The first few chapters of The Regular Guys are free. Enjoy.
Lenny’s Apartment A Big City In The Midwest
A week or so passed, and one day Larry found himself sitting in Lenny’s living room. Lenny, having decided he was now in possession of a career that wasn’t going anywhere, had relented somewhat on the idea of working with a partner. He wasn’t ready to run out and get Lenny and Larry t-shirts made up, but he was able to discuss the matter without creating force fields.
“What are we going to do for material?” Lenny asked, logically.
“Material’s overrated,” Larry said. “We can wing it.”
“Wing it?” Lenny said as if Larry had recommended Lenny stick a pencil in his ear. “Wing it?”
“Sure, it’s boring reciting the same lines every night; any idiot can do that; we do it every night. If we wing it we can be fresh every night.”
The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 13 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
The Bottom Ten pollsters are facing a potential dilemma in the race for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.
Should the Jets, somehow, win a game – though they are showing no signs of doing so – and Jacksonville loses out – a possibility that cannot be dismissed out of hand – Bottom Ten pollsters will face the tough call of choosing between two (2) one (1)-win teams. This is sure to renew calls for a Bottom Ten playoff, especially if neither team gets their bribery check into the office in time.
This week’s fiasco as the nags head into the far turn:
In the mail recently was a card advising the registration on the new ride is will be due at the end of the year, and there’s a grace period here in this state, so it’s not get-pulled-over- because-it’s-late due until the end of January…There was a time when a grace period would have interested ol’ Sparrow, but not anymore…Regular readers of this crap know “get a bill, pay a bill” is my motto now and in a move unprecedented in my the history of my life I actually logged on to pay it right thenand I was told I was too early, that online payments can’t be made until 30 days before the due date, the first time yours truly has been too early pay a bill.
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 13: Can anyone stop Akron in the race for the ESPNCup? Well, Vanderbilt probably could, but those two teams don’t meet in 2020. The Bottom Ten is with our compliments this season.
2. Vanderbilt (0-7; lost to Florida 38-17) Mitigating Factors: Commodores still control B-10 medal stand destiny, retaining coveted B-10 medal stand berth in eighth straight loss…Commodores still reeling from turn-of-century merger of Athletic, Student Affairs departments, as girls enrolled in Rich Kids Having Rich Kids program take over training table as pregame meal of Similac instead of steak and eggs results in players wanting in-game naps. As Long As Your History Books Are Out: 0-7 for fourth time ever, Commodores approaching uncharted waters as team has never been 0-8 before. Next Loss: Tennessee
The Regular Guys/Chapter 2: Ann meets Lenny and Larry after a performance and suggests they work together. The first few chapters are free of charge.
“You know,” Ann said. “You two should really perform together. You’d make a nice team.”
Lenny and Larry looked at Officer Ann Shelton as if she had suggested Lenny and Larry enjoy sexual congress with a yak. To really show his surprise, Lenny raised one eyebrow up, which annoyed Larry because he couldn’t do it.
The idea, evidently, had not occurred to them.
Columns, books, shopping lists, clickhere to get in on the laughs. 4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 1971 – A man who identified himself as D.B. Cooper hijacks a plane flying between Portland and Seattle, asks for and receives a ransom and later parachutes out of the plane. Cooper handed a stewardess and note saying he had a bomb and among his demands were $200,000 and four parachutes. The plane landed in Seattle at 5:30 pm., Cooper’s demands were met and the plane took off at 7:40 pm, minus the original passengers. At about 8:13 pm – above a location that has was never definitely determined – Copper opened an aft door and jumped out. Though some of the money was recovered, Copper, nor any sign of him, has never been found.
In 1960 – Wilt Chamberlain of the Philadelphia 76ers establishes a new NBA record for most rebounds in a game in a 132-129 loss to the Boston Celtics. Chamberlain had 55 rebounds, breaking the record of 51 established by Bill Russell of the Celtics the previous February and Chamberlain’s record still stands. Chamberlain finished the year with 2,149 rebounds, an average of 27.2 rebounds per game, two more NBA records that still stand.
In 1979 – The Commodores are at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot Soul Singles chart – for the only week with Still. It was the group’s sixth of seven #1 soul songs and their eleventh of 16 Top 10 soul hits. Earlier, the song had spent one week at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and also peaked at #4 in Great Britain. In 1981 a version by John Schneider peaked at #69 on the Hot 100.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Everyman achieved his own greatness by reaching out beyond himself, and so it is with nations…Only when a nation means something to itself can it mean something to others. Werner Von Braun
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The first Top 40 hit for Starship – then the Jefferson Airplane – was Somebody To Love which went to #5 in 1967.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
How many players other than Wilt Chamberlain or Bill Russell have had more than 40 rebounds in an NBA game. ? – Answer next time!
