The Daily Dose/May 31, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy
The Sunday Bottom 5
The very best of the very worst of the week that was.
1. George Floyd – We’re sorry you had to die and were not allowed to reach old age and, perhaps, in death you will be more useful than you were in life…We doubt it, us humans tend not to learn the lessons we are constantly offered, but maybe something good will come of your killing.
2. George Floyd – Your killer has been charged with 3rd-degree murder and 2nd-degree manslaughter…Some are clamoring for Murder 1, but be content with Murder 3 and Man 2…Murder 1 involves intent, premediation and malice aforethought, all difficult to prove when your killer only knew you for a few minutes…Murder 3 will be tough to prove, but Sunday Bottom 5 pollsters “pretty sure” even they could bring home a Manslaughter 2 conviction.
3. George Floyd – Rest in peace, Sir…You deserved better than this and so did your country…Floyd first black killed by white guy to be mentioned three (3) times in same Sunday Bottom 5 survey since Trayvon Martin in 2012.
4. Space X Launch – How the mighty have fallen…People achieving and maintaining states of arousal over America sending men into orbit for first time in nine (9) years and only 58 (58) years after we first did it…America could have had people on Mars in the 1980s had they, oh screw it…Don’t get us started.
5. President Trump Fact Check – The five-hole staple, it’s another edition of President Trump vs The Truth…Click here for the latest, provided by the Associated Press.
Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually.
The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow is on a health kick. Today’s Diary.
Boy, I’d forgotten how bad that apple cider vinegar can taste…It’s supposed to help you live until you’re 130 – provided you aren’t hit by a bus – and as I recall we used to drink it straight, but diluted with some water tasted bad enuff…And the bottle recommends taking it three times a day…Christ…I don’t if that’s a genuine recommendation or if it’s like that “wash, rinse, repeat” crap that’s on shampoo instructions and merely designed to make you drink more crappy tasting apple cider vinegar.
Backstairs at the Monte Carlo: Friends, tomorrow’ the day when the first entry from my hilarious memoir Backstaits at the Monte Carlo moves. It’s the funniest book you’ll ever read, and to get you hooked the first week of entries is completely free, the same trick the drug dealers use. Prime yourself by clicking on the link for a list of Monte Carlo Security Department radio codes and floor duties.
Click here get in on the laffs: The Diary of a Nobody, Backstairs at the Monte Carlo, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually.
On This Date
History’s long march to today
In 1889 – The Johnstown Flood occurs, after the failure of the South Fork Dam in southeastern Pennsylvania. The failure occurred after several days of unprecedented rainfall, unleashing 3.8 billion gallons of water from Lake Conemaugh on the area. It took about an hour for the waters, 60 feet high and traveling at about 40 miles per hour, to hit Johnstown, killing over 2,200 people, at the time the largest loss of civilian life in US history. Survivor’s inability to collect damages from the dam’s owners led to major changes in American liability law.
In 1937 – Pitcher Carl Hubbell of the New York Giants has his major league record of 24 consecutive victories end, taking the decision in a 10-3 loss to the Brooklyn Dodgers. Hubbell gave up two runs in both the first and third innings and one more in the fourth before coming out of the game. Hubbel had broken the record 19 consecutive wins established by Tim Keefe (1888) and Rube Marquard (1912) both also with the New York Giants. The streak had started on July 17, 1936, included five relief appearances and does include Hubbell’s loss in Game 4 of the 1936 World Series.
In 1980 – Lipps, Inc. is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the first of four consecutive weeks with Funkytown. The song went to #1 in eleven other countries, including Norway and Israel, peaked at #2 in both in Great Britain and on Billboard’s soul chart and was the magazine’s eighth biggest song of the year. Lipps, Inc. was the third of five acts to hit #1 on the Hot 100 (the feat did not occur on earlier Billboard pop charts) who had at least two separate forms of punctuation in their name. The song returned to the Hot 100 in 1986 when a version by Pseudo Echo peaked at #6.
The wisdom of the ages. Whatever.
…very often it is not possible to see what is right in front of you because you happen to be looking in the wrong direction. – Gore Vidal, Creation
Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know.
A.J. Foyt Al Unser and Rick Mears have each won the Indianapolis 500 four times, the most of any driver.
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar.
Who was the first act with at least two separate forms of punctuation in their name to hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100? – Answer next time!