The Regular Guys/Chapter 14
The Office of Morty Klineman
Morty Klineman, professional talent agent, sat at his desk and once again scowled at his telephone. This time his telephone was annoying him by producing no shortage of opportunities to headline a showroom on the Las Vegas Strip.
A few months ago he couldn’t get a decent Strip offer for his clients; now, with his clients under contract once again at The Golden Nugget Hotel and Casino in downtown Las Vegas, he had offers coming in left and right.
The Daily Dose/Friday, December 11, 2020
The Daily Dose/December 11, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.
HUT, HUT, HIKE: At first we were looking forward to ridiculing the Big Ten’s decision to allow Ohio State to play in their conference championship football game despite not having met the conference’s self-imposed requirement of having played at least six games. The Buckeyes have played five and that’s all they are going to get because this week’s game with Michigan was canceled.
The decision means Ohio State will meet Northwestern for the Big Ten title on Dec 19. Had the six-game minimum not been waived, Indiana would be playing Northwestern.
Dry, Technical Matter: The decision had both competitive and financial ramifications, and was not a surprise in either context. If the conference adhered to the six-game requirement, it meant the Buckeyes could be left out of the Nick Saban Invitational, also known as the College Football Playoff (CFP). This could cost them $6 million.
In this context the decision is hardly a surprise because that’s what major division college football and basketball teams and conferences do: they whore themselves out, pimping their athletes in order to strafe the marketplace for as much money as possible.
The Bottom Line: However, Ohio State beat Indiana on the field and, as long as we’re being honest, it wouldn’t be entirely fair to the Buckeyes to watch Indiana play for the conference title simply because a virus wiped out three of their games and we don’t think the Hoosiers really have any complaint. We’ve seen worse from college football over the years.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody – Sparrow cleans the cabin.
I was determined to clean house and yours truly is pleased to report the cabin got a solid Level II Cleaning, an upgrade from a Level I Cleaning, which is more or less merely doing the dishes and picking up any dead bodies that might have accumulated since the last Level I Cleaning.
The Regular Guys/Chapter 13 – Larry has another romance failure.
“I got the friends lecture,” Larry said, sitting down in a chair across from the couch where Lenny and Ann were sitting.
Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
On This Date
The long march to today.
In 1282 – Llywelyn ap Gruffudd, the last native Prince of Wales, dies in the Battle of Orewin Bridge against the English in central Wales. The loss effectively ended Welsh autonomy, which became complete the following year when all resistance was crushed by King Edward I. Since the 14th-century the title Prince of Wales has been invested in the heir apparent to the English/British throne and the current Prince of Wales, Charles, has held the title since 1958.
In 1984 – The Boston Celtics and the New Jersey Nets establish a new NBA record for the highest field goal percentage by both teams in a 130-121 win in a game played in Hartford. The teams combined to make `108 shots on 171 attempts, a percentage of 63.2% to break the record of 62.8% established by the New York Knicks and Denver Nuggets in 1981. The record still stands.
In 1982 – Toni Basil is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the only week with Mickey. The song also went to #1 in Canada and Australia, peaked at #2 in Great Britain and due to when it charted it was Billboard’s 36th biggest hit of 1983. It was the first of three Hot 100 hits for Basil and she remains one of the few artists whose only Top 40 hit went to #1. The song was written by Mike Chapman and Nicky Chinn and was originally titled Kitty and released by the English band Racey.
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
I must stop this brooding or I shall become as mad as those emperors who feared the long night of death more than they loved the brief living day.
Gore Vidal
Julian
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Art Monk had 940 career receptions in the NFL, good for 20th on the all-time list.
Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.
Which teams hold the NBA record for lowest combined shooting percentage in a game? – Answer next time!
The Regular Guys/Chapter 13
The Office of Morty J. Klineman, Professional Talent Agent
Overall, Morty Klineman, professional talent agent, was feeling great. He had lost weight recently and his feline-ish toupee was freshly laundered, returned from the dry cleaners just that morning. His clients, The Regular Guys, had just wrapped up a triumphant tour at The Golden Nugget, their first stint as Las Vegas headliners. Their shows consistently sold out in advance, and they were funnier than ever.
The Daily Dose/Thursday, December 10, 2020
The Daily Dose/December 10, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the hum
Leading Off will return.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest paper clip news from the hotel.
In other news from the Paper Clip Desk, someone – probably that darn Nicole again – has taken to putting two sizes of paper clips in there, the ones that have been in there for years and smaller ones…I completely disapprove of this and had half a mind this morning to take the small ones out, but that would be showing more interest in paper clip allocation (PCA) than yours truly really wants to display, especially during the holidays.
The Regular Guys/Chapter 12: Rachel has a marriage proposal and it isn’t from Larry.
…Larry had gotten the impression that he and Rachel were about to have A Talk. Not The Talk, that wouldn’t be appropriate for the rotating bar at the Hotel Monteleone on the occasion of Rachel Rachmaninov’s 54th birthday, but it was going to be an Official Talk nonetheless, one that could be referred to at need later in the relationship.
Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
On This Date
The long march to today.
