The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 10
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Foremost Humorist
Veteran Bottom Ten fan(s) know you can’t look ahead in the race for the Dan Henning Trophy. The season is too long, every turnover, every penalty too important.
But with the Cleveland Browns remaining unvictoried with as commanding a second-half meltdown as anyone’s ever seen, Bottom Ten pollsters can’t help wondering if the Browns have what it takes to run the table in 2016.
This week’s mess, as the nags continue up the backstretch:
1. Cleveland Browns (0-8; lost to New York Jets 31-28) – Leading 20-7 at half, Browns do some soul searching and mail it in in second half, getting outscored 24-8…2008 Detroit Lions 0-16 mark now the bright light at the end of the B-10 tunnel…Browns 44th NFL team to start season 0-8 …Next Loss: Dallas
2. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-5; lost to Tennessee 36-22) – Game not as close as score indicated, as Jaguars burst out to 27-0 deficit after punting on every first half possession…Jaguars owner Ghengis Khan threatening beheadings if team does not bring home B-10 title this season…Next Loss: at Kansas City
3. Tie Games (0-0-2) – Another one!!!…In a column devoted to losing, games without winners, losers, make medal stand for first time…Hey NFL: ties blow…Keep playing football until you have a winner…Next Loss: There are no losses is tie games…Nobody wins, nobody loses.
4. NFL In London – Queen really pissed now as latest NFL fiasco across the pond fails to produce a winner, mocking their beloved soccer games…Only complete inability to comprehend American football, lack of sea power, preventing all-out war…Next Loss: London looking to force NFL to move further London games to an ISIS controlled country “and let them bloody deal with it”.
5. Gaylon For Congress – Vote early, vote often!!!…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” Gaylon “pretty much a lock and stuff” to earn election to US House of Representatives, at least based on survey of ballots filled in at his house.
6. San Diego Chargers (3-5; lost to Denver 27-19) – Chargers looking to make usual mid-season run following curious two-game winning skid…Big test this week against two-time defending B-10 champions a great chance to make case for coveted B-10 medal stand spot…Next Loss: Tennessee
7. Jacksonville at Tennessee – Not only was it a prime-time B-10 showdown that did not disappoint but thanks to NFL’s Kodachrome Uniform Series, featured the ugliest uniforms in football history
8. Gaylon For Congress – Genius behind Bottom Ten, Diary of a Nobody set to shatter previous best of 2.6 percent of the vote achieved in 2014 Colorado United States Senate race…Still tho, his 52,864 votes is the most ever by a third party candidate in a Colorado US Senate election…Next Loss: Nov 8
9. USA! USA! – One major party candidate is lucky to not be under indictment – and may well end up there – while the other major candidate has his civil trial on rape and assorted other charges beginning in December…Not only that, his personal university was nothing more than a boiler room operation bilking people out of there money…This is the best we could do, America???…Next Loss: Our entire way of life as our country collapses.
10. Chicago Cubs (2016 World Series Champions) – Did we call it or what???…As we’ve been saying since Week 1, Cubs first World Series title in ages a forgone conclusion…Last time Cubs won World Series team received congratulatory papyrus scroll from Darius the Great …Next Loss: Rest of this century.
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Tennessee at San Diego
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Jacksonville at Kansas City