The Daily Dose/Sunday, May 10, 2020

The Daily Dose/May 10, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience. 

1. USA! USA! America’s tardy, insufficient, incompetent COVID-19 response continues…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters not doctors – nor have they ever played them on TV – but remain “pretty sure” World War II-esque effort required to produce the one billion+ tests required get every American tested regularly until we are able to isolate those who have it. 

2. Brother, Can You Spare A Stimulus Check Sunday Bottom 5 Pollsters generally not biggest fans of government handouts, but remain “pretty sure” Uncle Sam’s bungled handling of coronavirus got us here, so they can help get us out…With stimulus aid totaling 14% of GDP, US only 46% behind Germany in helping its citizens. 

3. NFL – New NFL schedule breakdown segments on best Sunday early games featuring teams that took linebackers in fourth round, backup QB rankings, 2027 mock drafts all highlight expanded NFL coverage…Thanks COVID-19!!!…With overtime procedure unchanged, still possible for NFL games to finish without a winner. 

4. Brett Favre – Hey, Brett, why does someone of your stature charge for PSA and charity appearances in the first place???…Also, on the off chance your $1.1 million was legitimately earned from the poor of Mississippi, why are you repaying it???…Sunday Bottom 5 Pollsters hardly experts in the matter but remain “pretty sure” something stinks here. 

4. President Trump Fact Check The 5-hole staple, click here for the latest from the Liar-in-Chief, a man utterly incapable of telling the truth. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow’s haircut fiasco. Today’s Diary.  

After ten minutes of blather, he finally got around to asking me what kind of haircut I wanted and I said short, get rid of the curls, but leave enough to comb back…He nods and says “how about a scissors cut?” and I say “perfect” and I settle in in good spirits because a scissors cut is what the chicks at the franchise place in town give me…So he’s scissoring away and chatting amiably for a few minutes when BOOM I hear the clippers going and before I could say anything he’s flinging away back there like he’s trimming a hedge in his yard.

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
History’s long march to today

In 1775 – The Second Continental Congress of the 13 original colonies begins in Philadelphia. The opening followed the Battles of Lexington and Concord on April 19, which had opened the American Revolution, and the Congress would declare independence from Great Britain on July 2, 1776 and adopt the Declaration of Independence two days later. The Second Continental Congress met until March, 1, 1781, it’s last act presiding over the signing of the Articles of Confederation. The First Continental Congress had adjourned the previous October.

In 1970 – Hoyt Wilhelm of the Atlanta Braves becomes the first major league pitcher to appear in 1,000 games in a 6-5 loss to the St Louis Cardinals. Wilhelm pitched the 9th inning, gave up a hit and did not have a decision. Wilhelm had broken Lindy McDaniel’s record of 987 games the year before and retired following the 1972 season with 1,070 games pitched. The record is now held by Jesse Orosco at 1,252 and Wilhelm’s mark is now good for 6th on the all-time list. 

In 1975 – Gary Stewart is at #1 on Billboard’s country chart – then known as the Hot Country Singles chart – for the only week with She’s Actin’ Single (I’m Drinkin’ Doubles). The song spent 13 weeks on the country chart, including five weeks in the Top 10 and was the third consecutive Top 10 hit for Stewart, his fourth of 29 country chart hits and remains his only #1 song. Stewart took his own life in 2003, some weeks after the death of his wife.  

Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…by taking so much for the state, you reduce everyone’s ability to create more wealth. Even the bandit in the forest never takes more than two-thirds of the merchant’s caravan…so that there will always be something for him to steal. – Gore Vidal, Creation 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

President Richard Nixon submitted his resignation letter to Secretary of State Henry Kissenger. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

How many songs spent more than one week at #1 on Billboard’s country chart in 1975? – Answer next time!

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