recall yesterday the oaf that checked us in wondered why we wanted such an early wake up and I should have confirmed he wrote down 4:30am instead of the 3:57am we were actually called at.

A minor detail…The Wife was out the door a bit after five and I took the 5:10 shuttle to the airport despite the fact I had originally been scheduled for the 6:10 shuttle and my flight to San Diego wasn’t until 8:30am.

There was a laff at the complimentary breakfast in the lobby…The Wife being The Wife she had made me a waffle and provided coffee and generally fussed after me…She had just finished making her own waffle when a guy waddled up to look, giving the impression he required instruction in how to use is it…The Wife offered to make him one but he declined…The line from ol’ Sparrow:

Might as well take her up on it…I don’t even know her and she made me one.

Despite the fact I had checked-in online yesterday I had a boarding priority just higher than that of a hijacker and I was not looking forward to being obliged to taking whatever seat happened to be available when the last of the last group sashayed aboard…So I went to the counter and asked if it was possible to fork over for priority boarding.

Of course it was…$40…Damn…$40 was right at the line of demarcation where I had to think about it…$50 and I probably would’ve said no…$30 and I would have snapped it right up.

I rubbed by chin with a hand and discussed the matter with Chuck, an airline employee who appeared to be killing some time at the counter.

I dunno, Chuck…Whadda you think???
What’s your current boarding number.

I double checked my current boarding pass.

C38

Chuck whistles.

The toilet paper boards before C38…You’ll end up sitting in the baggage hold…I’d take it.

Sold…I now had boarding priority A3…A3!!!…It was worth it…When they announced my flight I graciously allowed the masses to gather where the masses huddle for airline boarding before marching to the front…There was a gentleman at the front of the A boarding section….Realizing there were two with priorities higher than mine, I had due regard…He could be one or two, tho if he was four I was prepared to shove him out of the way and toss him some spare change I happened to have in my pocket.

Her Majesty was waiting for me at baggage claim…Her last day in the Navy is Tuesday and she will be staying with us for a year while she goes to nursing school and we are driving her car back…We have always gotten along splendidly and we were happy to see each other…We had brunch downtown, bought me some sunglasses because I’m in southern California and need to look cool then went to Balboa Park and took in a concert at their outdoor organ pavilion.

Hell, I hadn’t seen this in over 25 years…I was stationed here when I was in the Navy and would come from time to time.

Her Majesty got me a room at the Navy Lodge on base…Recall we here last summer for the Family Day cruise on her aircraft carrier and we stayed at another lodge on base…That was a rat hole, converted  officer quarters I suspected and not very high ranking officers at that.

This Navy Lodge is right on the beach…A large room that would command three times as much if it were a civilian hotel…It’s so nice I kidded Her Majesty about why in theeee hell we didn’t stay here last year.

Her Majesty is staying in the barracks, and I slept with the screen door open and enjoyed the listening to the ocean and slept very well.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements – every single one – are either products of Gaylon’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Everything else is a coincidence.

 

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Greetings from a not-too-expensive hotel near the big city airport, staging area prior to tomorrow’s mission.

It’s been a long day…Recall I work at 5am on Saturday’s now, so I was ready for bed on the drive in…The Wife came out with me, and will drive my car back – every husband’s ultimate horror – in the morning…It was either that or take the shuttle out…I was willing to do that but The Wife and I both wanted the extra time together.

There was a really bad accident on the way out…So bad they were obliged to close the Interstate…We were all diverted, more or less in good spirits, to a state highway and the whole evolution, while time consuming and costing us about 45 minutes by my reckoning, was actually fairly well organized…The Wife looked over as we passed the crash site and even from the road she could tell some sort of bus was involved.

The hotel was not Hotel of the Year…I got a deal thru work – it’s owned by the same company – and when I reserved it I thought it likely I was going by myself and I generally prefer not to blow a whole lot of cash on lodging for myself and this is a pretty budget property…The room was about as big as my desk at home and it was not the Upset of the Year they had trouble finding my reservation even tho I was able to produce a confirmation number…I work for this company…These things happen.

Then the desk clerk asked me if we required a wakeup call….Sure, I said, 4:30 would be great.

Why so early???       

What kind of question is that???…I was tired and cranky and came close to telling him because that’s the effing we want to get up, and essentially I did so, but in a pleasant tone.

I’m glad I didn’t get snitty…He was by himself and not only was he attending to the Sparrows, but some wingnut threw a couple of bucks on the desk for a soda and fled and one guest needed this and another needed that…I empathized, of course…It’s not easy work sometimes.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements – every single one – are either products of Gaylon’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Everything else is a coincidence.

 

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Friday, July 8
Pineapples!!!

Pineapples was, of course, the code work Anyssa had for when it was time to give birth because, as noted, she’s been pregnant literally since I started the new gig last fall…I would like to say Anyssa gave birth at work, with me heroically boiling water while nature took its course, or that I drove her to the hospital in a race against the clock, but neither are true…She wasn’t even at work when it went down…Or came out…Or whatever…I did happen to answer the phone when she called, announcing she was slacking off of her shift at work so they could go ahead and induce the bugger to come out, and I broke the news to the crew, but that was about it…She was about a week past due.

