The Daily Dose/November 22, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
Today is the Thanksgiving holiday here in America. It has been celebrated off and on since the early 17th century, first in Virginia, and was first observed to celebrate a good harvest. The tradition of having it late November originated with President Abraham Lincoln in 1863 and President Franklin D Roosevelt resisted pleas from the nation’s department stores to make it earlier so they could sell more stuff. There was a time when Thanksgiving marked the start of the holiday season, but America’s retailers have been force feeding us earlier and earlier starts and now the first Christmas stuff is trotted well before Halloween.

Yeah, there’s a lot to fret about in our country: Our government is a partisan, fractured and bickering mess and our once-proud nation has turned into a shooting gallery. 2019 will mark the 30th consecutive year America has been at war.

So let’s not worry about that right now. Let’s get selfish and be thankful for what is good in our lives. Here at In The News, we’re thankful for the good health that makes writing two, sometimes three, columns a day possible and for you dropping by to read what we feel needs to be said.

If you’ve made it this far you can be thankful you can read and that you can afford the computer and Internet access required to read this crap and you may well be enjoying a large meal with loved, or at least tolerated, ones. If you’re alone this holiday, well, we’ve been there. We’ve had our share of hot dogs and mac and cheese for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner one year was Church’s Fried Chicken because they were the only place open and we had neglected to buy anything. Hang in there, though perhaps you are grateful for your solitude, as we usually were.

And if none of this pleases you, if some aspects of your life are not measuring up or what you expected, be thankful you live in America where everyone is free to say OK, this may be what I am today, but tomorrow, tomorrow I am going to be this.

We should be thankful for the 24 hours each of us has each day to make something good happen for ourselves. It’s the great prize for having had the great good fortune of being born in this country and is something to be thankful for every day, not just on the fourth Thursday in November.

Today at the Site
The Diary of a Nobody
Sparrow kicks off the holiday season by baking the Thanksgiving pie, despite the fact he’s never baked a pie before in his life. Also, the small town continues to take the diner’s closing well.

The Thought for the Day
Thomas Edison, one of the more useful people we’ve produced, has a quote from earlier this year about doing what we are capable of.

On This Date
In 498 – The Catholic Church elects two popes – Symmachus and Laurence – one more than is required. Though the church recognizes Symmachus as pope and Laurence as antipope, Laurence was actually in control of Rome from 501 until his death in either 506 or 508, History not being entirely clear on this matter. Symmachus would serve as pope until July 514.

In 1985 – Mike Tyson, 20, defeats Trevor Berbick in a second-round TKO to win the WBC heavyweight championship, becoming the youngest heavyweight champion ever. Tyson would later be the undisputed heavyweight champion until losing in 1990 to Buster Douglas. Tyson would regain the WBC title in 1995 and the WBA title in 1996. Tyson last fought in 2005 and now lives near Las Vegas.

In 1969 – Wedding Bell Blues by the Fifth Dimension is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the third and final week, the second and final #1 for the Fifth Dimension. Earlier in 1969, they had hit #1 with Aquarius/Let The Sun Shine In, making them and the Beatles the only acts with multiple #1 songs that year.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The first song to spend ten weeks at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 was You Light Up My Life by Debby Boone in 1977. The record was equaled and eclipsed before the advent of the Hot 100 and has been eclipsed since then many times.

Today’s Stumper
Thanksgiving replaced another late November holiday that had been celebrated in America. What was it? – Answer Next Time!

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The Daily Dose/November 21, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
Well, at least that’s over with. President Donald Trump announced Tuesday the United States would not pursue punitive actions against Saudi Arabian Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salam for his role in the murder of Saudi writer Jamal Khashoggi.

While other nations will continue to get their shorts in a knot over this, the world is relieved from further worry about what exactly the moral stalwarts running America might do: the answer is nothing.

After Khashoggi’s murder last month President Trump, of course, went on record as saying America certainly did not condone Khashoggi’s murder but it turns out he was just funnin’ us. With this pronouncement, America is doing exactly that, go, kill whomever you want, America won’t care as long as you have oil and buy our weapons. Trump being Trump, he might even admire the crown prince for being able to kill writers with impunity.

The crown prince got away with it. Turkey, the country where Khashoggi was killed, is still, valiantly, going through the motions of trying to get to the bottom of the affair, but even they are frustrated enough to consider referring the matter to the United Nations, the diplomatic equivalent of slipping a note in a bottle and tossing it in the ocean.

The only real question now is who’s next? Who’s the next writer to get executed for having the nerve to say what he or she feels needs to be said?

An anxious world awaits.

Today at the Site
The Diary of a Nobody
The diner in Sparrow’s small town is closed! Sparrow is taking this about as well as can be expected, though The Wife asked if they should sell The Shire and move.

