The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 18

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 18
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

As the 2008 Detroit Lions, the NFL’s only 0-16 team – so far – pace nervously around the Bottom Ten Champion’s Lounge, it’s all over but the losing for the Cleveland Browns, who moved to 0-15 in 2017 with their loss to the Bears. Already guaranteed no worse than consecutive 1-15 seasons, the Browns have their sights set even higher of course, aiming to become the eighth NFL team to finish a season 0-10 or worse.

And in a season filled with them, Bottom Ten fan(s) have one final showdown game to look forward to, as the Texans and Colts finish the season duking it out for a spot on the final Bottom Ten medal stand.

This week’s mess, as the nags stagger towards the finish line:    

1. Cleveland Browns (0-15; lost to Chicago 20-3) – Browns playing for history books now, looking to become the NFL’s second winless team this century with Sunday’s loss and are first team to have two (2) 15 (15) loss seasons at any time much less consecutively…Browns second NFL team to start season 0-15…These are uncharted waters, even for them…Next Loss: at Pittsburgh

2. New York Giants (2-13; lost to Arizona 23-0) – Offense taking bows after 12-first down, fumble returned for touchdown and 43-rushing yard performance ensure Giants never in this one, either…Giants have lost five (5) straight for the second time this season…Next Loss: Washington

3. Indianapolis Colts (3-12; lost to Baltimore 23-16) – Colts show B-10 mettle expected of B-10 medal stand contenders as loss not secured until offense unable to score following untimely blocked punt by defense…Current six (6)-game skid best amongst NFL’s victoried teams…Next Loss: Houston

4. Houston Texans (4-11; lost to Pittsburgh 34-6) – Strong start key, as defense allows scores on four (4) of five (5) first-half possessions, while offense spends entire half punting or turning ball over…Texans can earn second B-10 medal stand finish with loss Sunday…Next Loss: at Indianapolis

5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-11; lost to Carolina 22-19) – Total team effort for Buccaneers, as offense fumbles on final drive, special teams misses late field goal while defense just bad enough to lose…Current five (5)-game skid tied for best amongst NFL’s victoried teams…Next Loss: New Orleans

6. Chicago Bears (5-10; defeated Cleveland 20-3) – Bears game, but not even they are able to overcome Browns punting or turning ball over on every possession…Failure to lose to Browns, clinch medal stand berth certain to cost John Fox his job…Next Loss: at Minnesota

7. New York Jets (5-10; lost to Los Angeles Chargers 14-7) – While Jets have lost eight (8) of ten (10), inability to rip off long losing skid has hurt B-10 medal stand chances..Next Loss: at New England

8. Cincinnati Bengals (6-9; defeated Detroit 26-17) – Bengals unable even to send outgoing head coach Marvin Lewis out with modest losing streak…Lewis’ failure to bring B-10 title home in 33-year tenure ensures ‘unable to lose the big one’ label will always follow Lewis around…Next Loss: at Baltimore

9. Overturned Buffalo Bills Touchdown (0-0; lost to) – Throw an apparent touchdown pass against the New England Patriots, have it overturned is the message America is hearing after yet another TD catch vs Patriots is overturned…To avoid further overturnings, NFL considering making receivers shove ball up ass of back judge before allowing score to count

10. Los Angeles Chargers at New York Jets 18 punts – 18! – ensure season-high Yawns-To-Punts Ratio of 1,379-to-1…Though well off all-time NFL record of 31, number of punts ensures nomination in already-crowded B-10 Game of the Year field.

All The Marbles: Cleveland at Pittsburgh
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Houston at Indianapolis
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Washington at New York (N)

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