The Daily Dose/May 17, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was.
1. COVID-19 – Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters harkening back to good old days when America would have provided a timely and competent response to coronavirus and the world looked to it for leadership…Those days are gone, of course, as country currently reaping benefits of having president who’s a lying sexual predator who believes the moon is part of Mars…Current death rates are 0.0000401% for planet, 0.000272% for US, 0.000000294% for Taiwan.
2. College Football – Sure, the NCAA canceled their basketball tournaments, but do you really think the good ol’ boys in the SEC are going to let some silly virus interrupt the 2020 season???…Come on, there’s money to be made and blacks to pretend they like…They may not actually play, but Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” they’re going to try to.
3. Puerto Rico – Zany islanders to hold non-binding vote on whether to level up from territorial status to the wonders of full US statehood…Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters remain “pretty sure” they have “like, some zero clue and stuff” why any jurisdiction would want to be any more involved with US than they have to be and suggest joining British Commonwealth.
4. Fake News – Where’s John Chancellor and Walter Cronkite when you need them???…Heck, where’s SCTV’s Floyd Robertson and Earl Camembert???…Click here for stories people were actually believing this week.
5. President Trump Fact Check – Standard 5-hole staple, click here for exciting latest falsehoods from planet’s Liar-in-Chief.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
Par for the Sunday course, The Diary of a Nobody if free to read today. Enjoy.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow gets the griddle out and makes some pancakes. Today’s Diary.
Grandpa always made hotcakes with crispy edges growing up and I still like them that way…(Pa Sparrow made them with normal edges…He grew up during the Depression and didn’t like to waste things and that included cooking oil.)…I’ll tell you what, yours truly had enuff oil on the griddle to fry chicken…It was wonderful…
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On This Date
History’s long march to today
In 1792 – What would become the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) is formed when 24 brokers sign the Buttonwood Agreement in front of what is now 68 Wall Street in New York City. Previously securities, as well as commodities, had been sold by auctioneers and the agreement bound the 24 signatories to trade only with each other and also limited commissions. Currently, the NYSE has 2,400 listings and its companies have a market capitalization of $30.1 trillion. The agreement gets its name from the buttonwood tree the agreement was supposedly signed under, though some believe this is a legend.
In 1968 – Frank Howard of the Washington Senators establishes a new major league record for most home runs in five consecutive games in 7-3 loss to the Detroit Tigers. Howard had a two-run home run in the top of the ninth inning, his eighth home run in the last five games and Howard would tie this record with two home runs the following day. Barry Bonds also tied this record, twice, in 2001 and Howard’s ten home runs in six games remains a major league record.
In 1986 – Whitney Houston is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the first of three consecutive weeks with The Greatest Love of All. The song also went to #1 in Ireland, Canada and Australia and the following week peaked at #3 on Billboard’s soul chart and was Billboard’s eleventh biggest song of the year. In 1977 George Benson had charted with the song, peaking at #24 on the Hot 100 and at #2 on the soul chart. It was Houston’s third of a Hot 100 record seven consecutive #1 songs, a record that still stands.
Quotebook
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
I have said to myself a thousand times that I should be happy if I were but as ignorant as my old neighbor; and yet it is a happiness which I do not desire. – Voltaire, The Good Brahmin
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
Elvis’ smallest hit on the Hot 100 was Where Do You Come From, which spent one week at #99 in 1962. It was the flip side to Return to Sender, which peaked at #2.
Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
What song snapped Whitney Houston’s record of seven consecutive #1 songs? – Answer next time!