I am off on a top-secret mission Saturday to extract Her Majesty, The Wife’s daughter, from the US Navy…The Wife will accompany me to the big city for the first leg of it, and I am officially off Sunday morning…While I am gone, my beloved sister-in-law will arrive at The Shire for an extended stay.

Also while I am gone The Wife will be driving my car…All is lost.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence. 

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, July 8
Anyssa is still pregnant!!!!

Christ, it seems she was due in April…Tho not on the schedule, she showed up today to do some things for Araceli…When I left today she was still pregnant…She said if it doesn’t drop here soon they are going to go and get it.

Early on Anyssa and I are at the front desk and Richie, from Maintenance, waddles by…Richie has a gut you can pitch batting practice off of and I asked him when he was due, which was almost funny because pregnant Anyssa is standing right there…Richie advised me to do something that I don’t think is physically possible.

More break room hilarity today…I wander into the break room for something or other and Scott, a housekeeping manager, and Jose, a houseman, are in there…I get off one of my All-Time Fave lines:

Hey Jose, tell Scott to his face what you just said about him.

Now, this is not a Line of the Year candidate…Tho uproariously funny, it is not original, tho I no longer remember who I stole it from…You also got to be careful who you say it around…One, both parties have to be funny, or at least moderately funny…Two, they have to like, or at least tolerate, each other…Three, they both have to like the person uttering the line.

All three conditions were met here…Scott is ex-Army, so he’s used to high-flying guy humor like this and Jose is pretty funny, too…Both laughed.

Simply because we could we went to the diner for dinner tonight…The Thursday special is burritos, which I’ve never had…I had a burger and The Wife instructed me to order for her…This hasn’t happened in years…Being a rascal, I ordered something I figured she would like and that I always wanted to try.

Recall last time we were there she had a chicken wrap, which was really good…I was intrigued by the wrap selection, tho not intrigued enough to order one on my own, so I ordered The Wife a beef fajita wrap because I knew I’d get a few bites…I wasn’t gutsy enough to order it for myself, of course, but if The Wife was game, why not???…It was really good, too.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements, every single one, come either straight from Gaylon’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence. 

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, July 6
Got the lawn mowed!!!!…Don’t doubt that for a nano second, bay-bee.

We had clear skies all day and when I got back from the gym late in the morning the lawn was calling me…Really, I had laser focus the whole way…We were delayed a bit because we needed gas, obliging ol’ Sparrow to drive 45 seconds to the closed gas stations (there are two in town) to fill our two gallon can…When I got back I filled the tank on the mower and we were off.

Our cabin is right in the middle of our fifth of an acre and I vary how I cut it every week…It’s completely out of hand, I know, but cutting it the same way every week would get awfully boring.

Today I started with the back, the section farthest from Main Street…That is an east/west cut, with a tree near the driveway and the fire pit right smack in the middle to keep everyone on their toes…There is also a large tree – don’t ask me what kind, trees are either palm or evergreens to me – right on the alley that you have to avoid, too…Once that was done I did the stretch that runs along the back of the house – a north/south stretch – then I did the section that runs along Main Street before my triumphant finish in the small remaining area in front of the front door, which we never use.

Next time I might do it in reverse…I simply don’t know.

And our eclectic mix of grasses, weeds and whole grains now has some fungus…There has always been some mushrooms by the tree near the front door, but this week there was a strip of mushrooms out back, where the alley meets the street…I don’t recall seeing them before and they are right about in the same place where the last of the snow held out before finally melting last week.

It appears we aren’t the only ones bucking for Yard of the Year honors…My influence appears to be profound and within a few minutes of me firing the mower up the hapless oaf across the street was working on the weeds he is passing off as a lawn and a half-hour after I finished Jerry, who works out at the plant and lives in the dump across the alley, had his mower out.

I hate Jerry…Sure, he seems nice enough, but he strikes me as the sort that has bodies stuffed under his porch and If he thinks he’s a Yard of the Year candidate he’s got another thing coming, goddammit…Those old, rusted wheels he’s got in his yard will end up doing him more harm than good.

I was done with the lawn in the early afternoon, but my plan to lay in bed and read in the afternoon kept getting foiled…First, the sprinkler had to be moved from time to time…Then The Wife thought I would be perfect for sautéing the onions and mushrooms for the London broil she had on the grill…I was even responsible for seasoning and after putting in salt, pepper and some Drano, I completely lost my mind and added some ginger, which really tasted good.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of Gaylon’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Sometimes both. Anything else is a coincidence. 

 

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life..

Tuesday, July 5
Damn, I may never get the lawn mowed…Woke up this morning to a drenched yard and the clock on the stove was blinking, so there was a power outage as well…Even if it had stayed dry the rest of the day, which it didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to get the lawn done.

As it was, it rained intermittently throughout the day, pretty hard at times, too, and there was even some hail…The Wife fretted over damage to her flower baskets, and the petunias, but after a thorough inspection she reported everything survived, noting that flowers can be pretty tuff at times.

As a result of this rain we have a nice, green lawn that is ten feet high and really needs to be mowed…Between whining about needing rain and whining about too much rain, The Wife is wondering if there is ever a situation where I am not whining.

