The Daily Dose/Sunday, January 3, 2021
The Daily Dose/January 3, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5
So this is going on.
1. GOP – Please, give up challenging the election results…You lost…You are whining petulant children being led by the ultimate whining, petulant child…Why you’ve tolerated a leader who is a lying sexual predator who believes the moon is part of Mars and who believes the Revolution was won by the Continental Army securing British airports will remain a mystery for the ages.
2. US Government – Thanks guys, but another $600 ain’t squat to an awful lot of people suffering because of your utterly bungled coronavirus response…Maybe some of the money you’re not sending out could be used to purchase industrial strength hand cleaner to wash the blood off your hands.
3. College Football – Just rename your playoff the Nick Saban Invitational…It would liven it up because it is really boring right now…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters, however, “pretty sure” any season that sees the Pinstripe Bowl canceled is “like, basically good and stuff.”
4. Snarf Burger – The early clubhouse leader for Burger of the Year, though Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters – still growing boys – remain “pretty sure” they wouldn’t present violent objection to a two-pound version…Fries OK, but onion rings created by Providence on seventh day.
5. President Trump Fact Check – With fact-checkers union scrambling to find work for soon to be out-of-work members, Sunday Bottom pollsters accepting nominations for new 5-hole staple…Click here for a review of fake news some wizards were believing this week…Provided by the Associated Press.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
It’s Read Free Sunday. Today’s entry is on the house.
The Diary of a Nobody – A tactical error obliges Sparrow to make a new urinal sign. Today’s Diary.
…yours truly was obliged to make a new sign for one of the urinals in the lobby men’s room…There are two urinals and one as a sign announcing it’s closed to comply with distancing regulations – one of the crapper stalls is closed, too, which I don’t understand at all – but I still use it because it’s my favorite…Well, I happened to, you know, get some product on it and not even ol’ Sparrow could let that go, so I went and made another one, tho there wasn’t any Scotch tape to be found, obliging me to use the packing tape.
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On This Date
The long march to today.
In 1521 – Pope Leo X issues a directive – formally known as a papal bull – excommunicating Martin Luther from the Catholic Church. This followed a papal bull from a year earlier threatening excommunication if Luther didn’t recant beliefs the church found dangerous. Leo was a bit slow to act, as Luther had posted his 95 theses on a church door in Wittenberg, Germany four years earlier. Over the years Lutherans, for some reason, have tried to get the excommunication lifted, but the Catholics have declined to do so.
In 1983 – Tony Dorsett of the Dallas Cowboys establishes a new NFL record for the longest run from scrimmage in a 31-27 loss to the Minnesota Vikings. Dorsett scored on a 99-yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter to break the record of 97 yards that had been done twice previously and his mark was tied in 2018 by Derrick Henry and, of course, can never be broken.
In 1970 – Diana Ross and the Supremes are at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Best Selling Soul Singles chart – for the fourth and final consecutive week with Someday We’ll Be Together. It was the seventh of eight #1 soul songs for the group and the last one featuring Diana Ross. Earlier, the song had spent one week at #1 on the Hot 100 – its final #1 song of the 1960s – and had also peaked at #13 in Great Britain. Later in 1970, a version by Bill Anderson and Jan Howard peaked at #4 on Billboard’s country chart.
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Like most compromises, it solves nothing, while prolonging – perhaps dangerously – the time of indecision.
Gore Vidal
Julian
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
The farthest Earth was from the sun this century came on July 4, 2019 when it was 94,513,216 miles away.
Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.
Where does Tony Dorsett rank on the NFL’s career rushing list? – Answer next time!
Follow Gaylon on Facebook here.
The Diary of a Nobody/January 2
Yay! It’s Read Free Sunday. By all means, enjoy today’s entry with our compliments.
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Saturday, January 2
Christ, nobody did anything while I was off…Everything needed attention: the sundry stand looked like it had been invaded by refugees, the stack of copy paper in the back office had one ream, both printer trays were nearly empty, the shredder was so jammed with paper it seemed likely shredding so much as a business card seemed likely to break it and there were only a couple dozen key packets.
The Daily Dose/Saturday, January 2, 2021
The Daily Dose/January 2, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.
CAPSULE BOOK REVIEW; Plan of Attack by Bob Woodward: Plan of Attack – a pick-up in a thrift store – chronicles the planning of the George W Bush Administration of what turned out to be the 2003 Iraq War. With typical thoroughness, Woodward chronicles the Bush Administration’s quest to topple Saddam and the war itself is, if not an afterthought, is left for the Epilogue and is not discussed at any particular length.
