The Daily Dose/Sunday, January 12, 2020

The Daily Dose/January 12, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was.

1. USA! USA!30 years of non-stop warfare leads to US killing of Iranian general, accidental blowing up of Ukranian airline…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” that if US had been at peace every day for past 30 years none of this would have happened, Twin Towers would still be standing. 

2. IranSo pissed at US – and so militarily proficient – they inadvertently misidentify airplane for incoming cruise missile, shooting down Ukranian airliner that had a lot of Iranians, not to mention Canadians, on it as retribution for US killing one of its generals…Exactly why dozens of Canadians were flying out of Iran on Ukranian airplane not immediately clear. 

3. USA! USA! No nation has survived perpetual war and America will not be the exception…While Vegas oddsmakers silent on the matter, Sunday Bottom 5 staffers give America until half-century is out before once-proud nation collapses. 

4. Guy That Puked In Holiday Inn Lobby Dude, go outside next time…You had to have had some warning, at least based on our experience in the matter…Also, leave your girlfriend…It’s all over…Trust me…Unless she’s stacked…Then make it work. 

5. YouTube.com I’m holding out until you have 17 commercials totaling nine hours in length before I fork over for your lousy commercial-free music service…Also, I’m not flying to Albuquerque anytime soon. 

Today At The Site
Editor’s Note: it’s Read Free Fortnight at The Diary of a Nobody. So go, scoot, click on the link and enjoy the Diary with Sparrow’s compliments.

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest gas mileage figures for the new ride. Today’s Diary. 

The latest gas mileage figures for the new ride is an estimate: 31.631 MPG…Recall Thursday I tried to fill up they didn’t have the preferred 87 octane so I put a few bucks of 89 in…It’s an estimate because while I didn’t adjust the trip odometer I forgot to note exactly how many gallons I’d put in…Two something…So I factored in 2.5 gallons, which can’t be too far off, and the 31.631 is in line with what we’ve been getting, so I’m confident it’s a reasonably accurate figure. 

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1962 – The United States begins major combat operations in Vietnam, conducting Operation Chopper. 82 US Army helicopters transported 1,000 South Vietnamese paratroopers to a battle 10 miles west of Saigon.  They defeated North Vietnamese Army troops, captured a radio transmitter and suffered no casualties. The US would not leave Vietnam until April 1975. 

1946 & 2016 – The Rams NFL team is given permission to move to Los Angeles in both of these years. In 1946 the Cleveland Rams were given permission to move to LA and in 2016 the St Louis Rams were given permission to move back to LA, as were the San Diego Chargers. The Rams had played in St Louis from 1995-2015, while the Chargers had left LA for San Diego in 1962. 

In 1974 – The Steve Miller Band is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the only with The Joker. It was the first Top 40 hit for the band, their first of five Top 10 hits and the first of three #1 songs. In 1992, after being used in a Levis commercial, the song went to #1 in Great Britain, Holland, Ireland and New Zealand. The 16 years remains a record for the longest gap between hitting #1 in the US and then in Great Britain. 

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Dirt thrown on a Mud-wall may stick…but it will not long adhere to polish’d Marble. – Benjamin Franklin

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Billy “Crash” Craddock’s biggest hit on the Hot 100 was Rub It In, which peaked at #16 in 1974. 

Today’s Stumper
Test your knowledge. Now.

How many Americans died in the Vietnam War? – Answer next time!

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