Another clue came when there were no lights on and my heart sank when I saw a note taped to the door…I did keep up some measure of hope because Todd could have merely been announcing he was going to be away for a few days, but no such luck.

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 11
Coming back strong after a bye week, The NFL Bottom Ten is back, with Arizona back on top, followed Jacksonville, which has lost six straight.

2. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-7; lost to Pittsburgh 20-16) – Jaguars owner Shad Khan declares own personal intifada, promising beheadings for coaching staff if they don’t deliver team’s first B-10 title…Jaguars have lost league-best six (6) straight…Next Loss: at Buffalo

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The Thought for the Day
The Thought for the Day will return.

On This Date
In 1980 -Portions of the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas – now known as Bally’s – catches fire, killing 78 guests and seven employees, mostly from carbon monoxide poisoning and smoke inhalation. The fire was noticed about 7am in a restaurant, though it had been smoldering for a while. It had started in a wall socket in a closed restaurant that had been exempt from mandatory fire sprinkler regulations.

In 1977 – Walter Payton of the Chicago Bears establishes a new record for Most Rushing Yards in a Game, running for 275 yards as the Bears defeat the Minnesota Vikings 10-7. The old record of 273 yards had been established the year before by O.J. Simpson and would be broken on October 22, 2000, by Corey Dillon of Cincinnati, who rushed for 278 yards. The record is now held by Adrian Peterson who rushed for 296 yards for the Minnesota Vikings in a 2007 game and Payton’s mark is now good for fifth on the all-time list.

In 1981 – Olivia Newton-John is at #1 for the fifth and final time on Billboard’s Hot 100 when Physical moves into the top spot from #3. Physical would spend ten weeks at #1, only the second song to do so on Billboard’s Hot 100, though the feat had been equaled or topped on earlier Billboard charts and has since been eclipsed many times. Though reaching the top in 1981, Physical spent most of its chart run in the 1982 reporting period and was Billboard’s biggest song for both 1982 and the entire 1980’s.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The two acts that have had more #1s on Billboard’s country chart than Merle Haggard’s 38 are Conway Twitty (40) and Geroge Strait (44)

Today’s Stumper
What was the first song to spend ten weeks at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100? – Answer Next Time!

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The Daily Dose/November 20, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
Us humans are interesting animals. Some tragedies interest us, some do not. We’re not heartless, but some things hit home and some don’t, it’s the way the world is built.

Two tragedies that do interest us here at In The News are the murder of Saudi writer Jamal Khashoggi and the locating this week of the Argentinian submarine that had disappeared last year.

Khashoggi’s death interests us both on principles of general intrigue and because we’re writers who tend to say what we feel needs to be said when we feel it needs to be said. Fortunately, we are citizens of a country that doesn’t kill writers who do this. Khashoggi was not, and he found himself slaughtered in a country that was neither his native nor his adopted country. It is not reasonable to think the Saudi government is not knee-deep in this. When writers are slaughtered for plying their trade our ears prick up with interest, which is why you will continue to read about the Khashoggi affair in this feature.

The ARA San Juan was a diesel-electric submarine in the Argentinian Navy that disappeared in November 2017 in the Atlantic Ocean off the Argentinian coast. It was found this week by submersibles owned by an American country hired out for the purpose about 300 miles off the coast in 3,000 feet of water, about 12 miles from its last known position. 44 sailors sank to their graves.

This hit home. We rode submarines in the US Navy, and diesel boat called the USS Blueback. A boat goes down you find yourself grateful yours surfaced after every dive.

The Argentinian government has let it be known they do not have the resources to raise what’s left of the San Juan. Good. Leave it.

Sure, the family would like to have what remains the sea would yield and the Navy would like to have it so they can see what information could be provided, but if you asked the 44 dead sailors, I’d bet every one of them would prefer to be left at the bottom. You work underwater and you die underwater, it’s best to take your eternal rest underwater.

Today at the Site
Sparrow and The Wife talk about his Famous Strawberry Pie that is on the menu for Thanksgiving on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody. Also, Buzz is critical of Sparrow’s first closing page at the retailer and there were no coffee filters to be found at the hotel.

Buzz shook his head dismissively…He wasn’t all that impressed because, as we’ve noted here before, his closing pages sound like a gulag commandant greeting new arrivals, with some customers fleeing the store in tears.

“You need to be more aggressive…Let them know they’ll be locked in for the night if they don’t hurry up.”

The Thought for the Day is an encore from this past winter, from Agatha Christie, a thought about having a high opinion of yourself.

It’s OK to have a high opinion of yourself. It’s healthy to admit you do something well, perhaps better than most, because false modesty only serves those who have nothing to be modest about.

