Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Sunday, May 30
Used my new can of shaving cream this morning…I didn’t really need new shaving cream when I wandered into the retailer yesterday, but the sleek green and black can caught my eye, as did the sale price of under two bucks for a leading national brand shaving cream that usually costs a lot more.

Look, I don’t like to spend more than a buck for a can of shaving cream…That is getting a bit tougher nowadays – even at the retailer – so I’ve had to up that to a buck and change, so usually I end up getting another leading national brand that comes out in a white foam.

Key is the leading national brand I bought was a gel shaving cream!!!…I am not making that up…I really don’t know why a can of leading national brand gel shaving cream on sale caused me to achieve and maintain a state of arousal…I mean, it’s shaving cream…My usual dollar can does a great job…No complaints, even with my tuff, manly beard…Gel shaving cream is a nice novelty, but that thrill wears off in about five seconds and it doesn’t do a noticeably better job than my usual crap.

But I jumped on it anyway…I didn’t even really need shaving cream…The current can is still about half full, but it was ditched today in favor of the sleeker green and black can that was on sale.

Your work the lodging racket long enough, like I have, you pretty much think you’ve reached a point where you’ve heard every request…Today, tho, brought one I hadn’t heard before.

This guest comes up and says – and I am not making this up, either2 – that he needs to wash Webster…I ask him to repeat that because I could’ve sworn he’d said he needed to wash Webster.

He repeated that he needed to wash Webster.

OK, I ask, how can help with that???…I am, after all, a front desk supervisor at the resort he is staying at, and it’s my job to make myself useful in these matters, even if I have some zero clue who or what Webster is.

After a few seconds it becomes plain to him that I, in fact, don’t know who or what Webster is, so he informs me it’s his Harley, and he needs a pail and some rags to clean it…He also informs me his riding nickname is Spiderman.

Well, we don’t keep a pail and rags handy at the front desk…Toilet paper and soap and other amenities, sure, yours for the asking…Some digging found we really didn’t have a pail that didn’t once hold some sort of chemical, so I ended up giving him a trash can and some rags we have laying around the break room…Later, he returned them and said they worked great.

Memorial Day ceremony tomorrow, my second as Commander…There was a nice write-up in the paper about it, too…I should be able to about-face without completely hurting myself or others, and I got my uniform ready before I went to bed, so I don’t forget anything.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel…All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence. 

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Saturday, May 28
Even though the weather still isn’t ideal, the garden is starting to take shape. The hanging baskets are ready to go…Right now they are hanging in the carport, as protection against the wind, which has been blowing like it’s McMurdo Station lately…Temperatures at night are starting to get above 40, too, meaning The Wife won’t have to cover the petunias with our bedspread anymore.

A couple of nights ago she did it with my old Navy blanket…I put a stop to this immediately and for good…I stole that blanket from the barracks at United States Naval Submarine Base, San Diego many years ago when I was discharged…As a souvenir…It doesn’t actually get much use as a blanket…It’s one of those gray, wool blankets the government’s been issuing since the Revolution…The black US logo has faded, but otherwise the blanket is in good repair and I want to keep it that way, so I instructed The Wife not to use it to cover petunias anymore.

Anyway, the hanging baskets are really pretty…The Wife put a lot of work into them and it shows…A couple-three will go out front, and a couple in the back and with ol’ Sparrow keeping the lawn looking sharp we might get more of the nice comments we got last year.

Usually on Saturday’s we go to the local diner for dinner, but not tonight…We’ve both eating really well lately, and we’re discovering that when you eat really well for a while and then not eat really well for a meal your body doesn’t take it too well…For example, when I have, oh, I don’t know, say a Stromboli for dinner after a week of eating well, my body throws a fit and keeps me up all night with the trots and I am really thirsty, too…So I drink water which, of course, I am off to the bathroom all night and I end up not sleeping very well…So we ate in tonight.

I’ve been practicing about facing, too…Recall I will have to execute this staple of short order, military drill at our Memorial Day ceremony the day after tomorrow and it turns out an I am not any better at it now than I was when I was in service to our beloved country.

To properly about face, you stand at attention, which means the heels of your feet are together…Then you put one foot directly behind the other and pivot…To my credit I’m able to do this without breaking an ankle, no small feat for yours truly.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence. 

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Friday, May 27
Had to do one of the toughest things I’d ever had to do as a supervisor today: talk to someone about body odor…This has never gone well…The couple-three times I’ve had to deal with this in the past I’ve caused offense – but you can’t really ignore it here, especially at the front desk, where we have constant guest contact.

It’s actually starting to become an issue with a couple of people, the other one of which works for somebody else.

I talked it over with Alice, beforehand, to see if she had any special tricks she uses…She said no, she’s had to do it many times over her working life and there is no easy to broach this subject except to, of course, broach it…Ensure the subject knows this isn’t meant as a personal affront tho, of course, it is personal….I mean, you have BO, that’s pretty personal.

