The Daily Dose/Monday, May 4, 2020

The Daily Dose/May 4, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH DESK: Almost two weeks after their worst mass shooting, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, has issued a ban on military-style assault weapons, the type of weapon used in the recent Nova Scotia shooting and the preferred weapon of mass shooters here in the US. 

Dry, Technical Matter: The measure was introduced as a federal order because the Canadian Parliament is not meeting due to the coronavirus pandemic and covers about 1,500 models. Owners will have two years to dispense with them. The United States has not banned assault weapons since a ban on them expired in 2004. 

Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: We hope it works. We hope all Canadians comply and turn in their assault weapons and that they are all melted down and turned into RCMP curios and chess pieces. We hope mass shootings never become the dreary, common events they’ve become here in America. Hopefully, Canadian mass shootings will remain as rare as they are tragic.

Fly In The Ointment: We will point out that, as a practical matter, the measures probably won’t stop the weapons from being smuggled in from the United States nor will the measures be followed by the depraved who do these things, just like the tens of thousands of gun laws here in the US are ignored by those hell-bent on causing mayhem. 

The Bottom Line: Gun control means well and is a completely human reaction to tragedy. You can’t undo what you’ve done, though. Guns aren’t going to go away simply because it’s been mandated by someone, and neither are the disturbed who do these things. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow returns to the kitchen. Today’s Diary.   

They weren’t Hotcakes of the Year, but they weren’t too bad, either and after the fried canned chicken fiasco of a couple of days ago, it was good for morale to come back strong with a relatively solid performance in the kitchen. 

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today.

In 1970 – What History refers to as the Kent State Shootings occurs, at a Vietnam War protest the university of the same name in Kent, Ohio. Four unarmed students were shot by members of the Ohio National Guard, who fired 67 rounds in 13 seconds. Two of the dead students were taking part in the protest, the other two were walking to their next class. To this day, no one is sure why the soldiers began firing. 

In 1871 – The Fort Wayne Kekiongas defeat the Cleveland Forest Citys 2-1 in the first game played in the National Association of Professional Base Ball Players, commonly referred to as the National Association. Two current major league teams, the Chicago Cubs and the Atlanta Braves – then in Boston – have been in continuous operation since the 1871 National Association season. Though National Association marks are not included in the major league record books, this was the first game played in the first world’s first professional baseball league.  

In 1946 – Al Dexter and His Troopers are at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Most Played Juke Box Folk Records chart – for the 14th of a then-record 16 non-consecutive weeks with Guitar Polka. The song also peaked at #16 on Billboard’s Best Selling Singles chart, a predecessor of the Hot 100. It was the sixth of seven #1 country songs for Dexter, who is perhaps best known as the writer of Pistol Packin’ Mama, whose version was one of several recognized as the first #1 song on Billboard’s country chart in 1944. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

I wish to make it so broad, and so clear, that no honest man can misunderstand me, and no dishonest one, successfully misrepresent me. – Abraham Lincoln

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

The 5th Dimension’s final Top 10 hit was If I Could Reach You, which peaked at # 10 in 1972. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Who won the 1871 National Association pennant? – Answer next time!

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