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The Bottom Ten is free to you, our valued reader, this season.
The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 13 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
It’s next loser up at The Bottom Ten this week as with Texas State, UNLV and the hilarious Bottom Ten Alumni Association entry all exiting the survey this week there are plenty of openings at the Bottom Ten Inn..
It’s a historic week at The Bottom Ten, too, as, for the first time ever, the race for the ESPNCup sees half the entries taken up by one conference as the MAC itself and four of its teams are ranked in this week’s survey.
This week’s mess:
Editor’s Note: With most of the lower level schools not playing this year, the Continental Cup – issued to the team with the longest all-division losing streak in NATO – is not being awarded this year.
The first few chapters of The Regular Guys are on the house.
Ramada Inn Lounge A Medium Sized Town In the Midwest
At the Ramada Inn lounge, depressingly named Impressions or Reflections or some such nonsense, Lenny and Larry took the stage, separately, as scheduled. Neither could remember the name of whatever it was they were appearing at, but that was all right. They had been paid their agreed-upon fee at the appointed time, their rooms were ready, if not completely resplendent, when they arrived, the crowd was pretty good and they were pleased.
After the evening’s labors were completed Ann joined them at the bar. Both Lenny and Larry’s sets were done and the show was over. Nearby members of The Precision Broomstick Brigade were signing autographs.
The Daily Dose/November 23, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around our human experience.
Leading Off is on hiatus.
Today At The Site Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow fields a phone call at the hotel he’s never fielded before.
It was a bit after midnight and yours truly is farting around in the back office and the phone rings and this guy’s on the other end and – sounding as natural as if he’d called for a rate quote – asked if we had dental floss, either for sale or as a complimentary amenity…He’d been running around town for a half-hour or so looking for some and I still have some zero clue if he was a guest or merely some loser looking for a midnight dental floss fix.
Damn, I didn’t know whether to applaud this commitment to clean teeth or scorn him for scurrying around town so late looking for some because, as he found out, everything’s closed in town, except for the convenience store across town and it’s not reasonable to think they carry dental floss…As it was, we don’t have it, either at the sundry stand or as an amenity, and he thanked me and hung up.
The Regular Guys: It’s Chapter 1 in Gaylon’s hilarious novel about Lenny and Larry, two comedians going nowhere on their own who team up to become the biggest act in show business. The first few chapters are free before we start charging you, the same trick the drug dealers use.
Lenny looked in his rearview mirror, saw the police car’s blue, yellow and red lights flashing and, despite Biblical prohibition against doing so, uttered the first and last names of the human form of the Christian triumvirate in a manner inconsistent with praise.
“What the hell’s going on here? I wasn’t going a hair over 90!”
Columns, books, shopping lists, clickhere to get in on the laughs. 4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 1733 – A slave insurrection begins in St John in the Dutch West Indies – now the US Virgin Islands – when 150 African slaves revolt against the owners of the island’s plantations. The uprising began with a revolt at a plantation and the takeover of a fort at Coral Bay. The insurrection would not be put down until the following August, with help from French and Swiss soldiers from Martinique, over 300 miles away.
In 1982 – The Minnesota North Stars and the New York Islanders tie the NHL record most combined goals in a tie game in an 8-8 tie. Steve Payne and Neil Broten each have hat tricks for the North Stars, while Bryan Trottier has two goals, one of seven Islanders to score in the game. Each team scored three goals in the first period, two goals in the second period and three in the third period, the final goal coming with 4 minutes and 28 seconds left in the game. It was the third of nine 8-8 ties in NHL history.
In 1985 – Starship – once Jefferson Starship and before that Jefferson Airplane – is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the second and final consecutive week with We Built This City. The song also went to #1 in Canada, Australia and South Africa and peaked at #12 in Great Britain. It was the twelfth of 17 Top 40 hits for the group, their fifth of eight Top 10 hits and the first of three #1 songs. Despite its commercial success, the song – written in part by Bernie Taupin and Peter Wolfe, formerly the lead singer of the J. Geils Band – routinely pops up on lists of the worst songs of the era.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
When the archer misses the center of the target, he turns round and seeks for the cause of his failure in himself. Will Durant The Story of Civilization, Vol. I: Our Oriental Heritage
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Four presidents of the United States have been assassinated: Abraham Lincoln, James Garfield. William McKinley and John F Kennedy.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What was Starship’s first Top 40 hit? – Answer next time!
