The Sunday Bottom Ten #14 – April 29, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
This week’s inspiration:
1. Trump’s Circus
Mitigating Factors: It is now plain now president’s secret wish is to be dictator…A fortnight after calling Russian President Vladimir Putin to congratulate him on sham election victory, he referred to Chinese dictator Xi Jinping as his “good friend” and called North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un “very honorable”.
FunFact: This merely underscores fact Trump has never had a substantive, long-term vision for our country….His only real talent – and he is supremely good at this – is drawing attention to himself…He should have been dismissed before GOP primaries, but a substantive, working media that vetted political candidates long abandoned America.
2. Those Zany Koreans
Mitigating Factors: Leaders from North Korea, South Korea gather on their country’s border for what even Sunday B-10 pollsters realize is a fairly historic meeting…The pair chatted about a nuclear-free Korean peninsula, ending the Korean War, gossiped about Chinese…A “new era of peace” could result in a new era of tweets for President Trump. FunFact: Sunday B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” it’s tough to tell if summit will result in anything of substance or not, though both leaders seemed genuine and comfortable with each other.
3. Commission On College Basketball
Mitigating Factors: Commission issues final report, though it ignores fact only real solution is getting rid of NCAA, which does brilliant job of simultaneously acting as pimp, whore and john, usually not particularly easy to do, even for IOC, Congress…Like you may be, Sunday B-10 pollsters still puzzled as to how Condoleezza Rice – a former member of the College Football Playoff selection committee – earned such a prominent role in college sports.
FunFact: One conference commissioner said it would have been nice if everyone could have “seen this coming” and done something…Dude, college basketball has been a cesspool since the point-shaving scandals in the 1950’s.
4. Rear Admiral Ronny Jackson
Mitigating Factors: Navy admiral withdraws from consideration to become VA Secretary – a post his position as the president’s doctor didn’t really prepare him for – amid the usual gossip-based allegations that now attend public service…His nomination underscores a problem for the Trump Administration: a lot of positions are either unfilled or difficult to fill because few want to work for this president.
Ladies And Gentlemen Of The Jury: Why was this honorable man put in this situation in the first place???…Well, we know why…President Trump governs off the top of his head and his doctor came into the oval office for his temperature and the president asked if he wanted to head the Veterans Administration.
5. Vegas Golden Knights
Mitigating Factors: First-year NHL team setting trends left and right, becoming first expansion team to win division, sweep first playoff series and became first team expansion or otherwise to win first five (5) playoff games…As we write this, Knights second-round playoff series tied 1-1 following double-overtime loss to evil San Jose…Golden Knights currently hotter ticket than Big Elvis, Wayne Newton retrospective.
FunFact: Golden Knights still only team in NHL history which has never lost a playoff game in regulation.
6. American Top 40
Mitigating Factors: Fulfilling long-held dream, ancient episodes of iconic radio countdown show can be heard 24/7 thanks to magic of Internet…Still a treat to listen to and still fun to note The Highest Debuting Song of the Week, The Biggest Mover in the Survey, position of fave songs…Sunday B-10 pollsters still wonder if staffers received beatings after Casey graciously acknowledges the occasional mistake that makes its on air.
Listen To This: Casey’s Countdown of the Decade – The Top 50 hits of the 1970’s – remains one of radio’s very best efforts.
7. Waffle House Shooting
Mitigating Factors: Guy naked except for green jacket didn’t really draw much notice at Waffle House until he started shooting people, killing four before patron attacked and disarmed him after throwing handful of Bert’s Chili in his face…Shooter had past history of erratic conduct and delusions, leaving Sunday B-10 pollsters looking at each other out of corners of their eyes.
FunFact: Tough week for iconic American eatery as later in week video showing black woman being locked out of Waffle House as white folk ate inside.
8. St Peter’s Baseball (0-32)
Mitigating Factors: Six (6) days between games ensures Peacocks have more than enough rust for triumphant 0-4 week…Peacocks easily retain Sunday Continental Cup – issued to college baseball team with longest all-division losing streak in NATO – with 71-game skid…Peacocks actually averaging 158 fans per game, leading Student Union to request addition of on-campus solid waste dump to increase after class entertainment options.
FunFact: Peacocks outscored 51-7 this week, their worst stretch since getting outscored 87-7 March 31, second game, through March 7, 60-2 March 25-30, 53-7 March 3-6.
9. US Drone Strikes
Mitigating Factors: Wow, slowest week of 2018 Spring Drone Season, with only one drone strike in past week, resulting in five (5) deaths…2018 totals now up to 72 strikes good for 298 deaths…Special Olympics withholding Participation Ribbon for Pentagon until it is known if all or only some of the deaths were military targets.
God, We Hate Your Whining: These drone strikes are against sovereign nations Congress has not declared war against despite Constitution giving this power exclusively to Congress…Congress has not declared war since it decided to smack around Bulgaria, Hungary, Romania in 1942.
10. American Electorate
Mitigating Factors: 191 days to go until American electorate decides whether it will keep or dismiss status quo…Until then, America will continue to be at war, as it has been every day since 1989, and spend a lot more money than it has…Sunday B-10 pollsters remain “pretty sure” America will be tossed aside scrap heap of History before half-century is out if voters do not do something soon.
FunFact: Go, contribute to Gaylon For Congress here.
Thought for the Week: …you are deluded by men who are either deceived themselves or wish to deceive you. – Andrew Jackson
The Sunday Bottom Ten is based on the football Bottom Ten columns Gaylon writes during football season. It runs on Sundays.