The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 8 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
With Vanderbilt furloughed for the next couple of weeks – resting up for its most important Bottom Ten stretch run ever – it’s time for other teams to strut their Bottom Ten stuff in the race for the pretty sacred ESPNCup – symbolic of Bottom Ten supremacy.
Hello Louisana-Monroe. The Warhawks are off to their first 0-5 start since 2003’s vaunted 1-11 squad and are in prime position to claim the ESPNCup for the first time.
In other news, Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere are heartbroken over the postponement of the Florida International/Charlotte showdown – which would have been rife with Bottom Ten implications. No make-up date has been announced.
October 11 There’s been some discontent on graveyard, I’m afraid. Actually, it’s been brewing for a while.
Ted, 77Rick and Blakely are making pests of themselves by very aggressively running out hookers. Ted is always on the horn from dispatch getting officers to go and shoo them out and Blakely does this on his own and all this is encouraged by 77Rick. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if he is up in dispatch at times coordinating all this.
There was – for reasons which may never be known – one of those label stickers you make in a machine in the shred pile that said ‘Hickory Barbeque’ on it…No, I don’t know what’s going on, either, because there are a lot of unanswered questions…Offhand, I’m thinking the only hickory bbq anything we have are the potato chips at the sundry stand, but those aren’t labeled because the flavor is right there on the package…Nor was it immediately clear why the label was deemed confidential enough to be put in the shred pile…
He seems genuinely surprised his 104 key doesn’t work in 30-107, but he bows some more and we bow and eventually steer him back to 30-104.
From which we’re not allowed to leave. He holds a hand out expansively as if giving us a tour and then he goes and looks for something, probably his passport, which we don’t need because his room key worked. Fred and I try to leave but he insists on being a gracious host and Fred says goodbye and bows and I bow which he thinks is very funny and then he sticks his arms out imitating an airplane, and, when Fred and I do that, too, he waves and we are allowed to leave.
Free Stuff The same trick the drug dealers use.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Clickhere for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Clickhere to read the first four chapters with our compliments.
Click on the button to get 4Ever and Ever access to everything Gaylon: books, columns, tax returns, the whole nine yards, for only $29.99, a steal.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 1960 – The United States imposes a trade embargo against Cuba. The embargo covers all exports to Cuba except food and medicine and was in response to Cuba nationalizing American oil refineries without compensation. The embargo, though modified somewhat over the years, continues to be routinely criticized by most in the international community, and Cuba conducts trade with other nations.
In 1957 – Maurice Richard of the Montreal Canadiens becomes the first NHL player to score 500 goals in a 3-1 win over the Chicago Blackhawks. Richard had become the NHL’s career goal-scoring leader in November 1952 when his 325th career goal broke the mark established by Nels Stewart from 1925-40. Richard retired in 1960 with 544 career goals, a mark that was broken in 1963 by Gordie Howe and is now held by Wayne Gretzky with 894 career goals.
In 1974 – Billy Preston is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only week with Nothing From Nothing. It was the fourth of five Top 10 hits for Preston and his second and final #1 song (Will It Go Round In Circles, two weeks, 1973). The song also peaked at #8 on billboard’s soul chart and the song did not chart in Great Britain. Nothing From Nothing would establish a Hot 100 record the following week for biggest drop from #1, falling to #15, a record that would be tied two weeks later by Dionne Warwick and The Spinners (Then Came You) and has been broken three times since.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
These poor bastards. They’ve got us right where we want ‘em. We can shoot in every direction now. Lewis B “Chesty” Puller United States Marine Corps
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Bob Robertson (PIttsburgh Pirates, 1971), George Brett (Kansas City Royals, 1978), Adam Kennedy (Anaheim Angeles, 2002), Adrian Beltre (Texas Rangers, 2011), Jose Altuve (Houston Astros, 2017) and Enrique Hernandez (Los Angeles Dodgers, 2017) are the other major league players who have hit three home runs in a postseason game. No one has hit four.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Whose record for biggest drop from #1 did Billy Preston break? – Answer next time!
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Posted in2020|Comments Off on The Daily Dose/Monday, October 19, 2020
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Sunday, October 18 The problem of having 120 rooms booked at a 117-room hotel was solved without having to procure rooms at another hotel, known as walking a guest in the trade, which was good because it was unlikely there were any rooms to be had anywhere else in town…Assistant Front Desk Manager Q reported Front Desk Manager Brandon got on the horn with our arrivals and found two that wouldn’t be making it…Since the third reservation was a hold by the hotel, we ended up with 117 rooms rented, so we were in on time…A quick check of the occupancy report for the next few days showed there weren’t any other overbooked days on the horizon.
October 9 Fred and I moved on a call tonight that was pretty funny. It started in pit four and ended in the hotel with Fred and I obliged to pretend we were airplanes.
