I pretended to be mad at Houchins all night for scamming Eddie 1 (the employee parking lot). It started in briefing when I called him a “fucking cocksucker” and continued when I went out to relieve him for 482 (lunch).
“Houchins,” I said as I exited the truck which Special Ed had given me a ride in. “I made a list of five things you can suck.”
I had pulled my notebook out and appeared to be consulting it even though I was looking at a blank page.
“One, is me. Second is a donkey’s shlong. Three is a large missile. Four is so disgusting I dare not repeat it. Five is seven-seven because you were sniffing him all week to get this assignment and you’re already in the general area.”
Houchins pretended to ignore me as he got in the truck so Special Ed could give him a ride in; it’s a long walk from the Eddie-1 shack to the casino.
“I left my crossword puzzle on the desk. Go ahead and finish it for me if you want.”
Turns out he was working on a crossword puzzle. There’s a book of them kept at the shack, which also has an air conditioner, a water cooler, a coffee pot and a nice chair. I took the puzzle he was working on and filled it in with as many dirty words as I could think of.
Which is a lot. I spent four years on a submarine, have a Master’s degree in Swearing with a special emphasis on the Holy Trinity and a minor in Human Genetalia, so it was a simple matter to fill in the boxes with the most filthy, vile words the English language can offer.
When Houchins radioed dispatch he was starting 482 I got on the horn.
– Bon appetite, Edward 1.
– Just keep my chair warm, boy.
Then a little before 0600 I was on 10-10 at Eddie 2 when I gave him a phone call. I asked him if he was comfortable for the last hour and he said he was, that his feet were up and he was preparing to listen to the morning news on the radio. I told him I was preparing to bend forward and grab my ankles because I had validators the last hour, which is a particularly dull floor duty involving watching a bunch of people in blue jumpsuits change out the cans in slot machines that accept currency, and he said he had to go because the fresh pot of coffee he was making was done and he wanted to enjoy a cup while he listened to the morning news.
I hate Houchins. Not enough to take the swing shift opening he wants, but you know.