The Sunday Bottom Ten #19 – June 3, 2014

The Sunday Bottom Ten #19 – June 3, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

This week’s train wreck:  

1. LeBron James
Mitigating Factors:  Sunday B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” we are watching the very best at his very best in these NBA playoffs….Maybe LeBron can will his Cavs to NBA title following 0-2 deficit, maybe not…It doesn’t really matter…We are watching the one of the great players basketball has produced establish himself – along with Tom Brady – as as good a team sport athlete as we have ever seen.
FunFact: James could use teammates with some brains, however…Short of giving ball to opponent, J.R. Smith could not have done anything worse than dribble ball out following offensive rebound late in 4th quarter of Game 1…A put-back and maybe the series is tied 1-1 now.

2. Trump Immigration
Mitigating Factors: Good gravy, has any president cared less about what this country is about than Mr Trump???…Why are we taking kids away from parents seeking asylum here???…Sure, Administration toady dutifully noted how Americans who commit crimes are separated from their kids, but these families committed no crime, they merely had nerve to comply with established US policy.
FunFact: This is not what this country is about…America was built on the backs of immigrants and we continue to need them to do work Americans no longer want nor need to do.

3. US/North Korean Summit
Mitigating Factors: Of course, it’s just Trump being Trump and governing off the top of his head, but Sunday B-10 pollsters approve of summit renewal, just like they approved of its cancellation…Be careful though…It is folly, for two heads of state to meet without the outcome and assorted agreements having already been decided upon.
FunFact: It will probably just be a couple of days of chaos, putting each leader utterly in their element.

4. Roseanne
Mitigating Factors: Didn’t we learn anything when she grabbed her crotch singing the anthem???…Sunday B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” there should be some sort of test before celebrities can open Twitter account…Our great national conversation, never particularly sparkling, keeps hitting new lows.
FunFact: You would think people would know when to keep their mouth shut…Our collective human text continues to show they do not.

6. Mr Trump’s Trade Policies
Mitigating Factors: Good gravy, has any president cared less about what this country is about than Mr Trump???…All trade restrictions accomplish is limiting choices and driving up prices for you and me – we the people…The ensuing trade squabbles and ill will produce no dividends for our country.
FunFact: Tariffs protect no one except companies and industries who otherwise couldn’t complete in a free market…Us America consumers deserve better.

7. Gaylon For Congress
Mitigating Factors: Campaign official(s) “pretty sure” upcoming contribution drive, hiring of social media coordinator can catapult Gaylon past 2016’s PB of 5 percent of the vote.
Vote Early…Vote Often: Click here to get on board the Gaylon For Congress bandwagon, dammit….Pro Tip: federal law limits individual contributions to $2,700.

8. Sunday Continental Cup
Mitigating Factors: Confusion reigns with Sunday Continental Cup – issued to college basketball/baseball team with longest all-division losing streak in NATO – as college regular seasons are over so there is no one to issue Cup to.
FunFact: Sunday B-10 pollsters so desperate for material they actually looked into rumor t-ball squad near Waunakee, Wisconsin – sponsored by Murray’s Cleaners – has lost seven (7) or eight (8) straight.

9. US Drone Strikes
Mitigating Factors: Slow week as nation’s warmongers spare hapless Afghanistan, Pakistan, Somalia and Yemen from drone strikes…Don’t worry though, it wasn’t because they were waiting for Congress to declare war on these countries.
FunFact: In past 14 years, over 4,800 US drone strikes have resulted in over 7,500 deaths, including over 750 civilians and over 250 children.

American Electorate
Mitigating Factors: As noted in above entry, we Americans deserve better than what we have now, but we will not have better until we start demanding it at the ballot box.
FunFact: 155 days until 2018 midterms, when America will announce to itself and the world if it is throwing the bastards out or signing up for two more years of the status quo.

Thought for the Week:  No man ever knows when he is happy. He can only know when he was happy. – Gore Vidal, Creation

The Sunday Bottom Ten is based on the football Bottom Ten columns Gaylon writes during football season. It runs on Sundays.

 

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