Fly In The Ointment: One thing notably absent in this otherwise good book is any mention of the fact that it is Congress’ job to declare war and not the president’s.
Dry, Technical Matter: Article I, Section 8 of the US Constitution is very clear on the matter stating, in part that:
Congress shall have the power to…declare War…
Bush, of course, ignored this, acting as if the Constitution stated the president can do whatever the hell he wants and Woodward does not mention this either in the narrative or in his two interviews with Bush for the book.
More Dry, Technical Matter: Bush, of course, did do whatever he wanted. He incorrectly determined that Saddam Hussein possessed WMDs and that Saddam had to go so Bush – cheered on every step of the way by Vice President Dick Cheney – directed the military to plan and then execute Saddam’s removal. Congress was never consulted, only told when to get on board.
Oh Yeah: Woodward did note some hapless senator mentioning to Bush some blather about how it would have been nice if Congress had been consulted more which, of course, Bush could not have cared less about.
Broad, Historical Context: Congress, of course, has only itself to blame for this. It last declared war in World War II and since then has – shamefully, if you ask us – abrogated this responsibility to everyone from presidents to the UN. As a result, America has been at war almost constantly since Pearl Harbor, which is our loss because the only dividend we’ve reaped from this is more war.
Editor’s Note: Here is the official Daily Dose rankings: A – The very best; B – Very good; C- Good; D- Average; F – A steaming pile.
Final Ranking: C: Woodward, of course, is on any shortlist of preeminent American reporters, but the fire that helped bring down President Nixon is gone. No one interviewed is asked about the constitutionality of Bush’s actions probably because Woodward himself chose to ignore it. While the chronicle of the war’s planning is done with typical Woodward thoroughness, brilliance, his omission of this detracts from the overall relevance of the book
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow reminisces about when kites cost a dime, though he could never get his to fly very high.
My buddy Jeff Crook had no such problems and his kites always flew so high it was surprising they didn’t come down with weather readings.
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It’s easy reading on any device.
Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
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———
On This Date
The long march to today.
Today – Earth is at its annual closest point of approach (CPA) to the sun, at 91.399 million miles away. This is known to people smarter than us as perihelion a time that, due to eccentricity in Earth’s orbit, changes. As recently as 1246 the date of perihelion and the winter solstice was the same, but these times continue to drift apart and by 6430 perihelion will occur on the spring equinox. Aphelion, the date the Earth is farthest from the sun, will occur on July 5 this year, at a distance of 94.5 million miles.
In 1985 – The UNLV Rebels and the Utah State Aggies establish a new NCAA record for most points in a game in a 142-140 triple-overtime UNLV win. Utah State had UNLV scrambling, as the Rebels needed a 3-point shot to tie it at the end of regulation and needed an 8-0 run at the end to win it. Research into whose record the teams broke was inconclusive, and the mark is now held by Loyola Marymount (CA) and Alliant International University, – then known as the United States International University – who combined for 331 points on Jan 31, 1989, a 181-150 Loyola win.
In 1961 – Jerry Butler is at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot R&B Sides chart – for the sixth of seven non-consecutive weeks with He Will Break Your Heart. The song also peaked at #7 on the Hot 100 and in 1975 a version by Tony Orlando and Dawn titled He Don’t Love You (Like I Love You) went to #1 on the Hot 100. It was the first of three soul chart #1s for Butler and his first of three Top 10 pop hits. Butler wrote the song with Curtis Mayfield and Calvin Carter.
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…the burned hand teaches best. After that advice about fire goes to the heart.
J.R.R. Tolkien
The Lord of the Rings
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
The NHL record for most assists in a game by a goalie is three, by Jeff Reese of the Calgary Flames on Feb 10, 1993. The Flames defeated the San Jose Sharks 13-1. This is also the record for most points in an NHL game by a goalie.
Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.
Today is the closest Earth will be to the sun this century. When was/will be the date Earth was/is farthest from the sun this century? – Answer next time!
Follow Gaylon on Facebook here.
The Daily Dose/Friday, January 1, 2021
The Daily Dose/January 1, 2021
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
A listing of some things.
Leading Off is officially back, but it has holiday’s off in its new contract, so it will return tomorrow.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody – Again, a dog does something gross around Sparrow.
