The Daily Dose/Tuesday, April 7, 2020

The Daily Dose/April 7, 2020
By Gaylon Kent
America’s Funniest Guy

Leading Off
Notes from around the human experience…

LONG LIVE THE QUEEN: Elizabeth II of Great Britain addressed her subjects this week, doing what she has done many times over the decades, urging calm and perseverance during difficult times. 

Yes, Quite: And while we would not have presented violent objection to the occasional smile, we enjoyed her chat very much, even though no one in our family has been a British subject since our 6x great-grandfather Absalom Kent fled the country with his family in the 1750s. 

Quote That Sucker: We particularly enjoyed this: 

The attributes of self-discipline, of quiet good-humored resolve and of fellow-feeling still characterize this country. 

Blimey!: Self-discipline and quiet, good-humored resolve? How quaint. It might have gotten you blokes through War II, but those are traits that have by and large left the Colonies. Paced by our government, America is a partisan, fractured and bickering mess now. Or maybe us citizens are pacing our government. It’s hard to tell sometimes. 

Oh, Bloody Hell: We actually found ourselves a bit envious and I could see why the British people continue to keep a monarch on staff: some stability and reassurance has no small amount of value in times like these. 

Oh, Pish: Which got me to thinking where’s our reassuring leader during all this? The answer, of course, is we don’t have one: there is no one in American life right now with the credentials and willingness to step up and let us know everything will eventually be all right. 

Fly In The Ointment: Our president certainly can’t do that. He’s a lying sexual predator who thinks the moon is part of Mars, a man whose only real talent is drawing attention to himself. As far as civil officials go, a middle school hall monitor could be getting us through this better than President Trump. 

And That’s The Way It Is: Walter Cronkite would have been ideal here but he’s long dead and no one has assumed the mantle of being able to tell us what we collectively, deep down, need and want to hear. News outlets today can’t be bothered to muster up a reassuring anchor because they are too busy entertaining us to be reassuring. 

The Bottom Line/Gaylon For US Senate, Vote Early, Vote Often: So we’re in this for ourselves, friends, which is too bad because as we saw during the Great Toilet Paper Hoard of 2020, individually we will all do what’s in our own self-interest, which is the way it’s been since time immemorial and will continue to be until we decide, at the ballot box, that we deserve better. 

Today At The Site
Writing worth reading. Usually. 

The Diary of a Nobody: Sparrow has the latest on Afternoon Cookie Service at the hotel. Today’s Diary.   

Things are so slow I am not even putting out new cookies for Afternoon Cookie Service because only a few are being taken each day now and, as noted earlier, there is no point in opening fresh packages…Well, a relatively fresh package that is because, as we’ve noted, these cookies were probably baked months ago and it would take forever and a day for these things to go stale.

Click here get in on the laffs: Sparrow, The Bottom Ten, the funniest books you’ve ever read. We offer 4Ever and Ever access, or cheapskates can purchase books and columns individually. 

On This Date
Great moments in us. 

Great Moments In Toleration: Otto and Elise Hampel are beheaded for treason at a prison in Nazi Germany on this date in 1943. The husband and wife had been spreading postcards around Berlin urging Germans to resist Adolf Hitler, a resistance that began after Elise’s brother had been killed in France. The couple had been arrested, apparently by chance though History is not entirely clear on the matter, the previous October.
Editor’s Note: this actually happened on April 8. We regret – and, frankly, are surprised by – the error. 

Fore!: Jack Nicklaus becomes the youngest person to win the Masters on this date in 1963. Nicklaus, 23, finished two-under-par and defeated Tony Lema by one stroke with Julius Boros and Sam Snead tied for third two strokes back. Nicklaus earned $20,000 for his win, about $169,000 in today’s money. Tiger Woods is now the youngest to win the Masters, having won in 1997 when he was 21. It was the final Masters for Horton Smith, who had won the first Masters in 1934. 

Your Hit Parade: On this date in 1984 Kenny Loggins is at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for the second of three consecutive weeks with Footloose. It was the eighth of 14 Top 40 hits for Loggins and remains his only #1 song. Footloose went to #1 in four other countries, including New Zealand and South Africa, peaked at #6 in Great Britain and was Billboard’s fourth biggest song of the year. The song returned to the Hot 100 in 2011 when Blake Shelton took it to #63. 

The wisdom of the ages. Whatever. 

…when history starts to move underneath you, you’d better figure out how you’re going to ride it, or you’ll fall off. – Gore Vidal, Empire

Answer To The Last Trivia Question
It’s not who you know, but what you know. 

14 servicemen have been awarded the Medal of Honor twice for separate events. Five others were awarded both the Army and the Navy Medals of Honor for the same action. 

Today’s Stumper
Cheaper than Trivia Night at the bar. 

Footloose was the first of two #1 songs on the Hot 100 from the Footloose movie soundtrack. What was the other one? – Answer next time!

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