The Daily Dose/Monday, October 19, 2020

The Daily Dose/October 19, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around our human experience.

Leading Off will return.

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow finds a Hickory Barbecue label in the shred pile.   

There was – for reasons which may never be known – one of those label stickers you make in a machine in the shred pile that said ‘Hickory Barbeque’ on it…No, I don’t know what’s going on, either, because there are a lot of unanswered questions…Offhand, I’m thinking the only hickory bbq anything we have are the potato chips at the sundry stand, but those aren’t labeled because the flavor is right there on the package…Nor was it immediately clear why the label was deemed confidential enough to be put in the shred pile…

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Fred, Gaylon and a drunk Japanese guest pretend they’re airplanes. 

He seems genuinely surprised his 104 key doesn’t work in 30-107, but he bows some more and we bow and eventually steer him back to 30-104. 

From which we’re not allowed to leave. He holds a hand out expansively as if giving us a tour and then he goes and looks for something, probably his passport, which we don’t need because his room key worked. Fred and I try to leave but he insists on being a gracious host and Fred says goodbye and bows and I bow which he thinks is very funny and then he sticks his arms out imitating an airplane, and, when Fred and I do that, too, he waves and we are allowed to leave. 

Free Stuff
The same trick the drug dealers use.

Backstairs at the Monte Carlo
Clock in with the graveyard crew of the Monte Carlo Security Department on the glamorous Las Vegas Strip.

Click here for the first two months of the funniest Vegas memoir ever. 

Criminals, Courtesans and Constables
Gaylon’s latest novel takes place everywhere from throne rooms to death row. 

Click here to read the first four chapters with our compliments.

Click on the button to get 4Ever and Ever access to everything Gaylon: books, columns, tax returns, the whole nine yards, for only $29.99, a steal.

On This Date
The long march to today.

In 1960 – The United States imposes a trade embargo against Cuba. The embargo covers all exports to Cuba except food and medicine and was in response to Cuba nationalizing American oil refineries without compensation. The embargo, though modified somewhat over the years, continues to be routinely criticized by most in the international community, and Cuba conducts trade with other nations. 

In 1957 – Maurice Richard of the Montreal Canadiens becomes the first NHL player to score 500 goals in a 3-1 win over the Chicago Blackhawks. Richard had become the NHL’s career goal-scoring leader in November 1952 when his 325th career goal broke the mark established by Nels Stewart from 1925-40. Richard retired in 1960 with 544 career goals, a mark that was broken in 1963 by Gordie Howe and is now held by Wayne Gretzky with 894 career goals. 

In 1974 – Billy Preston is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only week with Nothing From Nothing. It was the fourth of five Top 10 hits for Preston and his second and final #1 song (Will It Go Round In Circles, two weeks, 1973). The song also peaked at #8 on billboard’s soul chart and the song did not chart in Great Britain. Nothing From Nothing would establish a Hot 100 record the following week for biggest drop from #1, falling to #15, a record that would be tied two weeks later by Dionne Warwick and The Spinners (Then Came You)  and has been broken three times since. 

Some Philosophy Crap
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

These poor bastards. They’ve got us right where we want ‘em. We can shoot in every direction now.
Lewis B “Chesty” Puller
United States Marine Corps

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Bob Robertson (PIttsburgh Pirates, 1971), George Brett (Kansas City Royals, 1978), Adam Kennedy (Anaheim Angeles, 2002), Adrian Beltre (Texas Rangers, 2011), Jose Altuve (Houston Astros, 2017) and Enrique Hernandez (Los Angeles Dodgers, 2017) are the other major league players who have hit three home runs in a postseason game. No one has hit four. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

 Whose record for biggest drop from #1 did Billy Preston break? – Answer next time!

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