Recall earlier this week I saw a dog puke and then gobble it right up like it was Alpo…I will never own a dog.
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Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device.
Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
———
On This Date
The long march to today.
In 1772 – The first traveler’s cheques are issued by the London Credit Exchange Company. Initially good in assorted European cities and used in lieu of letters of credit from banks, by the 1850s they had become a major way people used money on vacations. American Express got into the business in 1891 after an executive could not get a check cashed while in Europe and while once fairly common, they have seen decreased use since the 1990s thanks to the increased prominence of credit and debit cards and the greater availability of ATMs.
In 1973 – Bobby Orr of the Boston Bruins ties the NHL record for most assists in a game by a defenseman in an 8-2 win over the Vancouver Canucks. The record had been established by Babe Pratt of Toronto in January 1944 and was equaled by Pat Stapleton of Chicago in March 1969. The record still stands and has since been tied by Ron Stackhouse (Pittsburgh Penguins), Paul Coffey (Edmonton Oilers) and Gary Suter (Calgary Flames).
In 1966 – Simon and Garfunkel are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two non-consecutive weeks with The Sound of Silence. It was their second chart single, their first of 16 Top 40 Hits and their first of three #1 songs. The song also went to #1 in Japan and South Africa and was Billboard’s 54th biggest song of the year. In 2016 the song peaked at #6 on Billboard’s Hot Rock and Alternative Songs chart and a version by Disturned peaked at #42 on the Hot 100.
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
He was willing to sacrifice comfort and profit, indeed almost any tangible benefit, for the sake of the work itself.
Miles Unger
Michelangelo: A Life in Six Masterpieces
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
The Monkees had four #1 albums on the Billboard 200: The Monkees, More of the Monkees, Headquarters and Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn and Jones, LTD.
Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.
Who holds the NHL record for most assists in a game by a goalie? – Answer next time!
The Daily Dose/Thursday, December 31, 2020
The Daily Dose/December 31, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Note from around our human experience.
Editor’s Note: We – generally – take great pleasure in providing fresh content every day, but today’s Leading Off segment is more or less a rehash of the past couple of New Year’s Eve columns.
2020 2021: On It!: As you read this the planet has been ringing in the new year for several hours already. 2021 started at 3 am Mountain Standard Time (MST) almost due south of Hawaii with festivities in Samoa, Tonga, Christmas Island and Kiribati, despite the fact these places should be east of the International Date Line and amongst the last to leave 2020.
Dry, Technical Matter: 15 minutes later the Chatham Islands celebrated and at 6 am MST New Year celebrations began in much of Australia.
Do You Wonder Why You Don’t Get Invited To More (Any) Parties: The International Date Line is an imaginary line of demarcation more or less at 180 degrees longitude, directly opposite the Prime Meridian (0 degrees longitude). It veers east and west though, to accommodate assorted international borders.
Dry, Technical Matter II: Kiribati changed its position vis-a-vis the International Date Line in the 1990s after it acquired territory that caused it to straddle the International Date Line. So, in accordance with international convention, it moved the dateline east so it was completely west of it, placing it in the first group of jurisdictions to make a new year.
Now You Know: The International Date Line is so jury-rigged Samoa is in the first group to ring in 2020 while American Samoa, west of the International Date Line and a mere 100 or miles to the east of Samoa, will enter 2020 exactly 24 hours later, the last inhabited place to ring in a new year.
Oh, Jesus H: Both Baker Island and Howland Island, uninhabited US possessions near the equator, are the last places to enter a new year, doing so Wednesday morning at 5 am Mountain Standard Time.
Please Pass The Dry, Technical Matter: Due to the bastardizing of the International Date Line, it now takes 26 hours for a planet theoretically divided into 24 time zones to have everyone ring in the new year.
Please Pass The Dry, Technical Matter II: It’s already 2021 at the South Pole, too. They have 24 time zones to choose from because all of them converge at Amundson-Scott Station, but because virtually all access to the South Pole is from New Zealand, they keep New Zealand time.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow declines to go out to dinner. Today’s Diary.
I spent most of the day at the VSO tending the illusion that I would be going to that fancy French place here in town for happy hour because they have a fancy-pants burger and fries that deserves investigation…Regular readers of this crap know, however, that nothing ever comes of these PM Wednesday Dinner Dreams (PMWDD)…After eight hours at the hotel and eight more at the VSO I really just want to go home, so I stopped at the small town market and got a couple of those chicken fritters and took those home, heated them up and – in what is hardly the Upset of the Year – made a couple of sandwiches.