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The first nine chapters of The Regular Guys are free.
U.S. Highway 86 Outside A Medium Sized Town Somewhere In The Midwest
Lenny looked in his rearview mirror, saw the police car’s blue, yellow and red lights flashing and, despite Biblical prohibition against doing so, uttered the first and last names of the human form of the Christian triumvirate in a manner inconsistent with praise.
“What the hell’s going on here? I wasn’t going a hair over 90!”
The Daily Dose/November 22, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5 The very best of the very worst of the week that was.
1. COVID-19 – Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” we can all continue to breathe on each other and wait for a vaccine or we can grab the bull by the horns, wear our masks, treat everyone but our cat as if they are wracked with COVID and make a dent in its spread.
2. College Football – Hey guys, any CFP winner is going to have a huge asterisk next to their names, so why not cancel it and kick it old school and play meaningless bowl games the last week of the year which, of course, except for CFP games is exactly what you’re doing now.
3. Lauren Daigle – Final regular entry for artist whose song You Say is in its 111th non-consecutive week at #1 on Billboard’s Hot Christian Singles chart, the new all-time record for most weeks at #1 on any Billboard chart…Success has Lutherans looking into releasing techno version of Te Deum Laudamus in hopes of breaking record by 2024
4. Federal Executions – Federal government conducts eighth execution of 2020 this week, despite fact country no safer with guy dead than they were with him locked up…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters don’t like rapists anymore than you do, but remain “pretty sure” no criminal anywhere deterred by Hall’s execution.
5. President Trump Fact Check – Outgoing US president still 5-hole staple, as fantasies about having won election continue…Click here for latest from Liar-in-Chief, from the Associated Press.
Today At The Site Writing worth reading. Usually.
Of course it’s Read Free Sunday for The Diary. Don’t be silly.
…I was looking for a fine-point Sharpie…None were found…Not in my usual palace and not not in the drawer and not in the desk organizer…There were, however, eight of those money markers you use on currency to detect fakes…I’ve never understood why we have even one of these because we never use them…Had we used them it’s likely Heidi would not have accepted a fake C note that had FOR MOTION PICTURE PURPOSES stamped on it, a prop that is still kept in a drawer in the back office, just for funsies/educational purposes…I finally found a box of fine-tip Sharpies in the storage room.
Columns, books, shopping lists, clickhere to get in on the laughs. 4Ever & Ever ($8.99) and monthly ($2.99) plans available.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 1963 – President of the United States John F Kennedy is assassinated while riding in a motorcade in Dallas. Texas Governor John Connally was also wounded and a bit more than an hour later Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested for Kennedy’s murder and the murder of a Dallas police officer. The Warren Commission – named after Earl Warren, the chief justice of the United States – formed by President Johnson, would find that Oswald acted alone, though nobody really believes that. Oswald himself would be shot to death two days later.
In 1986 – Mike Tyson becomes the youngest world’s heavyweight champion in history, defeating Trevor Berbick for the WBC title in Las Vegas. Tyson defeated Berbick by knockout at 2:35 of the second round. Tyson was 20 years old, a year younger than Floyd Patterson, who was 21 when he won the title in 1956. Tyson would later add the WBA and IBF titles and lost all three to Buster Douglas in 1990. It was Tyson’s 13th fight of 1986.
In 1952 – It’s in the Book by Johnny Standley is at #1 on Billboard’s Best Sellers in Stores chart – a predecessor to today’s Hot 100 – for the first of two consecutive weeks. The song was mostly a spoken word song, a novelty piece done in the manner of a revivalist minister preaching about Little Bo-Peep and was Standley’s only chart single. Due to the numerous Billboard pop charts at the time and the fact they generally had far fewer than 100 positions, research into other ultimate one-hit wonders of the era – acts whose only chart single went to #1 – was not conducted.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
If you don’t learn gratitude at the bottom…if you don’t learn strength at the bottom, how are you going to find it at the top? Wes Watson
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The current hot air balloon altitude record is 68,986 feet by Vijaypat Singhania of India, in 2005. Higher marks have been achieved by balloons filled with helium.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
How many US presidents have been assassinated? – Answer next time!
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Posted in2020|Comments Off on The Daily Dose/Sunday, November 22, 2020
