The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 11
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Foremost Humorist
Cleveland: City of Champions.
First the Cavaliers win the NBA title, then the Indians win the American League pennant and now the Browns are eyeing the Dan Henning Trophy, symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy.
Don’t count out San Francisco and Jacksonville for Pete’s sake. Both those teams solidified their spots on the Bottom Ten medal stand with emphatic losses.
This week’s mess, as the nags approach the far turn:
- Cleveland Browns (0-9; lost to Dallas 35-10) – Browns starting to make 2008 Detroit Lions nervous, opening second half of campaign with blowout loss…Browns have lost 12 straight, 19 of 20 and 27 of last 30…Browns 30th NFL team to start season 0-9…Next Loss: Baltimore (Nov 10)
2. San Francisco 49ers (1-7; lost to New Orleans 41-23) – San Francisco waiting in wings following seventh (7th) straight loss…49ers prove old B-10 adage that if you rush for fewer than 100 yards and turn the ball over left and right, you can lose in this leage…Next Loss: at Arizona
3. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-6; lost to Kansas City 19-14) – Jaguars back in B-10 pollsters good graces, having lost three (3) straight following curious two (2) -game win skid…Owner Ghengis Khan pleased as three (3) turnovers lead to 13 Chiefs points, easily overcoming 25 first downs and 445 total yards…Next Loss: Houston
4. NFC West (12-18-2) – Takes first Pete Rozelle Award, issued to league’s worst division, of 2016…First place Seattle has lost one (1) straight, while bottom feeders have combined to lose twelve (12) straight…Next Loss: Insert usual loss of automatic berth in NFL playoffs line here.
5. San Diego Chargers (4-5; defeated Tennessee 43-45 ) – Won last game, but voters rejected, rather handily, tax measure written entirely by team that would have used tax money to fund new stadium…Good thing Chargers have an agreement in place to share new Los Angeles stadium with Rams as entire nation gets ready for Las Vegas Raiders/Los Angeles Chargers rivalry…Next Loss: Miami
6. American Media – There was a time when real journalists would have had both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton out of the presidential race before the primaries, but that media is long gone, replaced by cheerleaders who did a great job of trumpeting the two worst major party candidates this nation has ever seen…Next Loss: They have nothing less to lose…We’ll keep getting crap like this as long as we tolerate it.
7. Gaylon For Congress (0-2) – Halfwit behind The Bottom Ten and other crap gets five (5) percent of the vote in Colorado’s 3rd District…This is actually about twice as good as he did in his epic 2014 US Senate run…Next Loss: 2018
8. Donald Trump – A misfit private citizen and an embarrassment of a candidate now gets to govern a racist, mean, once-proud shooting gallery of a country…Trump’s only real talent of drawing attention to himself not expected to be to useful in new gig…Next Loss: America…Start the countdown, the collapse of this nation is on the clock.
9. American Electorate – Following a sewer of campaign that featured the two worst major party candidates ever, Donald Trump acountry that uwsed to know better – Donald Trump – as president of the United States…The man some blame for the downfall of the USFL is now in charge of our country…Next Loss: Our republic as we know it…The only question is when.
10. Tie Games 0-0-2) – There weren’t any tie games in the NFL for the first time in a couple of weeks, but B-10 pollsters still on the rag over election results, so football games without winners – which really should’ve been done away with a generation ago, still hanging on to spot in survey…Next Loss: There are still no losers in tie games!!!
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Houston at Jacksonville
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: San Francisco at Arizona