Anyway, it went better than I had any right to expect…We went outside and I said, look, you’re doing a good job, but you began emanating BO late in the shift…This was a lie…It had been noticeable for a while…I added I didn’t know if it was his clothes or his person, but he had to take care of it….This was true, I couldn’t tell nor, frankly, was I too interested in doing the sniff tests required to find out.

He then pointed out I had visible nose hair…This made me laff, and he thanked me and that was that.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of Gaylon’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any other usage is a coincidence. 

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Thursday, May 26
Had rehearsal for our Memorial Day ceremony today…We do this well and everyone takes great pride in it and we had a really good turnout, especially since the weather is still cold and it was windy and threatening rain.

It will feature the usual color guard, firing squad, flag detail and changing of the guard ceremony…Every year we add something to that, perhaps honoring veterans from a war that might be having an anniversary or whatnot, and this year we are having a memorial service for the 13 local veterans that died in the last year…Six of those were members of the post and we will present flags to their family members…We do not make them line up and pass them out like sodas at a picnic…It will be, of course, a military ceremony.

I came up with something good for this, even if I do say so myself…Tony, who commands the VFW post and I will be standing at the front facing the crowd…When it comes time to present the flags, we will about face (turn around) and walk out a few steps so we are facing the table with the flags…When we are in this position the families will be directly behind us…A Civil Air Patrol cadet will bring Tony a flag, he will deliver it to the family, then return…I will get a flag and take it to another family and there are six flags to present.

What was not entirely clear was the exact procedure we would use for this ceremony…So Tony and I are standing there with our thumbs up our ass wondering what we should do when I came up with what I think History will record as a brilliant idea:

• Tony and I are standing facing Matthew, the Civil Air Patrol cadet.
• Matthew, in a very formal, very military manner, retrieves a flag from the table and marches towards Tony.
• Tony issues a hand salute, Matthew offers the flag, Tony takes it from him and Matthew salutes.
• All three of us about face at the same time!!!…Tony and I are now facing the families, and Matthew is facing the table with the flags.
• Tony marches toward the first family and presents the flag…I stay where I am, while Matthew marches back to the table.
• After the flag is presented, Tony and I about face at more or less the same time…When he starts marching back towards me, Matthew marches towards me with my flag.
• Matthew presents the flag to me, and all three of us about face together…I march forward for my presentation, Tony stays put and Matthew marches back to the table.

Good luck not weeping during this…We did this a couple of times it looks really sharp…If I can about face without tripping, it will be a very dignified part of the ceremony.

We also cleared up what we would say when presenting the flags:

On behalf of a grateful nation, the American Legion and the Veterans of Foreign Wars, our nations colors.

Stanko had actually written up something similar, but it involved remembering names and branches of service and Tony and I decided to keep it simple…Usually in presentations like this the president’s name is invoked, but Stanko said it will be a staunch Republican crowd and we might do well not to mention him.

It will be a memorable ceremony. If you come, bring a hanky.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any other use is a coincidence. 

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Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…

Wednesday, May 25
Got another Sparrow For Congress video up today…This marks the third one and today’s was about the futility of sending a major party candidate back to Washington…My theory, which is kinda tuff to dispute, is that if they were going to change anything they would have done so already…They haven’t, so they’re not…I also said our country needs our help and I’ll lead the charge, so let’s go.

Nailed it on the first take, too…This is pretty rare because I am usually good for screwing something up the first few times…Even with not having to do it 17 times, it still takes some time, tho…First, I read the script aloud…Then, if I like that, I’ll go to the online teleprompter I use and cut and paste it in…Then I’ll do a dry run with the teleprompter and there is always a change or two to make once you see it on screen.

Once I like reading it on the teleprompter, I’ll set up the camera…I use the one on the iPhone because it’s better than the one on my new desktop…I’ve stuck a piece of Velcro on the back of the iPhone and another on the top of my desktop and then you attach it…From there, it’s easy to get the video camera going, especially with the remote start/stop button I have…Key is not to look at the screen, but at the lens…I put the camera in the center so I can look directly at the lens and see the teleprompter, too, so I’m not seen glancing to the side to read the script.

When you consider this is all done in my home office and not Television City in Hollywood, they come out really good.

I also got some work done on my All-American novel, The Small Town. We’ve gone from Neil and Dutch having coffee in the diner to Jimmy and Steve, two neighborhood, kids, stopping by Neil’s house to see if they can mow his lawn.

Got some time in the garden with The Wife, too, even getting on my knees and transplanting some petunias into the ground…I really don’t like doing any actual gardening when I am helping in the garden – I prefer to do some low-key watering and hand things to The Wife – but sometimes you take your chances…We also got some good work done on her hanging plant baskets, to include ol’ Sparrow putting a hook in a tree for one of them…We still need to find a place for the bird feeder, too.

The Diary of a Nobody is a novel. All elements are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any other use is coincidental. 

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