The Daily Dose/Saturday, May 23, 2020

The Daily Dose/May 23, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience.

THIS JUST IN: The news wasn’t particularly big, merely that actress Lori Laughlin and her husband, fashion designer Mossimo Giannulli are pleading guilty for their roles in the college admission scandal and will likely get some modest jail time. We’re not sure why, but this continues to amuse us, probably long after it should have. If it’s because long ago we had a crush on Ms Laughlin, we’ve long forgotten that. 

Dry, Technical Matter: Anyway, the couple pled guilty to paying the organizer of the scam, Rick Singer, $500,000 to arrange fake crew team resumes for their two daughters’ admission to the University of Southern California (USC). 

Oh Yeah: Singer has already pled guilty and is singing like a canary after paying more than $25 million on behalf of over 750 families to have test scores fraudulently raised and to pay bribes to universities, usually to athletic coaches. He also provided useful, legal services to some of his clients. 

Duh: One thing we’ve wondered about is are their kids complete dolts? Do they drool or need bike helmets for daily tasks? Couldn’t the couple have just called someone in USC admissions and said hey, look, we’d like to contribute $500,000 to the university. Will this help my kid get in?

Fly In The Ointment: Sadly, it may not have. We hardly have our ears to the ground in this matter, but some casual, non-authoritative research showed $500,000 might only have gotten you a curt nod from some lowly deputy assistant senior vice president for intramural sports.  

The Bottom Line: It’s a sad day in America when the Hollywood and fashion elite can’t bribe their kids’ way into a decent school. You would think the schools would be more sympathetic. So some deserving low-income scholarship kid doesn’t get in. Elite colleges should be looking after their own. Sometimes the elite’s offspring may not be too bright, but they’ll make some connections and probably have some money to throw around down the road. This is an appalling lack of foresight, 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest from his US Senate campaign. Today’s Diary.  

Also in the mail was a code from Faceplant…It’s for Sparrow For US Senate because before my Faceplant page can boost individual posts or run ads they have to verify I’m me and not some Ruskie and part of that is sending me a code via the mail so they can verify my address…This was a pain in the neck, not because my address is the Kremlin but because the post office doesn’t deliver to The Shire, they give us all PO boxes here in or small town…But for my address I put The Shire’s street address plus the # sign and then my box number figuring it would make its way to the PO Box and it did…

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today

In 1911 – The New York Public Library opens in New York City, on 5th Avenue between West 42nd and 40th streets. The library traces its roots to the Astor Library, opened in 1848 in the East Village of Manhattan which was later merged with other libraries. Today the library is the largest municipal library in the world and the third-largest overall, behind the Library of Congress and the British Library. It has 92 branches and serves Manhattan, the Bronx and Staten Island with Brooklyn and Queens served by their own municipal library systems. It has one of the eleven copies of the Gutenberg Bibles in the United States. 

In 1975 – The Golden State Warriors establish a new NBA Finals record for most steals in a game in a 109-101 win over the Washington Bullets in Game 3. The Warriors had 17 steals and the 31 combined steals by both teams remain an NBA Finals record. While research into whose record the Warriors broke was inconclusive, the record is now 18, done by the Boston Celtics in Game 6 of the 2008 Finals. The win gave the Warriors a 3-0 lead in the series, which they won in four games. 

In 1987 – U2 is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second of three consecutive weeks with With or Without You. The song also went to #1 in Canada and their native Ireland and peaked at #4 in Great Britain. It was Billboard’s 15th biggest song of the year and ranked 365th on its 60th anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. It was the band’s first of two #1 songs in the US (I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For, two weeks, 1987) and their second of a record 21 #1 songs in Ireland. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Only when you have been in the depths can you truly appreciate the heights. – Richard Nixon

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Janet Guthrie was an aerospace engineer before becoming a race car driver. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What is the second largest municipal library in the world? – Answer next time!

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