The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 13

The Bottom Ten/NFL Week 13
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

It’s on. 

Bottom Ten pollsters know better than to get too excited about much of anything in the quest for The Dan Henning Trophy – symbolic of NFL Bottom Ten supremacy – but 0-10 is 0-10 and the Cincinnati Bengals are 0-10 and the eyes of Bottom Ten fan(s) everywhere are squarely on Paul Brown Stadium in Cincinnati’s quest to become the NFL’s third-ever 0-16 team.

In other news, between the Giants bye week and the Jets’ second consecutive win, Week 13 marks the first time in 2019 Gotham City is not represented with at least one, and usually two, teams in the survey.

This week’s mess, as the nags head into the far turn: 

1. Cincinnati Bengals (0-10; lost to Oakland 17-10) – Bengals show how tough it is to cross country and lose in NFL, with game not decided until clutch interception on final drive…Bengals 27th NFL team to start season 0-10…Next Loss: Pittsburgh

2. Washington Redskins (1-9; lost to New York Jets 34-17) – Redskins apply vice grip on B-10 runner-up spot with decisive home loss to almost-as-lousy Jets…Redskins show mastery of fundamentals with 54-yards rushing, 66-penalty yards, for weekly best 1.222-to-1 Penalty-Yards-To-Rushing-Yards Ratio …Next Loss: Detroit

3. Miami Dolphins (2-8; lost to Buffalo 37-20) – Real ass-chewing by coaching staff gets Dolphins back on track following two (2)-game win streak…Game not as close as score indicated, as Dolphins get touchdown on kickoff return…Next Loss: at Cleveland

4. Denver Broncos (3-7; lost to Minnesota 27-23) – Previously under-the-radar Broncos back on B-10 radar with third loss in four (4) games…Strong finishing kick see Broncos overcome 20-0 halftime lead…Next Loss: at Buffalo

5. NFL  – While nation blabs about merits of pass interference replay policy that doesn’t overturn plainly blown calls, Sunday B-10 pollsters “pretty sure” solution to problem is to have professional football officials call obvious pass interference calls in the first place.

6. Detroit Lions (3-6-1; lost to Dallas 35-27) – Lions rounding into prime B-10 form, having lost six (6) of last seven (7) after rocky 2-0-1 start… Lions staffers denying rumor team tanking so they can earn higher B-10 spot to better keep tabs on Bengals’ 0-16 quest..Next Loss: at Washington

7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-7; lost to New Orleans 34-17) – Buccaneers avoid morale-deflating second straight win with inspired four (4) interception performance…Defense sets strong, early tone, allowing scores on first four (4) drives…Next Loss: at Atlanta

8. Mexico City Chargers (4-7; lost to Kansas City 24-17) – Chargers another team constantly giving ball away, as fourth interception secures fifth loss in last seven (7) games…Los Chargeros thinking about digging hole under border wall to play in Mexico next season because no one wants them in Los Angeles…Next Loss: at Denver

9. AFC North (17-23) – Having Bengals in division doesn’t hurt, as AFC North claims weekly Pete Rozelle Award, issued to league’s worst division…Though Ravens really good, B-10 pollsters impressed with fact no one else in division is over .500

10. Atlanta Falcons (0-0; lost to) – Bad news: two (2) straight wins more or less take Falcons out of B-10 title hunt…Good news: they’ve still only won three (3) games, so coveted B-10 medal stand berth not completely out of the question…Next Loss: Tampa Bay

This Week’s Clash of the Titans: Detroit at Washington
This Is Don Criqui Reporting: Miami at Cleveland
This One’s Gonna Blow, Too: Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Let’s Screw CBS II: Los Angeles Chargers at Denver


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