The race for the ESPN Cup is one of the tightest ever on The Bottom Ten/NCAA Week 13, as Rice retains the top spot, followed closely by defending champion UTEP and Rutgers.

UTEP administrators looking to alter course of nearby Rio Grande River so school is actually in Mexico so team can compete Juarez Valley Conference in 2019.

On This Date
In 1789 – New Jersey becomes the first state to ratify the first ten amendments to the United States Constitution, known as the Bill of Rights. The Amendments, among other things, guarantee a variety of personal freedoms, limits the government’s power in certain proceedings and reserves for the several states whatever powers are not given to the federal government. Congress had actually sent twelve amendments to the states, but only ten were ratified. One was approved in 1992 and became the Twenty-Seventh Amendment and the other is still pending.

In 1997 – A.C. Green of the Los Angeles Lakers establishes a new NBA record, playing in his 907th consecutive game. Green broke the record that had been held by Randy Smith since 1982. Green would ultimately play in 1,192 consecutive games, an NBA record that still stands.

In 1971 – Daddy Frank (The Guitar Man) by Merle Haggard is #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the first of two consecutive weeks. The song also went to #2 on the Canadian country chart and was the tenth of 38 #1 songs for Haggard on the country chart.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The NBA record for most free throws made in a game by both teams is 116, by Syracuse Nationals – now the Philadelphia 76ers and Anderson Packers in November 1949. The NBA record for fewest free throws made in a game by both teams is seven, by the Milwaukee Bucks and Baltimore Bullets in January 1973.

Today’s Stumper
What two acts have had more #1 hits on Billboard’s country chart than Merle Haggard? – Answer Next Time!

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The Daily Dose/November 19, 2018
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

In The News
A report due out this week, based on information compiled by US intelligence networks, will say that the murder of Saudi writer Jamal Khashoggi in October was ordered by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

This is not a bulletin. It’s what most of the world has thought from the start. To believe that a rogue band of Saudis infiltrated Turkey and carried this out without royal sanction is not reasonable.

There’s no reason to doubt the veracity of what American intelligence has found. Lord knows they have the capacity to spy on pretty much anyone and their tentacles have a long reach. As we learned from the 9/11 Commission’s report, America knew enough to stop the 9/11 attacks (an Arab taking flying lessons in Arizona, but not bothering to show up for the landing the plane lessons, for example), so they are good at finding out stuff, but the report also showed that America never really knew what it knew in the months leading up to the attack and we were unable to stop it.

The world is saying this and saying that about holding people responsible for Khashoggi’s murder, but Saudi paws are on the spigot controlling a lot of the world’s oil and their checkbook is wide open to buy arms and it probably isn’t reasonable to think any Saudi of importance will be tried and beheaded.

On the other hand, on the evening of September 10, 2001, you probably would have gotten pretty good odds the Twin Towers would still be standing the following afternoon and they weren’t.

You never know.

We’ll see if the world lets the Saudi crown prince bully his way through this.

Today at the Site
Sparrow goes shopping for Thanksgiving dinner and, of all things, he is still planning to bake a pie on today’s edition of The Diary of a Nobody. Also, he probably saves Buzz’s life by telling him not to step on that part of the ladder that really isn’t a step.

I suppose The Wife will make some green vegetable, tho I don’t really care about this…

The Thought for the Day is an encore from one year ago, a thought from President Abraham Lincoln on this, the 155th anniversary of the Gettysburg Address.

…if we wake up every morning committed to putting the 24 hours we have every day to work for us, if we wake up determined to get the most out of the talents we were issued at birth, then our share of memorable moments will make their way to us.

On This Date
In 1864 – President Abraham Lincoln delivers the Gettysburg Address. Lincoln’s two-minute speech followed a two-hour chat delivered by statesman Edward Everett. Five copies of the Gettysburg Address exist, all of which differ from the version offered by the Associated Press reporter at the scene. Initial public reaction to the speech was mixed and generally followed party lines.

In 1977 – The New Orleans Jazz, now the Utah Jazz, establish the NBA record for fewest free throws made in a game, making one in their 103-101 win over the Houston Rockets. The only free throw made by the Jazz was by Pete Maravich, who was 1-1 from the line, finishing with 39 points. The record was broken by the Toronto Raptors, who made zero free throws in a January 1996 game.

In 1955 – Autumn Leaves by Roger Williams is the #1 song on the Billboard’s Best Sellers In Stores chart, a predecessor to the Hot 1oo. The song was in its fourth and final week at #1 and was Williams’ first chart single. The song remains the only piano instrumental to hit #1 on a Billboard chart.

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
The first cartoon that had partially synchronized sound was My Old Kentucky Home, released in 1926 and produced by Max and Dave Fleischer

Today’s Stumper
What teams hold the NBA records for most and fewest free throws made in a game? – Answer Next Time!

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