In 1768 – The Encyclopedia Britannica – formally known as the Encyclopedia Britannica, or, A Dictionary of Arts and Sciences, compiled upon a New Plan – is sold for the first time. The first edition consisted of three volumes, the last of which is completed in 1781 and over the years a total of 15 editions were published. The first entry was A (the name of several rivers in different parts of the world) and the last entry was Zygophyllum (a type of plant). Print editions ended in 2012 and the work is now available online for a fee.
In 1994 – Art Monk of the New York Jets establishes a new NFL record for most consecutive games with a pass reception in an 18-7 loss to the Detroit Lions. Monk had three receptions, giving him catches in 178 consecutive games, breaking the record established by Steve Largent. The record is now held by Jerry Rice, who caught passes in 274 consecutive games from 1985-2004.
In 1977 – Dolly Parton is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the second of five consecutive weeks with Here You Come Again. It was Parton’s sixth of 22 #1 country hits and her twelfth of 39 Top 10 country hits. The song also peaked at #3 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and was Billboard’s second-biggest country song and the 60th biggest pop hit of 1978. The song was written by Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil.
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Shepard was heading for the goal he’d kept in sight for nearly a decade – not the moon, but the chance to show what he was made of.
Andrew Chaikin
A Man on the Moon
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Billboard’s biggest hit of 1950 was Goodnight Irene by Gordon Jenkins and the Weavers, which spent a then-record 13 weeks at #1 on the Best Sellers in Stores chart.
Today’s Stumper
Match wits with Gaylon. It’s not that hard.
How many career receptions did Art Monk have and where does he rank on the NFL’s all-time reception list? – Answer next time!
The Diary of a Nobody/December 9
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Wednesday, December 9
The new girl Nicole appears to be leaving her mark as ol’ Sparrow’s noticed a couple of things this week that weren’t noticed before.
The Daily Dose/Wednesday, December 9, 2020
The Daily Dose/December 9, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.
Leading Off will return.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: The mystery of who put the paper clip at the end of the roll of packing tape has been solved.
Tammy also said – following query by me – that she was the one responsible for the genius move of putting the paper clip at the end of the packing tape at the front desk…I am not making that up…I showed it to her and asked if she had any idea and she admitted to it and I asked what brought this on because, you know, it hadn’t been thought of in the two years I’ve been here…She said she had no idea what had brought it on – it had actually happened a while ago – but she was tired of fiddling around trying to find the end of the packing tape, which she uses fairly regularly to send lost and found stuff back to guests.
The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 15: Though The Dan Henning Trophy is the Jets to lose – literally – should they stumble and win there are no shortage of contenders.
2. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-11; lost to Minnesota 27-24) – Longest losing skid – eleven (11)-games – amongst teams that have actually won a game small consolation for owner Genghis Khan, who’s put bounty on coach/player responsible for Week 1 win…Next Loss: Tennessee
The Regular Guys/Chapter 11: Lenny and Larry play some blackjack after their first show headling the Golden Nugget.
During the next hand, Lenny looked at the hand of the man sitting next to him.
”Whatta you got?” Lenny asked, even though he could see his hand.
The man looked at Lenny suspiciously. Lenny gave him an It’s-Okay-I’m-A-Comedian smile.
“Pair of queens,” the man said, his darting from back and forth from the dealer to Lenny.
“I’ve got an ace and a seven,” Lenny said, showing the man his hand. “You give me your queen and we’ve got blackjack.”
Columns, books, shopping lists, click here to get in on the laughs.
4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
On This Date
The long march to today.
In 2008 – Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is arrested by federal authorities on assorted charges, including selling the United States Senate seat being vacated by then-President-elect Barack Obama. Blagojevich would be impeached by the Illinois House and tried, convicted and removed from office by the Illinois Senate the following month and he would be convicted of one of 24 charges in August 2010. The jury was hung on the other charges and Blagojevich was convicted on 17 counts in June 2011. His 14-year sentence was commuted in February by President Trump, releasing Blagojevich from prison.
In 1926 – Golf clubs with steel shafts are approved for tournament play by the United States Golf Association. The steel shaft had been patented in 1910, though the first steel-shafted clubs weren’t produced until 1921 and initially the UGA banned their use in tournament play. The Royal & Ancient Golf Club approved them in 1929 when the Prince of Wales, later Edward VIII, used them in a private round. Previously, shafts had been made of wood.
In 1950 – Phil Harris is at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart – a predecessor to the Hot 100 – for the second of four consecutive weeks with The Thing. It was the eighth of ten chart singles for Harris on a Billboard pop chart and remains his only #1 song. Harris was a pioneer in radio and a successful film actor, too, and versions by Arthur Godfrey and the Ames Brothers also charted that year. A novelty song, its origins are unknown but is believed to have originated in English folk music.
Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…any kind of respect or appreciation for themselves had been squeezed out of them so thoroughly that they seemed to feel their lives were as they should be.
Alex Haley
Roots: The Saga of an American Family
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Metallica has had six #1 albums on the Billboard 200 album chart.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What was Billboard’s biggest hit of 1950? – Answer next time!