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It’s easy reading on any device.
Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
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———
On This Date
The long march to today.
In 2000 – Despite some celebrating it a year earlier, the 20th century comes to an end. During these 100 years, us humans produced staggering advances in, among other things, mass media, communications, transportation and medicine, in addition to two world wars and the first humans to walk on the moon. The world’s population increased from 1.6 billion in 1901 to roughly 6.1 billion in 2000. Samoa, formerly Western Samoa, was the last inhabited place to see the 20th century, though now they are amongst the first to ring in a new year.
In 1954 – The Fort Wayne Pistons and the Minneapolis Lakers establish a new NBA record for most combined free throw attempts in a regulation game in a 103-91 Minneapolis win. The teams combined for 127 free throw attempts and made 90 of them, a percentage of 71% and each team committed 37 fouls. The all-time NBA record is 160 attempts, by Syracuse Nationals and the Anderson Packers in a five-overtime game on November 24, 1949.
In 1966 – The Monkees are at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of seven consecutive weeks with I’m a Believer. It was the second chart single for the group, their second of three #1 songs and their second of six Top 10 hits. Because it overlapped two chart years, it was Billboard’s fifth-biggest song of 1967 as well as its sixth biggest of the decade and the song ranked 62nd on Billboard’s 60th Anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. The song was written by Neil Diamond and a version by Smashmouth peaked at #25 on the Hot 100 in 2001.
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
His assets reliably compounding, his philosophy rendering him deaf to the appeals of humanity, he plowed through any contradiction.
Henry Wiencek
Master of the Mountain
Regards Thomas Jefferson
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Magic Johnson is the NBA’s all-time leader in assists per game, averaging 11.2 over his career.
Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.
How many #1 albums did the Monkees have on the Billboard 200? – Answer next time!
The Daily Dose/Wednesday, December 30, 2020
The Daily Dose/December 30, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
A listing of some things.
Leading Off will return after the first of the year.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow has trouble getting the snowblower started. Today’s Diary.
Crap, this blows, I thought…Here I have six to eight inches of snow in the driveway – more on the berm – and the snow blower’s copping an attitude…Then I redid the starting procedure and realized I hadn’t opened the fuel line…So I opened that and then pulled the cord (the electric start feature, tho useful, is seldom used) and after some initial whining, it started on the fourth or fifth pull, not too bad for having sat for nine months.
The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 18 – It’s all over but the final losing, as the race for the most coveted trophy in sports – the Dan Henning trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – is going down to the wire.
1. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-14; lost to Chicago 41-17) – Jaguars eliminate Bears from B-10 consideration with NFL-best 14th straight loss…Owner Genghis Khan so thrilled at prospect for first B-10 title, he called for special high holy day of fasting before this week’s finale…Next Loss: at Indianapolis
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Click here for complimentary chapters of all of Gaylon’s books.
It’s easy reading on any device.
Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
———
On This Date
The long march to today.
In 1922 – The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) is formed. In theory a federation of republics, it was actually a Communist dictatorship spanning eleven time zones from Eastern Europe to the Pacific Ocean. The USSR grew out of the 1917 October Revolution and the victory of the Bolsheviks in Russia, which then unified with other republics. The USSR was dissolved in December 1991.
In 1990 – Scott Skiles of the Orlando Magic establishes a new NBA record for most assists in a game in a 155-116 win over the Denver Nuggets. Skiles had 30 assists to break the record of 29 established by Kevin Porter of the New Jersey Nets on February 24, 1978. Skiles had 22 points of his own and the Magic shot 57% from the field. The record still stands
In 1978 – Billy Joel is at #1 on the Billboard 200 album chart for the seventh of eight non-consecutive weeks with 52nd Street. It was the first of four #1 albums for Joel and produced three Top 40 hits: My Life, Big Shot and Honesty. The album won Grammy Awards for Album of the Year for producer Phil Ramone and Best Pop Vocal Performance – Male, for Joel and due to overlapping two chart years was Billboard’s biggest album of 1979.
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
The quality of any man’s life is a full measure of that person’s personal commitment to excellence and to victory, regardless of what field he may be in.
Vince Lombardi
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
The NBA record for most times fouling out in a season is 26, by Don Meineke, of the Fort Wayne Pistons in the 1952-52 season,
Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.
Who is the NBA’s all-time leader in assists per game? – Answer next time!