Look, I’ve got land to work…Sure, I need rain, but also need some non-rain so I can cut the grass.

In other news, I went out to check the grass seed I planted last week and I couldn’t find it!!!…I am not making that up!!!…It certainly hasn’t sprouted yet – or if it has I can’t see it –  but the green seed I threw out there is gone…All is lost, the Yard of the Year dreams lost in the Flood of 2016.

Otherwise, had a relaxing day with The Wife…Between adjusting my schedule for the Legion convention and her volunteering to garden at the hot springs (which actually pays for our membership), we hadn’t had a day off together for a while…We went to the gym and then soaked in the water and later she made her famous Chicken Fried Chicken.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of Gaylon’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence. Really. 

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Monday, July 4
Work was moderately busy today…We only had a couple of dozen each of arrivals and departures, which is pretty light, but Ariel didn’t show up until after 2pm, only four hours late, so Misael and I were left to answer the phone and Araceli had collateral duties for both us so even tho it wasn’t historically busy, we were both hopping pretty good.

Ariel had called about 9:30 or so, crying – no wailing – like only young females can…I didn’t entirely understand everything she said, but I gathered she was going to the emergency room because some calamity had befallen one of her friends…I would later find out I must be going deaf because Ariel had actually said she herself was going to the emergency room, tho I wasn’t told why.

When she got to work she said she was taking some face wax out of the microwave and it spilled on her hand…I am not making that up, nor could I, frankly…I don’t know what face wax is used for…I don’t use it and if The Wife uses it she must apply it in the shed because I’ve never seen it on her or around the house.

I other news, Anyssa has yet to drop her kid, or hadn’t as if mid-afternoon.

I got even more mileage out of dull story about how some Founding Fathers thought July 2 would end up as our national holiday instead of the 4th…In the break room when we were all clocking in I bored Dan-o and Jerry and the inevitable Jesus with it, Jesus being particularly unimpressed with it, noting:

God, you’re boring…

Dan-0 pointed out that what with Jesus being named after God’s only Son, he probably knew what he was talking about.

Later in the day I bored Stephanie with it when she drifted into front desk territory…None of them thought it was all that interesting.

Our plan to have us celebrate Independence Day with The Wife making her famous Chicken Fried Chicken was foiled when the chicken was found to be still in the freezer.

I deserve the blame for this…We had purchased the chicken thighs a few days ago – I don’t remember exactly when, frankly – and I had put them in the freezer and yesterday, when The Wife started making some of her infamous noises about making chicken fried chicken, I didn’t even think about taking them out of the freezer…The Wife didn’t either, but she obviously didn’t know they were in the freezer, so she can be forgiven.

So I hustled off to the local market, hoping they’d still be open at 4:30pm on a holiday…You never know in a small town…Fortunately, they were…I was looking for some bratwurst, but they didn’t have any that looked edible, so I went with the All-American classic, a pack of hot dogs, buns, mac and cheese and some ice cream for an after-dinner yummy.

Rain possible while we sleep…The lawn could use a mowing, but better to be unable to mow wet, green lawn than having to mow a dry, brown lawn as I always say.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of Gaylon’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Be chill; any other use is a coincidence. 

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The Diary of a Nobody – Drivel From Sparrow!

Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Sunday, July 3
More quality time with Jesus in the breakroom after work…Today he asked me if I had any plans for the Fourth.

Well, we might BBQ, or The Wife might make her famous chicken fried chicken – we bought some chicken thighs last week – but I informed him we probably wouldn’t be watching any fireworks.

You guys are old.

Jesus said this dismissively, and it was pretty funny, his tone implying that Jesus, who is probably not even 30 yet and was born in Mexico besides, would be partying like a rock star on American Independence Day, in that noted party town in the next county.

I reminded Jesus I’ve never actually denied being old…He said that was good, because I’m not.

The Wife and I would go watch fireworks when we lived in Sin City, but we’re farther north now and it gets dark awfully late in the northern latitudes and the big fireworks show in town doesn’t start till after 9pm because it’s not completely dark at 9pm here…There does not appear to be a fireworks show in our small town, unless you count the occasional gunfire that usually attends our national holiday.

Growing up we usually spent the 4th at my cousin’s house…Gil and I are more or less the same age and we did all the crap kids did back then…My fave firework were the snakes…They came – and maybe they still do – in small boxes containing little black pellets…You’d light them and the burning pellet would turn into a snake…Over the rest of the summer Gil and I would have big fun seeing how long the residue would remain on the sidewalk…If we lit an entire box at one time, it might last the entire summer.

Driving into work this work this morning The Wife and I had a dull conversation about how some Founding Fathers thought July 2 might end up being the national holiday…Recall that on July 4 the Declaration of Independence was adopted, but on the July 2 the Continental Congress adopted the Lee Resolutions, which actually declared the colonies were independent states…John Adams was among the Founding Fathers who thought July 2 would be the day people remembered.

No rain today…Sigh…On the other hand, I might be able to get the lawn mowed here in the next day or two.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of Gaylon’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Anything else is a coincidence. 

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