The Daily Dose/October 18, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5 The very best of the very worst of the week that was.
1. College Football – Go ahead and cash your TV checks, guys…Sure, games are getting postponed, but these problems can be dealt with and don’t really matter anyway…What’s going to happen, though, 20 years from now when formers players are getting sick from things that are directly attributable to having caught COVID in 2020?
2. Nick Saban– Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” it’s possible to have a positive COVID test followed by three negative tests, but for the sainted Alabama coach the week of the big game vs Georgia???…Sure, that’s believable.
3. Lauren Daigle – In her 106th non-consecutive week at #1 on Billboard’s Christian singles chart – an all-time record for any Billboard singles chart – with You Say…All-time Billboard chart of record of 110 weeks (Wendy Carlos, Switched-On Bach, Classical Album chart, 1969-72) now squarely in crosshairs.
4. Election 2020 – 16 days until America heralds to the world – and itself – whether it’s content with the status quo or is ready to make some changes…You would think choice between lying sexual predator who believes moon is part of Mars and a former vice president who knows the moon is not part of Mars would have been decided by Labor Day, but Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters still “pretty sure” Biden will win anyway.
5. President Trump Fact Check – The 5-hole staple, clickhere for the latest delusions from America’s Liar-in-Chief. Provided by the Associated Press.
I filled up after the hotel and I knew it would be tuff because the trip odometer hadn’t even reached 400 miles yet…Now, I know we can round up to 38 and stuff – and that’s pretty close to 40 – but regular readers of this crap know we don’t do that here, and I’d hate to think they heady days – lasting most of this year – of flirting and exceeding 40 MPG are over, tho the rending of garments has been put off indefinitely.
I am trying to be strong here, and I know you are, too. I went in today and Daryl said somebody had the nerve to complain about something or another. I don’t remember exactly – I wasn’t thinking entirely straight at this time – but I think it had something to do with an idiot employee complaining about the fact he didn’t heat his cut up enough and he went to Daryl’s supervisor to whine and Daryl said fuck it, he didn’t need this.
And he’s right, of course. He was providing this splendid public service on his own, infiltrating room service every night and stealing a slab or two, but, as usual, it’s the little guy that ends up taking the broom handle.
Free Stuff The same trick the drug dealers use.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Clickhere for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Clickhere to read the first four chapters with our compliments.
Click on the button to get 4Ever and Ever access to everything Gaylon: books, columns, tax returns, the whole nine yards, for only $29.99, a steal.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 1648 – The first trade union in what would become the United States is formed when shoemakers in Boston receive a charter from the Massachusetts Bay Colony for the Company of Shoomakers. They formed the guild not because they were disappointed in their earnings, but because of the “occasion of bad ware” turned out by some area cobblers and the desire to enact certain standards of quality. Some sources list Boston coopers as receiving a charter on this date, too.
In 1977 – Reggie Jackson of the New York Yankees ties the World Series record for most home runs in a game in a series-clinching 8-4 victory over the Los Angeles Dodgers in Game 6. Jackson had three home runs to tie the record established by Babe Ruth, also of the Yankees, in 1926, a feat he repeated in 1928. The feat was equaled by Albert Pujols of the St Louis Cardinals in 2011 and by Pedro Sandoval of the San Francisco Giants in 2012.
In 1969 – The Temptations are at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of two consecutive weeks with I Can’t Get Next to You. The song was also in its third of five consecutive weeks at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart and was Billboard’s third-biggest song of the year. It was the second of four #1 songs on the Hot 100 for the group and their tenth of 15 #1 songs on the soul chart. A version by Al Green also hit the Hot 100 and soul chart the following year.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…only a few can preserve the just medium, and neither tear up what the ancients have correctly established nor despise the just innovations of the moderns. Francis Bacon
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
The Four Tops’ biggest hit on Billboard’s soul chart was I Can’t Help Myself, which spent nine weeks at #1 in 1965.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Who else has hit three home runs in a postseason game? – Answer next time!
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The Daily Dose/October 17, 2020 By Gaylon Kent America’s Funniest Guy
Leading Off Notes from around the human experience.
HUT, HUT, HIKE: You might think that with COVID-19 nicely throwing the college football season into such disarray the wizards that run the College Football Playoff might be considering expanding their four-team Nick Saban Invitational Playoff. It would make sense. Some teams haven’t even started playing yet and some will play more games than others.
Don’t Be Silly: Of course, they’re not, the idea was actually dismissed a while ago after it was suggested by the step-children in the once-proud Pacific-12 Conference, who probably ran it up the flagpole because it was their only hope of getting their champion invited.
Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: We’ve been proclaiming here – more or less every hour on the hour – that it is silly the NCAA does not offer a major division football playoff and it gets sillier by the year. They do it in three other divisions, for Pete’s sake and there’s no reason they can’t do it for the big boys.
Dry, Technical Matter: Not having one is so shortsighted by everyone. A 32-team playoff could begin on Thanksgiving weekend, end on New Year’s Day and would become an American classic faster than you can say “strength of schedule” and it is not reasonable to believe it would not instantly become a license to print money.
The Bottom Line: Look, we love the Cheez-It Bowl as much as you do, but we have never understood the resistance to an NCAA Division I Football Playoff. It would captivate the country for five weeks, with a betting handle that should have everyone who gets a cut achieving and maintaining states of arousal. But college football is like television and government: we’ll continue to get what we tolerate. As long as we continue to accept 6-6 teams playing in frozen, empty baseball stadiums, that is what we will continue to get.
Today At The Site Writing worth reading. Usually.
Read Free Fortnight continues for our daily features.
One, I’d barely stepped onto Maple Street and every damn dog in town started barking…Not only that, when I turned onto South Street a loose dog was actually barking at my feet…Christ!!!…Odds are it’s not rabid and looking to kill, but who the hell knows???…I continue and there are more dogs barking so a block later I turn right to head back to Main Street…For those of you keeping score at home ol’ Sparrow is, of course, a block away from The Shire.
Even walking the one block back to Main Street was fraught with peril, tho, because there are a couple of people pulling out of their driveways and who knows if some resident wasn’t alarmed by the dogs barking and grabbed his gun in order to shoot the guy walking down the street…I don’t need that.
Last night I was sitting in PBX with my angels Angelica and Maria when Angelica asks why are guys such slobs? Maria is on the phone, probably with her boyfriend, judging by how curious she seemed to be about my answer.
She should be. I am not all that neat and am a leading authority on this matter. I told them there is a bird called the prothonotary warbler, the male gender of which (and I assume there are other birds with this trait) makes several unused nests, requiring the female to show up and make a real nest.
Free Stuff The same trick the drug dealers use.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.
Clickhere for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever.
Criminals, Courtesans and Constables Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row.
Clickhere to read the first four chapters with our compliments.
Click on the button to get 4Ever and Ever access to everything Gaylon: books, columns, tax returns, the whole nine yards, for only $29.99, a steal.
On This Date The long march to today.
In 1931 – Al Capone, a Chicago mobster, is convicted of income tax evasion in Chicago. Capone was convicted of evading $215,000 in taxes on a little over $1,000,000 over a five-year period and would later be sentenced to 11 years in federal prison. He reported to the federal penitentiary in Atlanta the following May, where it was discovered he had two cases of the clap, in addition to suffering from cocaine withdrawals. Capone was later transferred to Alcatraz and was paroled in 1939.
In 1943 – The Detroit Lions establish a new NFL record for fewest rushing yards in a game in a 7-0 victory over the Chicago Cardinals in a game played in Buffalo. The Lions rushed for minus-53 yards to break the record of minus-33 yards established by the Brooklyn Dodgers two weeks earlier. The Cardinals rushed for 38-yards and the combined total of minus-15 yards established an NFL record for fewest rushing yards in a game by both teams. Both records still stand and the only touchdown of the game came on a 67-yard pass from Harry Hopp to Frank Sinkwich in the third quarter
In 1981 – The Four Tops are at #1 on Billboard’s soul chart – then known as the Hot Soul Singles chart – for the second and final week with When She Was My Girl. It was the third #1 song on the soul chart for the group and their first since Reach Out I’ll Be There in 1966 and was their 22nd and final soul chart Top 10 hit. The song also went to #11 on Billboard’s Hot 100, their first Top 40 hit since 1973.
Some Philosophy Crap The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
Who knows through what door wisdom will walk? Gore Vidal Julian
Answer To The Last Trivia Question It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Porter Waggoner, a country singer who was a partner and mentor to Dolly Parton, was Parton’s inspiration to write I Will Always Love You. She wrote it after she decided to pursue a solo career.
Today’s Stumper Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What was the Four Tops’ biggest hit on Billboard’s soul chart? – Answer next time!
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Posted in2020|Comments Off on The Daily Dose/Saturday, October 17, 2020
Meet Sparrow, an average man passing an average life…
Friday, October 16 Boy, it was cold for the walk this morning…I set out a bit after 0600, well, maybe 0615, and it was 21 out…This, of course, calls for full bundling up and the winter coat made its first appearance of the season…(After the walk, the winter coat took its place on a hook on the hall tree I assembled and put in the kitchen in the spring.)…Also making its first appearance of the season were the new gloves I bought last New Year’s Day in the big city and the hood, which is really warm, tho I still wore the black watch cap, more for looks than anything else.
