The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 3
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
The Week 3 NFL Bottom Ten is often compared to opening your Christmas presents – or a manhole cover: you don’t know what you are going to get. Will last year’s contenders return for another shot at Bottom Ten glory? Which team will surprise with a strong opening week loss? Will the entire AFC South be ranked?
This year’s opening slate of games didn’t disappoint, as both the usual teams showed they intended to compete, while Indianapolis laid claim to the top spot with an impressive blowout road loss.
This week’s mess, as the nags trip over each other at the starting gate:
1. Indianapolis Colts (0-1; lost to Los Angeles Rams 46-9 ) – Colts now brightest blip on B-10 radar, snapping Rams league-best seven (7) game losing skid in huge road loss…Offense already in midseason form, throwing more touchdown passes to Rams (2) than to own team (0)…..Next Loss: Arizona
2. San Francisco 49ers (0-1; lost to Carolina 23-3) – Two turnovers leading to 14 Carolina points?…Check…Complete lack of running game???…Check…Ten (10) penalties showing complete mastery of game’s fundamentals???…Check, as Niners show they are all in for B-10 medal stand run…Next Loss: at Seattle
3. Houston Texans (0-1; lost to ) – Four (4) turnovers, inability to rush for 100 yards really pumps up fan base devastated by Hurricane Harvey…Home loss to divisional foe sends clear signal to rest of division Texans ready to compete in historically tough AFC South…Next Loss: at Cincinnati (9/14)
4. Cleveland Browns (0-1; lost to Pittsburgh 21-18) – Browns open up defense of 2016 B-10 title with 26th loss in last 28 games, dating back to 2015…Cleveland offense sets strong early tone, punting five (5) times in first half…Well, four (4) times, as one (1) attempt was blocked…Next Loss: at Baltimore
5. AFC South (1-3) – Noted NFL division takes Week 1 Pete Rozelle Award, issued to NFL’s worst division…Only Jacksonville/Houston divisional matchup prevented entire division from going winless.
6. AFC East (1-2) – AFC East takes inaugural Avis Award, apparently given to second worst division in AFC…B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” country has long forgotten Avis’ “we’re #2, we try harder” ad campaign from decades ago.
7. Chicago Bears (0-1; lost to Atlanta 23-17) – Tied 10-10 at half, Bears show mettle that led straight to 2016 B-10 runner-up finish by punting on first three (3) second half possessions…With losable games the next, well, pretty much the entire season, Bears can’t be caught looking ahead to late season B-10 showdowns with 49ers and Browns…Next Loss: at Tampa Bay
8. NFL – 98th season kicks off with focus on anthem protests and head injuries, while yet another team relocates, as Chargers return to LA, which didn’t want them in Kennedy Administration and doesn’t want them now…Kudos to TV networks for not showing anthem protesters…TV ratings still down, too…Next Loss: Entire league as, eventually, nobody will want to play, watch NFL football.
9. Los Angeles Chargers (0-1; lost to Denver 24-21) – Not even move to LA can deter Chargers as big early deficit, late comeback, blocked field goal means Chargers still fully focused on strong B-10 run…..Next Loss: Miami
10: Los Angeles Dodgers – Replacing usual Chicago Cubs or incumbent president entry at number ten, Dodgers well on way to greatest collapse in baseball history, as former 21-game lead now down to 10 games…Dodgers broke 11-game losing skid – their best ever – with Tuesday’s win, though they’ve still lost 16 out of 18.
This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Houston at Cincinnati
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Arizona at Indianapolis