The Daily Dose/Thursday, January 23, 2020

The Daily Dose/January 23, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

GET OUT YOUR HISTORY BOOKS: Opening arguments began in the US Senate trial of President Donald Trump Wednesday. Trump is facing two articles of impeachment, abuse of power and obstruction of Congress, and is the third president to be tried by the Senate. Like Andrew Johnson and Bill Clinton were, Trump is expected to be acquitted. 

Get Your Official Daily Dose Policy Right Here: This imbroglio has not been our country’s finest hour. 

In This Corner: The House gave History their version of Impeachment Lite. Though the two articles have merit (Article II more than Article I, for our money) they let the president off easy. Had they done some real work they probably could have come up with at least a handful of more articles. As it was, they did the bare minimum required to get a presidential impeachment on the record and into the history books because they realized the GOP controlled Senate is unlikely to convict Trump. 

USA! USA! For their part, the Senate is all but groveling at the White House’s request for a quick acquittal. The did bend somewhat in allowing each side’s twelve hours of opening arguments to be spread over three days instead of two, but, incredibly, they are refusing to allow new witnesses.

Ladies and Gentlemen Of The Jury: We’re not lawyers, thank God, nor have we ever played one on TV, but you don’t have to be Salmon P Chase to know it’s difficult to hold a trial without evidence and witnesses. In fact, some dictionaries define a trial as the formal examination of evidence and what the US Senate is passing off on us is not a trial but rather a hearing. 

More Official Daily Dose Policy: We deserve better than this, of course, but we’ve tolerated 30 years of non-stop war and $23 trillion of debt and a country that’s become a shooting gallery, so it’s easy to tolerate a sham of an impeachment process. 

Fantasy Island: We are still holding out the slimmest of hopes that Republican senators will stage a place coup on Article II and vote to remove Trump from office because he deserves to go. He’s a lying sexual predator who believes the moon part of Mars. We’re not betting the mortgage on it, though. 

Today At The Site
Editor’s Note: it’s Read Free Fortnight at The Diary of a Nobody. So go, scoot, click on the link and enjoy the Diary with Sparrow’s compliments.

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has two losers waddle in requesting a room. Today’s Diary.  

I didn’t like these to whackjobs from the start…The first guy said they needed a room with his tag-team partner immediately yodeling the room would only be used “for five hours”…This is a fairly common tactic, pointing out how little time the room would be used for, and regular readers of this crap may – or they may not – recall that this is a marvelous way to ensure you’re quoted the highest possible rate. 

Click here to get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

In 1795 – For one of the few times in history, horses defeat ships as French cavalry soldiers capture Dutch naval elements at Den Helder, The Netherlands in the War of the First Coalition. The capture was made possible because the Dutch navy was frozen at anchor. Accounts differ, though. A French accounting details a heroic capture while a Dutch historian said the Dutch naval commander had already received orders to offer no resistance and all the French did was to cross the ice to negotiate surrender terms. There were no deaths, though the Dutch lost 14 warships and 850 guns. 

In 1944 – The Detroit Red Wings establish a new NHL record for most consecutive goals in a game and tie the record for most goals in a period in a 15-0 victory over New York Rangers. The 15 consecutive goals broke the record of ten done on six other occasions and the record still stands. The record of eight goals, in the third period, tied the record that had been established in March 1922 by the Montreal Canadiens. The record is now held by the Buffalo Sabres, who scored nine second-period goals in a 14-4 win over the Toronto Maple Leafs on Mar. 19, 1981. 

In 1982 – Physical by Olivia Newton-John is at #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 for the tenth and final consecutive week. Physical became the second song to spend ten weeks at #1 on the Hot 100 (You Light Up My Life, Debby Boone, 1976-77) though the feat had been exceeded on earlier Billboard pop charts and has since been eclipsed many times. The song was Billboard’s #1 song of the year and the decade and anchored the Top 10 of Billboard’s 60th anniversary Hot 100 in 2018. 

The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

Democracy had fallen by Plato’s formula: liberty had become license, and chaos begged an end to liberty. – Will Durant, The Story of Civilization, Vol. III, Caesar to Christ. 

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

Stevie Wonder has had eight #1 songs on Billboard’s Hot 100 as a solo act, and one as part of Dionne and Friends. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

What NHL team holds the record for most goals in a game? – Answer next time!


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